Kickin' the habit

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by TheDude, Mar 3, 2012.

  1. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Day 12 gents, almost to two weeks. Been feeling pretty good all day, did not wake up with morning wood but I wasn't too worried about that. As strange as it sounds, I have gotten into a sleep schedule where I wake up an hour or two before my alarm, piss, get a drink of water and then go back to bed and THEN I wake up with wood. Strange, but 6 days in a row indicated a trend. Been texting the lady friend a bit and that got me quite aroused, erasing that temporary worry about the lack of morning wood. I think my biggest hurdle is in doing away with the day dreams. These are generally pretty healthy, just hooking up and such, but I have noticed that I have been doing FAR more of them than I did before. I attribute this partially to the fact that I am just far more horny than before, which is probably because of the PM and my being in the early stages of a relationship. Its a pretty new thing to me and I'm pretty excited about it, lets just hope that after her schedule calms down a bit we get to have sex more than once a week because this shit is killing me. Still stroking myself a bit, never anywhere close to orgasm, but its just difficult when I get real aroused by something (steamy texts), have a full erection and am cerebally aroused as well and need an outlet. No real urges to watch P, and I have also stopped looking at FB pictures just in case they trigger something. Hoping that everything works out and lady friend can come on over tomorrow, roommate is gone for the week and we can be as loud as we want.
     
  2. james_992

    james_992 Guest

    Day one of my reboot, feeling kinda withdrawn, but imma fight it still
     
  3. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Good, keep fighting. Make it easy on yourself, get away from the computer, get outside, exercise, read a book in a public area, etc. Stack the deck in your favor.
     
  4. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Day 13/14

    So a little disappointed, the girl didn't have any time to come on over Thursday night and so now I've got 9 days minimum before I see her again. Urges to masturbate have been building quite a bit, mostly because of the enhanced sensation and just being quite horny. Its difficult to go out on campus sometimes because its almost stimulation overload, my campus has a lot of students, and a lot of women, and its yoga pants season. Kinda hard to not think about sex when you are constantly walking around surrounded by that. My spring break just started and I am signed up for a bunch of work shifts and plan on getting a bunch of work done ahead of time for class, got plenty of free time I need to fill to resist the urge.

    An aside: During this cycle I have been abstaining from video games as well (which I used to play way, way too much of) and recently started playing again with the rule that I have to be playing in the same room as someone else. I noticed that my libido after playing for an hour or so was much lower than it had been before, and I'm sure its temporary but all the more reason to limit my play time to the bare minimum.
     
  5. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Day 15/16

    Think I flatlined, and have very mixed feeling about it. Guess I should lay out whats happening. For the past 2 weeks during my reboot I have experienced a pretty elevated libido, had quite a bit of morning wood and spontaneous erection. Also had quite frequent fantasies, and then as of a few days ago they pretty much stopped. Morning wood has stopped, fantasies have pretty much faded away and I just feel all that turned on by anything. Obviously I have had some urges to look at porn, rationalized as a "test" because of my insecurity about my drop in libido, but I have been able to resist. Just not that turned on, tried some manual stimulation to get erect and it worked this morning but not so much now. I attribute it to a few changes, all based around the fact that it is now spring break, and I stayed at school to work and make some extra money. This has lead to me going from being constantly bombarded by women my age (not by advances, obviously, but by seeing them) to seeing virtually zero women, and I have spent most of my free time reading educational philosophy/history books for class to get ahead. On top of that I have been playing a few video games again to kill time with my neighbor, and I noticed that that DROPS my libido substantially.

    So why all the worrying about a step of the process that I was fully aware of and should be seen as progress? Because when this girl gets back from our break I do NOT want a repeat of my previous E.D. and am extremely resistant to then explaining my situation to her if it happened, which I feel as if I would have to because otherwise she would probably assume that she is the problem and I can't accept that.
     
  6. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Day 17/18

    Well, that was a temporary scare. Definitely not as horny as I used to be but I think that this has to do more with removing a whole lot of the stimulus that triggered that arousal, such as not being surrounded by lots and lots of women all the time and not texting the girl while she is off the grid on her service trip. Woke up in the middle of the night to get some water (allergies flared up this year. Allegra save me) and had wood, so I know I'm capable. Looking forward to more working out and working tomorrow to keep me occupied, and hoping I finally get around to doing all this extra homework I had planned on working on.
     
  7. james_992

    james_992 Guest

    guys i had 2 relapses :mad: :mad:
     
  8. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Day 21
    Wow, made it too 3 weeks no PM, about 12 days since I had Oral sex. Feel like not much has changed except heightened physical sensitivity, I edge a bit when I wake up and oh man does it feel good, luckily I have been able to stop myself well before I go over the edge. Almost had a pseudo porn relapse yesterday, was on FB and saw some spring break pics someone had put up, clicked on one and I felt my heart starting to pound a bit and got quite nervous, closed that tab right away. My spring break is nearly over and people are going to start coming back soon, so we'll see how I handle a populated campus full of attractive young women.
     
  9. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Congratulations man!

    My record is 2 weeks.

    Right now I'm on day 11 and this time I will break my record there's no doubt about it!
     
  10. james_992

    james_992 Guest

    My record is 20 days, since after that i aint been able to go past a week , but im trying
     
  11. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    You can definitely do it man!

    100 days james, let's do this!
     
