Kickin' the habit

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by TheDude, Mar 3, 2012.

  1. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    Yeah, we've all been there. The idea that your curiosity was roused and you just "had to see" this girl is pretty much what led to my relapse as well. I totally felt like I lost control, but didn't care about it in the slightest. This is your first full-blown relapse since you started rebooting, isn't it?

    What we need to do, it seems to me, is to take our natural inborn inquisitiveness about females ("what's she look like naked?", "I wonder what she tastes like?", etc. etc.) and move it to real women. We need to wean ourselves from the illusion of the screen and move over to flesh and blood.
     
  2. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Yup, and that transition is what helped me tremendously to shift away from the PMO in the first place. Now that its gone and I haven't found someone to replace her quite yet (the other girl fell through, scheduling doesn't work out until May and who knows what will be going on then) so the desire and temptation is still there. I am still a bit handicapped when it comes to meeting women here, as my program in school, Physics, has about a 5% female population and I have to be real cautious when going out. I am not 21 yet, and if I get a drinking ticket I will probably get dropped from my military program. This means that I can only go to parties that are very close to home, and there are only so many of those that are available. Luckily now that I got a huge confidence boost from hooking up with the last girl, I feel that I am going to be far more confident when I do have the opportunity to go out. At the back of my mind whenever I went out was "This girl is out of my league" and if that wasn't the case I defaulted to "well, I have no idea what I am doing." Now that both of those things have been corrected, I'm looking forward to hopefully going out this weekend.

    I can also relate to the not caring part. Over the relapse I noticed that there is a threshold that I cross where I still think "I shouldn't be doing this" but I keep stroking or opening the tabs.

    I also recognize that the first attempt definitely had an impact. I was getting quite an erection just from texting relatively non flirty things w/o fantasy with this other girl, something I don't think really happened for me before.
     
  3. james_992

    james_992 Guest

    I have a question, how do you guys completely get rid of the fantasies and fantasizing ??
     
  4. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    In my experience, you don't banish them, they just fade away. If you start to fantasize, start doing something else. Read a book, go outside, study some, get some work done, etc. As time goes by and you no longer masturbate to these fantasies and thus aren't linking them to the rush of orgasm, they are going to happen less frequently. Fantasies going away completely is simply impractical.
     
  5. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    Did you avoid the chaser effect, dude?
     
  6. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Yes and no. I got it somewhat after my first relapse, as I masturbated in pairs during the two times that I had the relapse. I had strong urges after my single Porn relapse, but I was able to not totally act on them. I did edge a bit afterwards, but now that I have fully realized the fact that edging is pretty much cheating the PMO cycle, I no longer have strong urges to either look at P (which was almost overwhelming following the P relapse) or masturbate. I did wake up with wood this morning, but did not touch myself. I feel like a made some good progress in my first attempt, and have an improved mindset for this, my second and final attempt. Now that I am doing it without a partner there is less urgency to it, as before I could rationalize edging as a way to "test" my virility, as many others here have done. I also find it easier to avoid the fantasizing about what I am doing later with her or the other girl, as both of them are unavailable right now. I am spending this weekend away with a (male) friend and I am working quite a bit, so I'm busy and that should help. Overall feel much less aroused than I have in the last two weeks or so, but I realize that much of that was due to artificial stimulation.
     
  7. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Day 4 completed, on Day 5. Noticed just how much harder on myself I was making it by edging, and by letting the fantasies play out because they were "healthy". I was rationalizing both of them, and that was a big part of why I eventually relapsed, because I was already well over halfway there and just needed an extra nudge. Now that my mind is set on no masturbating at all rather than just no orgasms, this has taken on a quite different character. Any time I start fantasizing or remembering sexual encounters that I have had, I just focus on an object in the room (a chair, a pillow, words on the page I am reading) and just kinda repeat "Stop" in my head over and over again until it subsides. I also have another, more humorous method, which involves remembering a .gif of Samuel L Jacksons face being zoomed in on over and over. Samuel L fucks up bad guys and my erections 8). What up.

    So yeah, going pretty strong now. Have not had an erection in 2 days at least, and the only ones that I have had during the entirety of this cycle are morning wood. Now that I am no longer feeling pressured to "perform" ASAP, I can take my time and not worry about getting results now, which leads down the just testing/edging crap that more or less killed my previous attempt. I do find myself thinking CAUTION POTENTIAL TRIGGERS "Oh man I can't believe that I am going to go without Porn for the rest of my life", that there are all of these incredibly attractive women that I am never going to be able to oogle again. And then I remember why I chose this (the potential Porn induced ED. Still don't know for sure because I have not had a chance to repeat the attempt) and what the women in this industry are forcing themselves to do. Maybe some of them enjoy it, but I have seen so much porn and recognized so few repeats, so I know that quite a few of them do this as a one off thing, hate themselves for doing it and never go again.
     
  8. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Day 5 down, on 6.

    Feeling pretty good. Went out last night and toed the M line a bit, was a bit drunk so I stroked a bit but stopped myself before it went anywhere else. Besides that brief moment of weakness I have gone almost a week without having a full erection. Had morning wood again this morning, so I do not think I am truly flat lining but I definitely know the frequent erections I had before were primarily caused by fantasy and some manual stimulation. Got K9 installed on my netbook, which is where I do most of my internet browsing, and it has already saved my ass from a relapse. Had a strong urge to follow a softcore link, clicked it and...wham K9 telling me to fuck off. Thanks K9!
     
