Last Chance For Me

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by birdsky, Aug 16, 2020.

  1. Joost

    Joost Member

    Hey man.
    Everything we do in the dark will be brought into the light.
    What i'm suggesting is that you open up about your porn addiction to someone trustworthy in the institution. It's good you had an emotional release, maybe some blockages have been flushed away. But don't be fooled into thinking this solves the problem. It might be good to take the step to come clear about your addiction.
    birdsky likes this.
  2. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    @birdsky that's the thing with reboot. It could throw you in this depressing cycle. I'm struggling with this right now so I know what you're going through.
    Stay strong.
    birdsky likes this.
  3. birdsky

    birdsky Member


    I don‘t know man. I haven‘t talked to the psychologist yet. They are very young, probably same age as me. It‘s uncomfortable.


    Right now I am in flatlate Yesterrday and today had slightly headaches. It feels so weird, I see that I have extremely issues with my social anxiety, that stresses me and I fear to relapse because of the stress that causes the social situation with the other people in the hospital.

    Here is a very nice girl, talk when we meet randomly for eating. I don‘t know why, I talked to people and she was too, but i kind of ignored her or haven‘t asked her questions were I should have too. Now, I am freaking out what she thinks about me. I don‘t have any intensions with her, because I believe in marriage and not dating. It‘s still so frustrating.

    This social situations are killing me. I have also hard time to focus and concentrate. I lost the sense where I am and who I am.
  4. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    Social anxiety calm down. I think this girl was‘t mad at me. Everything ok.

    I am still in flatline. Cried some time today. Just abstain from your pc and smartphone and the deepest of you will come into light.
  5. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    @birdsky don't dwell on your past actions.
    Ask yourself this "if I went back in time will I act the same way?"
    If the answer is no, then you've learned your lesson and you'll do better in future situations.
    Just remember, it will take you many tries and mistakes till you finally get it right, so don't rush things.
    birdsky likes this.
  6. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    I need some advise. I have been flatlining since the 10th of October. Almost two weeks. Have a hard time to get erections. What is good, but my penile skin doesn‘t look good at all.

    I haven‘t opened up with my addiction here, and I think I won‘t.

    They did tell me, that medication would help for my depression, however I don‘t know if that would have an effect on my addiction or longterm damage to my sexuality. I have read that those SSRI are even given to rapist etc.

    They want to give me Setralin or Escitalobrem. Has anyone here experience with that?

    Actually my streak is going pretty well, I don‘t know if my depression would go away without nofap and finding a wife.

    Btw @Shady that‘s a pretty nice approach, I thought about it and think now what you mean. I will continue thinking about that. Thanks.
  7. moose

    moose Member

    Ive been on Pristiq which is an SNRI which is better than a SSRI in terms of sexual side effects. Although each can effect people differently. If you are worried about sexual side effects SNRI may be better. But I'm not a Dr. They maybe be offering those for a specific reason.

    In terms of the flatline. I was in a flatline almost 2 weeks in to my reboot. I just recently came out. Well kinda, I guess I'm still in a flatline a little bit. But once I got past the anxiety of the flatline. Things have been easier. It's all in your head. The dangler will start working eventually.
    birdsky likes this.
  8. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    Ignore the flatline. In fact ignore anything down there at least for the first three months.

    You don't need to open up about addiction. Only you know what's best for you.

    Good job on maintaining your streak.
    No! Depression will never go away on its own. You need to find something that excites you and makes you happy and add it to your daily life.

    I'm glad I could help.
    birdsky and Bilbo Baggins like this.
  9. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    Hi guys,

    Hope you all are doing great!

    I am still in flatline and I am still thinking, that they might put something into the food to reduce the sex drive. I already asked the doc but she of course said that they don‘t put anything into the food.

    Maybe it‘s just weird to me, because I never had been in such a long flatline.

    On the one hand I like it because it‘s easy, on the other hand I fear the worse.

    My doc suggested now Mirtazapine, because of my lack of motivation. However, as I have read this increases dopamine level either. Might that have an effect on my streak? I just don‘t want to cancel my flatline and get my sex drive back.

    Anyone here with experience or suggestions?
  10. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    Today is 22nd day on hardmode and I can feel that I get more erections. However, mostly through fantasy. However, I have noticed some random erections either, when I saw and talked to this one particular girl here.

    My penile skin looks a bit better, however it still needs some weeks of no touching to recovery.

    I think still haven‘t learnt my lesson, since I still fear to go back to the old habit of edging. At least I have started to checking my skin more often down there. I know it make no sense, there will be no improvement in a time span of couple of hours. I need to control this behaviour and stop to fantasy.