  12. james_992

    james_992 Guest

    yessirrr, all i need is the little extra motivation and i can complete it , cuz i know i can do it, its all about how bad you want it
     
  13. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Been a little bit since I posted here, got some spare time so I figured I'd come update. On day 23 now and still going quasi strong. I make that distinction because I have been cheating a bit, been edging every now and again just because the sensations are so....pleasant. Haven't felt this sensitive for as long as I can remember, which is a great thing. Seems like I am hitting a bit of a flatline as far as the spontaneous erections are going, haven't really had one in a week or so but I'm not exactly dead, and with a little stimulation its around a 95% erection. I think that part of that is because things with the girl did not work out, so I've felt a little down about all that. I remember that the spontaneous erections were happening when thinking about when we were going to get together in a day or two, and now that is sort of gone. The whole deal definitely gave me a confidence boost though, so I am going to get out there this weekend and see what rolls my way. Have definitely been noticing women seem far more attractive than I seem to remember, although that could just be a function of the whole its early spring and the shorts and tight t shirts are coming back out.
     
  14. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    Ha! I live in one of those states with hideous winters, and I remember how much better the girls looked in the spring on campus. Anyway, I am sorry things did not work out with that girl, but am even more glad that you're making such progress with your reboot. From what you've been writing it definitely seems that you are getting back to normal.
     
  15. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Well, fuck. Relapsed after edging for a bit, just got done texting a girl and the sensations were just too good and I could not stop myself. Been having real trouble controlling myself over the last few days, only been able to go 2 days w/o since Wednesday. Still haven't touched the Porn though, even though I had some urges. I think that it comes from breaking down the mental barrier of 4 weeks, it is a lot more motivating to think lets keep the 4 week streak going than then 2 day streak. It also doesn't help that one of the primary motivating factors for me was the whole relationship thing. I noticed before that when I knew that I was going to be with a girl, my interest in porn and masturbation plummeted. This relapse came almost immediately after I found out it wasn't going to work out (and thank god it didn't. Never stick your dick in crazy gentleman) I lost that motivation to keep going, and so it became quite a bit harder. So, today, starts a new cycle. I tried (unsuccessfully) to set myself a goal of 1 week before I masturbate again and that wasn't working, so I guess the new goal is no more until I hook up with a girl. Guess that is the right kind of motivation.
     
  16. Psychosis

    Psychosis Guest

    Don't worry too much about it. As everyone here knows, you've accumulated some serious gains, and since you MO'd without porn (and hopefully without fantasizing about it, too) your gains will still be pretty solid. At least you know that the next time you make it to a month it will be soooooo much easier to go beyond it. The Dude abides.
     
  17. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Indeed, he does. There was some "fantasy" involved, as the motivation was coming from texting the girl I mentioned in my first post and remembering the stuff that we had done together. And in the end I have some serious help in that in 2 months I will be getting about 4 hours of sleep for 6 straight weeks with about 0 privacy and surrounded by guys and women who look like guys, so going without is probably going to be a whole hell of a lot easier.
     
  18. Joss is Boss

    Joss is Boss New Member

    Dude, sounds like you're doing great and have the right attitude to a relapse - just get straight back on the horse. As solid four weeks of no porn is a real achievemnet in itself. Just think, it will be amazing to have overcome this at only 20, with your whole life ahead of you. Stay strong, you'll get there.
     
  19. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Day 3

    Thanks, I could use the encouragement. I know that college is not the hook up factory that it is often portrayed to be in movies/film, but I feel as if I have more or less wasted my first two years of college and want to enter my senior year with a much different mindset.

    The second time through has been quite different from the first. As I mentioned before, when I have had a girl in my life my desire to look at porn and masturbate has gone down, but now that the local girl is out of the picture and the other girl is several hours away (which is why we never really pursued anything) I don't have that anymore and it makes me realize just how hard this is for a lot of the other guys on here. I got off easy my first time through, I think I had an urge or two from my porn habit (as in, I sat down at my comp and thought, well, time to hit up the porn sites before catching myself) but it was never really all that compelling, more just about breaking a pattern of a particular part of my life. When I started thinking that this whole relationship thing wasn't going to work out I started edging a bit. I know that I did it a few times in the beginning, but it was never hard for me to stop myself and it was more of a gutcheck. That is not true anymore. The first part of the relapse was dominated by pure sensation, but the second time was because I got a link to girlsinyogapants from a friend who didn't know about all this (it was a tinyurl link) and while it never progressed to real porn....oh boy. The urge to look at actual porn following that has been much, much stronger and I am starting to actively avoid using the computer when I'm alone because I'm afraid of what I might do. I remember telling myself that I should probably not be doing this but I just couldn't stop myself. As I am typing this I keep thinking well I'll just go take a peek and have to constantly tell myself no.

    When I decided to go without PMO I also uninstalled all the games off my PC (quite a few) and made a rule with myself that I could only play a specific game that my neighbors played, and even then only when I was over at their apartment and playing with them. That has curtailed my game usage and I am definitely happy with that but I am starting to think that games may be the crutch that I need to get me through the next two months, but then again so would a new girl. Either way there is no easy way out of this, so I'll just have to keep trucking.
     
  20. TheDude

    TheDude New Member

    Well, yesterday did not go so well. Was texting the girl from winter break again and it got me worked up, this lead to edging, which lead to taking a peek at some pictures and then it all came rushing back, so this was a no bullshit full relapse. I am taking this as a learning experience, and contrasting how I felt with these girls physically to the incredible arousal I experienced that I felt yesterday, the dopamine rush was similar to what I experienced when I first discovered pornography. That has me worried, and now I am ready to tell myself no. Part of this was based on my own over inquisitiveness. I am the guy who reads an article with links in it and has to open all of them and read them, so when I saw a picture of a very attractive girl in yoga pants and one of the comments said that this was from a porn-o, I HAD to see it. That was the rationalization I used, that I had to know what this was, I had to see it for myself. Now that I have, the urge to find out about it is much lower but definitely still there. Went for a run this morning and feel pretty good, so here is to the first day of at least 28 to come. Got to break the old record.
     

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