  9. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    does it really say this? Because that would be awesome if it did.
     
  10. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Unfortunately it does not, I believe the people making parental control software probably won't want obscenity in their prompts. But if I had the spare time to make my own or somehow modify theirs, it most certainly would.
     
  11. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Well, gosh darn it all. Had another relapse, but once again I am not despairing of the rebooting process and I am viewing it as a learning experience. The experience? That I need to not know my K9 password. I realized that while it does block some things perhaps overzealously (humor sites) that I can do without those anyway. Thinking of it more as a productivity decision more than anything, and one more step in between me and pornography.

    Quick note - I actually feel lightheaded and a bit nautious afterwards. I'm guessing its from the enormous amounts of dopamine, so count another tally of why I should and will not be doing this anymore.
     
  12. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Still feeling a bit lightheaded, and I am connecting it to the PMO because it was building as I was partaking. K9 installed with an unknown (friend set) password and ready to conquer this thing.
     
  13. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    It doesn't say "fuck off," exactly, but when I was using K9 to block porn, that sure was the message I got from the blocking screen.
     
  14. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Its the blast of white space. My Chrome skin gives the new tab a black background, so when the K9 screen pops up its an overload of brightness.
     
  15. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Yeah, like someone turning on the lights.
     
  16. You have a very interesting story. You're a young guy and being with a girl already is very good. Don't be too hard on you with the relapses.
     
  17. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Thanks.

    Well, Day 4 here and going pretty strong. Got a book from Amazon, Breaking the Cycle, and along with the very strict internet controls I have had some strong urges but not even begun to act on them. I have started to view lots of stuff that I let slide in my first attempt in a very different light. Reading through you will see that there is a point where I think that fantasizing a bit about the women that I have been with was ok because the fantasies were rather innocent in nature. Well, no. Completely cut myself off from fantasizing of any kind as I realize now that that is what lead to my edging and then eventual relapse. I have just been approaching women in general differently, going out of my way to avoid the objectification that I used to and trying to focus on women as people rather than objects. Of course I never objectified all women, but I definitely did those that I did not know, and when you are on a college campus with 20,000+ people that is bound to be a large number.

    I feel good, but not overconfident. Cautiously optimistic about this attempt, which WILL be my final one.
     
  18. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    Just make sure you avoid treating objects like women, like Jackie Treehorn does.
     
  19. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Yup, that guy is a dick.

    I think that it has taken me this long to really approach this problem seriously. Looking back I was doing all sorts of mental gymnastics to cheat the system and get my little fantasy/masturbation fix. I already mentioned my fantasy situation (hard to kill, but I'm trying and making good progress) but another is the act of simply going out and not just staring at women and judging whether or not I would like to have sex with them. Before I assured myself that I was not looking at porn, I was looking at real people but really, no I wasn't. Most of the attractive women I see out and about are people I do not know and will most likely never see again, so I have no problem reducing them to objects. Of course, they don't help when they dress like 18-22 year old women do, but now I realize that it is ME that is the one objectifying and I am the one who needs to stop, regardless of whether they are...aiding the fantasy. So I would see a woman with a great body, and instead of thinking who is she? What does she study? What interests her? I think wow she has a great ass! Thankfully I am now curbing that, and oh man is it more difficult than I thought. I am no longer rationalizing it away by saying "Well I am a 20 year old male and this is totally normal" because a normal 20 year old male doesn't have trouble become fully aroused with a women he finds attractive.

    I have also crossed the final hurdle when it comes to porn use. The day after my ED incident I deleted all of the porn off of my hard drive and tried to block my most visited streaming sites. What I did not do was tell myself that I was done, forever. There was always a part of me that was lurking in the back that was saying "Lets break this addiction so we can go back to moderate porn use!" and it caused me more than a bit of mental anguish that I was never going to be able to watch the kinds of things that have been getting me so aroused for the past few years. Now I accept that this is simply something that is not going to be a part of my life, and what helped that along is the article about modern sugar daddy sites in Psychosis' thread. I was so repelled by the whole concept - much older, physically repulsive men paying for sex with women in their early twenties - that I linked the two ideas. I simply imagined these kinds of people getting off to porn, and then told myself that I was exactly the same. I find this whole thing so revolting that it has helped tremendously with my urges. Any time I start fantasizing about women, either on the street or those who I have had sexual experiences with in the past, I simply picture myself being encourage by a greasy, overweight man in his late 40s and that shuts that down pretty quick.

    This has also been aided by the previous situation I mentioned with the girl I was sort of "dating". Turns out that she is a bit of a pathological liar and does this quite a bit to different guys, telling me that she was interested in a relationship and our mutual friend that it was "just casual". There is of course much, much more (such as her telling me in bed that she had only had sex once before in her life, but somehow her second time was with a guy she had known for a week and unless she stays up late at night practicing putting on condoms....) and all of this lying has so repulsed me from her that I really don't even find her that physically attractive anymore. This reinforces my need for some genuine intimacy, because I now recognize how powerful my emotions can be in influencing how I perceive physical beauty.
     
  20. Joss is Boss

    Joss is Boss New Member

    Good work Dude - this is great, I don't think I'll ever fantasise again!
     

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