Thanks for stopping by! Some of you might recognize me from Reuniting, which is where I've been blogging about this for the last three years. This being a new blog on a new site, I think now is a good time to re-introduce myself and start from the beginning. Where to begin!? I am here because I have not been able to stop looking at porn and masturbating. I am here because I believe this behavior has turned me into the walking dead, cheating me out of any kind of life or energy or happiness. I'm 30 years old at the time of this writing; I discovered PMO when I was 11 and I first recognized it as an evil that must be stopped when I was 15. I am 30 and it hasn't stopped. I refuse to waste any more years. If I could summarize my childhood into one sentence, it would be this: My entire childhood was one gigantic lesson on how to be unhappy. I have early memories of loneliness as my parents both worked and dropped me off at various day care places every day. Later, I went to a very small school run by people with very small minds, which meant that if you weren't exactly the same as everyone else, then you were a problem and had to be punished. Everyone else was into sports and stuff; I was into geeky things like computers and video games. Reputations travel fast in small environments, so for the next eight years, I was branded "the kid who never does his homework." If I had someone who showed any interest in me at the time, maybe I would have felt inspired to do more homework--at least, the school's method of "detention almost every day while the other kids get to go home" did absolutely nothing to help me. Combine all this torture with puberty and the discovery of Victoria's Secret catalogs, and the addiction was almost instantaneous. To top it all off, I had absolutely zero sexual education of any kind--not from parents, not from school, none. I was--literally--left to my own devices. By the time I got to high school, I switched schools and found that the new environment somehow enabled me to do homework. But by then, I just wanted to be left alone. It's not that I didn't want friends, it's more that I didn't trust anybody not to hurt me. So, I generally stayed away from people, because that way was easiest. I actually had a pretty good freshman year because I guarded myself so well and dulled any potential pain by using PMO. I am convinced that for a short time, before the negative effects kick in, the addiction actually works. That's part of what makes it so addictive. But we all know loneliness can't be a way of life for very long. Quickly I developed a crush on a very sweet girl, which of course I had no clue how to deal with. So all that energy was turned inward. To make matters worse--much worse--my parents began requiring me to go out of town every weekend and help them with building their cabin in the middle of nowhere. In the summers, I was there for 4-5 days at a time. This was a terrible, terrible part of my life because it was so isolating at a time when I really needed to have social contact with my peers. It was especially hellish because my parents would not listen to me when I tried to tell them how much I was suffering. It gave me the impression that some cabin in the middle of nowhere was more important than my well being. It was not until I was 18 that I could legally refuse to go, but by then, the emotional damage was already done. I could go on, but really that's the jist of it. I should also mention I had a kind but powerless father and a very nagging and overbearing mother, which means I never had much of a male role model. It's weird to be 30 and six feet tall and still looking for a good man to look up to. I never learned how to relate or interact with other people in meaningful ways. PMO has always filled that gap. If I can learn what it means to be happy, take care of myself, and form meaningful relationships with people, then PMO will become powerless. That is what this quest is about. Today is Day 1 according to my day counter, but it's not as bad as it seems. I've just been getting more serious about what resets the day counter. I'm actually more like 25 days with no O, but I looked at enough P yesterday to warrant a counter reset. So, today is Day 1. The P and M (especially edging) is just as harmful to me as the O, so now, I am relentless with resetting the day counter if I look at any P. Thanks for reading this.