Last chance...

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by CleanBootsBaby!, Aug 28, 2021.

  1. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Whoa...that was a lot. Thanks for the recommendation. Please use English going forward :).
     
  2. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    As much as I dislike modern rock / nu metal, here's an exception...and high-energy motivating song:



    Keep throwing those haymakers, guys! 19 days: graduated.

    [​IMG]
     
  3. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    23 days, like a boss.

    Yeah, sometimes I miss the "convenience" of "taking care of business" myself, but it's not worth it.
     
    mikehunt, -Luke- and BoughtWithBlood like this.
  4. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    I'm doing fine, even less present here. Just checking in to report 30 days. Having some structure helped me indeed.

    I was tempted a few times, but no incidents to report. This ship is sailing well.
     
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2021
  5. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

  6. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Thank you, @Rudolf Geyse (19 days is NOT shabby at all, great job!), and to the other gents that liked my post! I appreciate it.

    Keep fighting the good fight, MEN!

    I will be dropping by every now and then to see what's new. For the time being, I feel keeping myself busy in other ways helps. Seems like I've gotten in a rhythm and it is refreshing simply being...normal. Part of feeling normal seems to be taking short breaks from the forum.
     
  7. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Reminder & motivation for myself: https://yourbrainrebalanced.com/for...e-road-goes-ever-on.13968/page-47#post-722488 .

    36 days, going strong. Today I had an almost instant erection just from seeing an attractive woman in real life (thankfully, I was seated and well out of anyone's sight, LOL). It's been a while - seeing how things were ummm...growing in my pants, reaching a semi-erect state in a few seconds...so few because I wasn't looking like a creep - since I was worried about some social mishap...just like back in my teens.

    Guys...it is worth it. Stop half-assing it. Do what needs to be done, NOW. Burn the book of excuses.

    Some sonic motivation, this thing just gets me revved up:


    No deadheads in here, LOL! The term fits the description, LOL. Would've made a wicked username!
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2021
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  8. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Maaaaan...some health problems...pain etc. Hormonal stuff!

    Besides, two nights ago almost had a wet dream, woke up pretty pissed-off because it didn't happen - that being my only outlet, of course :|. Felt like (timestamped) [Edit - nvm, the forum doesn't support timestamping; @ 39s]:

    Hahaha!

    But the frustration dissipated (it helps when you're having other problems, LOL). Concentrated on helping others, in deeper problems than I...probably 5 or so people today...it feels good.

    At the same time, feeling motivated in all domains...happy with today's productivity...

    Being around young pretty women helps, too.

    37 days, lads. In a few minutes.
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2021
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  9. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Great streak @CleanBootsBaby! Go for it.

    Btw that live recording is superb.
     
    CleanBootsBaby! likes this.
  10. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Thanks, man, I appreciate it. Rebalancing continues:
    [​IMG]

    Believe it or not, I just discovered Devin Townsend. The advantages of having other colleagues into rock/metal :) - mainly younger guys that I usually surprise with some classic acts they haven't heard of, but this time it was a slam-dunk for the young'uns...and I am happy.
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2021
  11. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    38 days. Another good, busy one (serving others, working); most importantly...P-free.

    [​IMG]

    Guys, we dug ourselves into these pits by repetition. The same thing is required from us to pull ourselves out. Day after day after day. There were no shortcuts employed when we messed up our brains - instead, a deliberate, devilish persistence; should we now fear to apply the same method, but for a better cause? Bemoan that it's "too difficult"? Naaah!

    If you put everything into sparing your existence from tragedy, there is no way - let me repeat that: no way - for you to fail.

    Let's just be adults; take time to consider the consequences and feelings of pure dread (the very second we ejaculated) lived in the past, before going down the road of the fool once again.

    The weightlessness of a soul that has nothing to hide is something that can't be bought other way than paying this price, and I'm both hands deep into my pockets. This must be so much more precious for the weary Christian.

    Do you value knowing you're not a hypocrite as much as you'd state at any other moment, in the very moment when the opportunity to act out knocks at the door? Do I want to hit again rock bottom to wake up from this trance? Do I?

    Eyes on the prize, gents. Its size will tell you it is worth it. There's too much other kind of beauty in this world - and it registers when our dopamine receptors are back firing as God designed them to. Not when we are sick.

    Speaking of beauty and sickness, the song of the day, breaking from the usual rock/metal mold :):


    (P.S. Also, feeling better - health-wise!)
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2021
    Rudolf Geyse, -Luke- and mikehunt like this.
  12. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    “The weightlessness of a soul that has nothing to hide” Oh man such a precious thing. Well put into words.