    I am still an addict and I fear getting weak again and watch P. I still haven‘t learnt to beat the urge and occupy myself with something productive. Unfortunately, the conversations with my doc don‘t help. It’s useless being in this clinic except that I could change my environment and found some friends here. I fear going back home into loneliness and getting confronted with all the triggers.

    I really hope my flatline will hit back for a further month, so my penile skin can get a change to heal.
  11. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    Flatline and depression hit back. My mood is down. I am hopeless about my future. I will die as a virgin.
  12. moose

    moose Member

    Keep strong my friend. Things will get better. I was going through some tough times. I was really down. But things are getting better slowly. I for see the same for you. Just have faith.

    The best thing is to keep yourself busy. That's what I found. Honestly I totally forgot about it. Didn't realize it till I a few days ago and then decided to log back in.

    You're doing good keep at!!!!
    birdsky likes this.
  13. Joost

    Joost Member

    Fantasy is the problem. Truth is the answer.
    If there's no fantasy there won't be any urges coming from the inside of you.
    I stayed close to the the truth during my stay in the institution, and got a taste of what man I am when i'm listening to God's voice. It's a little more difficult for me 'outside'.
    Hey man, if you know Jesus, stick to Him, with whatever you're doing. Remember God doesn't force you to do or say anything.

    birdsky likes this.
  14. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    Hi, thanks for your input. I did something stupid yesterday night. I edged to non porn stuff for 15 minutes and did the same in the morning when I woke up by reading bad stuff. It did not feel good. I still have no sensitivity in my organ down there. I was not aroused. I had a conversation with one of the male nurse. I said stuff I felt uncomfortable with. Instead of going to him and clarify the situation I choose to edge though I had no desire to do so.

    Even I haven‘t watch P or had an O, i feel like I have relapsed. I will try to not focus to much. It happened and try to move on. But it‘s getting harder to not touch anything down there. Not because of arousal rather because of frustration.


    Keeping busy is indeed the key, however, when I have a depressive episode it‘s really hard to go outside or interact with people.


    I see your point, however I am not christian. I love Jesus, but don‘t believe in him as a god. However, I respect your view and our morals are the same. I don‘t want to discuss about religion, just wanted to make it clear, because you wrote it couple of times :)

    I hope at least you guys keeping strong, I need may not fail this time completely. It‘s almost one month since my last O. However, I feel like rubbish because of yesterday evening.
  15. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    You know what you did wrong so don't do it again.
    Now forget and move on.
    You can do this.
    birdsky likes this.
  16. Joost

    Joost Member

    My bad. I might have mistaken you for another guy on here.
    birdsky likes this.
  17. birdsky

    birdsky Member


    Yes, I hope I will remember the next time.


    Don‘t worry. You‘re still right, I need to internalise that God is all merciful and all forgiving. He want‘s us to repent and turn back to the straight path.

    It‘s just I don‘t have morning woods and I think I hit the 1 month mark which is quite crazy, because it‘s the first time that I went that long on hardmode. I still cannot see much improvement. My penile skin looks a bit healthier but sensitivity wise it‘s no improvement. Still no morning wood, but I have anxiety that might cause this too, I guess.

    However, I am just 1 month in, it maybe just needs longer. I hope I don‘t get to frustrated. At least I don‘t feel guilty anymore, at least not that much when I PMO. Another good thing is, that I see that being with people helps me a lot. Despite that I fear leaving the institute, because I might not be that social anymore when I am at my own.

    It‘s hard to find good people outside and make friends, especially during corona.

    I really hope we all will tackle this!
  18. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    I am an idiot. I watched some bad P stuff and edged to it. I really don‘t know if I can handle this anymore.

    Everything could be so easy, if I would have a wife. I don‘t want this shit anymore. I just want to be normal and be like everyone else with a girl. I am so sad and frustrated.
  19. birdsky

    birdsky Member

    I watched two hours filthy stuff. I could cry. I wasn’t aroused. I did it because of frustration and anxiety. Even I could have resist after 5 minutes I didn‘t.

    Yesterday evening I had been kind of suicidal. Really aggressive, I hit on trees with my fist and underarm and though about dying.

    I cannot deal with this anymore and nobody can help me. I was so hopeful that at least I would not watch this in the institution, now my brain will associate the bed and the room with those movies and I will be triggered.
    VaxNovao likes this.
  20. VaxNovao

    VaxNovao New Member

    Try to keep yourslf sane , this is just a period of time better days will come.
    birdsky likes this.

Share This Page