    Glad to read you’re feeling better!
     
    CleanBootsBaby! likes this.
  13. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Thank you for everything! I appreciate it, man. See you coming strong with your counter, nice round number you've got there yourself. Keep up the good work!

    You know, I tend to write A LOT :D, something good-sounding is bound to "happen", eventually :D...
     
  14. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    To mark my (soon to be) 40th day clean, I'm going for a treat, such as:



    [​IMG]

    This is an important (symbolic) number for me - because, as I said, I want to enter my 40th birthday clean. There will probably be regrets regarding things that went wrong in my life - oddly and sincerely, few that I can impute to myself...welcome to the human existence in a crooked world - but this won't be one. So help me God.

    Stay focused, gents. The more days clean - w/o compromise - you amass, the lesser grip this thing has over your life. To repeat myself...repetition, says a saying in my country, is the mother of learning. Unlearning goes through the same path.

    Respect for anyone that goes against the grain and values himself (or herself - even women can struggle with this today) more than to engage in defilement. Lay down the self-abuse; there's enough things that abuse us, and the last thing you need is to seek solace into something that promises to soothe, yet poisons your whole being...while you know very well the aftermath of each "session". At one time, masturbation was called self-abuse...turns out, it wasn't some overblown "puritanical" impulse after all to label it as such; if we only knew.

    Stay wholesome, bros!
     
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2021
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  15. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Having a not-so-great day today. Not addiction-related.

    *

    I'm not big on motivational speeches - at least not for me. (I do it, rather, for others.) Because I consider that the quiet guy in the corner, minding his business, many times does much better than the one full of bravado, piss and vinegar...that slowly dissipates :), in time. Let's rather look at the contact surface of that rubber and that road. Don't let your eyes be seduced by the fast stallion that runs like the wind only to stop where the quiet, humble mule negotiates its path carefully and slowly through the roughest terrain.

    Also, because in the past I made promises that I broke. "Yeah, I got this!" - only to get complacent after 6 months.

    OTOH, sometimes proclaiming that I am healed takes everything and puts it right back in perspective: on my own shoulders - since I am responsible for everything in this thing. Yes, I know very well that sometimes God adds grace to my situation just to make everything fall on the right side, and not unfold as a disaster instead; but, in general, I understood, years ago, that - as He seems to operate with the more mature Christians - He won't give me instant victory over a besetting sin for which the Bible's RX is simple: to run away from.

    As with so many other things in my walk of faith, every time I think I "figured something out", He comes back and shows me things that years ago I would've never understood, let alone agree with. And even when I am tempted to despair of how little I know Him, I go back to the simple things like His Sovereignty, trust in Him and hope...even when I don't know what my faith should look like to please Him, anymore, in the particular context I am going through. My whole suffering and the questions it drags behind stop being relevant when I look at Golgotha and I see God dying on a cross for me. How can I complain about fairness, when His whole life on Earth culminated in the most unfair death of all, and the greatest suffering ever experienced, under the weight of all our sins (that includes mine)?



    All my questions and frustrations cease, as "My knees are buried at Your cross", my sweet Christ, Savoir of this wretched soul of mine.

    One of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard - and that comes from an Evangelical living in a predominantly Orthodox country, and a background in Theology (including a Masters). It moves me to tears (English subtitles):



    This live rendition is absolutely heartbreaking:



    (Sung in Aramaic.

    As for the different titles - a comment explains it well: "Confirmed from a Chaldean Catholic priest I'm acquainted with who knows Aramaic, they are chanting Psalm 51/50. It's Psalm 51 by the RSV and NAB numbering (and even the KJV numbering), but Psalm 50 according to the numbering that the Orthodox still use.")

    God bless all His children, regardless of their denomination.
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2021
  16. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    @CleanBootsBaby! Wow guy! Amazing post! Remarkably mature outlook (which I've come to expect from you). I look forward to working through some of the videos.
     
    CleanBootsBaby! likes this.
  17. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Thank you! Very gracious of you; appreciate it. Feels good being called mature :D (I try very hard, this journal is part of the missing puzzle of maturity...).

    I promise you won't feel like you wasted your time if you put some aside to listen to those music videos. They are simply divine.

    I try to walk into this light I've been given; who knows what other spiritual lessons God has for me? It's been years since He has shown me ever new things, and continues to surprise me. It will surely feel GREAT in Heaven, when we will finally get the big AHA! moment and know everything in fullness...not in part.

    Btw - already checked the 40+ section for your first post :D. Expect me right there mid-January :). For now, all the best - to new beginnings!

    *
    42 days. Wasn't 42 supposed to be the "answer to everything" (it was actually a longer formulation) :)? It may not be so in reality, but for sure it is today's answer to the bad impulses of the flesh that need to be subdued. So...I'm happy, humbled, and (cautiously) proud of yet another day focusing away from the rubbish and doing my best to walk the way I am supposed to.

    Time to post a timeless song about addiction. It has motivated me many times:


    It's a sleepless night, she's callin' your name
    It's a lonely ride, I know how you want her
    Again and again, you're chasin' a dream yeah
    But Johnny my friend, she's not what she seems

    Johnny B, how much there is to see
    Just open your eyes and listen to me
    Straight ahead, a green light turns to red
    Oh why can't you see, oh Johnny B

    And when you drive her home, is she sittin' real close
    Does she make you weak, well that's the way that she wants you
    You're strung out again, she's taken you over
    You've been here before, why can't you let go

    Johnny B, how much there is to see
    Just open your eyes and listen to me
    Straight ahead, a green light turns to red
    Oh why can't you see, oh Johnny B

    And when she calls your name, my sweet Johnny B
    You can drive all night and you know she'll be waiting
    To love you again, her kiss is her poison
    Forever inside you, wherever you go

    Johnny B, how much there is to see
    Just open your eyes and listen to me
    Straight ahead, a green light turns to red
    Oh why can't you see, oh Johnny B

    Johnny B, how much there is to see
    Just open your eyes and listen to me
    Straight ahead, a green light turns to red
    Oh why can't you see, oh Johnny B

    Oh, can't you see, oh, Johnny B
    Oh, can't you see
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2021
  18. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Thank you for writing in my journal and for your recommendation especially! We're all in this together, and we're all gonna make it, bro!
     
  19. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Had some temptations, but got past them. Still on the right path. But even such a "small" weakness makes me regret it and feel awful. I'm nipping in the bud anything that could lead to other things...this is a big key to victory.

    Not looking back, boyos. Not worth it. Hence, 43 days by grace.

    If my God is as great as I say, I'm obliged to do everything as if for Him.

    Let's pursue the things we would do if a permanent cam would follow us at the most inconvenient of times.

    *

    An amazing song, with amazing lyrics, from an amazing band:


    So applicable to what we're dealing with!
     
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  20. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Hahah! Why so serious? :)



    I find that relaxing during this trip helps me tremendously. All in all, more than: "Yeah, bro, NEVER AGAIN, bro! I'm SMASHING THIS brooo!!"

    Rather something something "be like water" something :D.

    *

    I'm rather serious about the consequences of messing things up. That's the only thing I'm dead serious about...not about a tension or assortment of big words during my journey. All this comes from someone that can (and does) find 100 ways to motivate, convey a simple thing like "I'm not doing that".

    But more ways to skin a cat. I'm just looking daily for the one that works for me. In time, P become less of a "now problem"; it falls into the right perspective. So I'm ending this with a motivational song :D, for all my SMESH bros. The one and only Rob Rock:



    I could see the city lights, then they turned to black
    Then I heard the sirens sounding out
    I could see the rockets glare, shooting in the night
    Everyone was paying for their lives

    Am I dreaming?
    I don't believe it
    Am I wrong or right?
    Then I heard a voice say in the night

    I'm a warrior - take my hand
    Let me lead you to the promised land
    I'm a warrior- take my hand
    Side by side we'll make our final stand

    Then I saw this blinding light - I heard a sonic boom
    I could feal the earth shake in the doom
    Then a silence filled the air, I could not hear a sound
    I could see the ashes all around

    Am I dreaming?
    I don't believe it
    In the dead of night
    I could hear the voice that showed me life

    I'm a warrior - take my hand
    Let me lead you to the promised land
    I'm a warrior- take my hand
    Side by side we'll make our final stand

    I'm a warrior
    I'm a warrior - take my hand
    Let me lead you to the promised land
    I'm a warrior- take my hand

    Side by side we'll make our final stand
    I'm a warrior

    *

    44 days in like 5 hours.

    Keep doing the good thing, don't let this stupid little scorpion control your life, gents.

    Look. Even if you mess up everything else in life, at least you're not bowing down to this idol that so many do. That's still some winning.
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2021

Share This Page