Hey all, So, like many of you I am here to vent, get a little support and read about how others are going through this. Obligatory background story, sorry about the length but I need to vent a bit: I am 20 years old, and have been masturbating for the last 8 years. Not entirely sure what sparked it at first, but I am sure that I was not doing it to the extreme until high school rolled around. During high school I began to have access to my own computer, and so my porn use began to increase. I had viewed porn prior to it, but it was something done only rarely as the family computer was, well, the family computer and I was worried about getting walked in on or my parents finding out. When I received my own computer I began viewing more porn, but I was (I now know) blessed by having very, very crap internet so I was not able to get into the whole streaming thing. This meant that I had access to a few downloaded videos and that was it. I began masturbating perhaps daily (not really sure how often, to be honest) by the end of high school and never really had any sexual contact with women, which I wrote down to just plain old anxiety and fear of rejection, something I am sure we can all relate to. Then college started. College for me meant a whole new world, and as a bit of a shy person that was a bit much. I had a good roommate who was often in the library studying, during which I began my streaming porn habit. I began masturbating as often as 4 times a day if it was a weekend and I had the time. I did not realize it, but I was replacing genuine physical and emotional intimacy with women with pornography. I was single all through my first 2.5 years of college, only making out with a single girl and chalked it all up to being "picky" about women and social anxiety. During this time my masturbation habit was escalating, I would have an hour gap in between classes and I would hurry back to the dorm to masturbate. It became almost a non sexual habit for me, where I would masturbate if I couldn't sleep, if nothing else was going on, etc. It would get particularly bad when I would go for breaks. My college has an early schedule, so few if any of my friends would be home at the same time. This lead to me spending most of my time in my room, masturbating. I would masturbate, watch a movie, see a hot girl in it, open a browser, masturbate, etc. This would happen sometimes as much as 6 times a day, getting to the point at the end of the day where there was not even all that much pleasure involved, just the urge to mechanically perform the action. I would only ejaculate on the first time, something which should have been sending out all sorts of warning signals but I wasn't really looking for them. My first real sexual experience happened last January, over my winter break. I met this girl at a party, we started hooking up, and then we went back to her apartment. She made it clear that we were not going to have sex (which I was ok with, because I had just met her and because I was more than a little nervous/embarrassed about being a virgin) and we ended up in the bedroom. We ended up without any clothes on and I asked if she would be willing to go down on me, but she said she would not that night. We tried to make the best of this and she started to give me a handjob, but it just wasn't really doing it for me. She would get her fingers wet with her mouth and then stroke a bit, it would feel good for a few seconds and then it would start drying up and just getting uncomfortable. I blamed this (in my head) on her not really being "good" at it, but I realize now that it was because she was not using a "Deathgrip" similar to what I was using to masturbate with. I went down to visit a friend for a couple of days, and went without masturbating because I didn't really feel the urge for the first two days and because we were sleeping in the same room. I noticed at the end of my stay (5 days) that I was getting morning wood, as well as being far more sensitive than I could remember. I scheduled another date with the girl the day I got back, and that morning I masturbated, telling myself that this way I wouldn't be too excited when I went on the date/that night. I masturbated once, it felt phenomenal, and then I did two more times. That night she brought some lube out, and that (and her mouth) helped things along. I did notice that light stroking even with the lubricant wasn't getting the job done, so I showed her how to do what I was used to (gripping the penis like a fist, tight grip) and that felt a lot better. I got back down to school and felt quite a bit better about myself, but still wasn't really sexually active. I slid right back into masturbating several times a day, as the toxic combination of having your own room and access to high speed internet (I have spent the last semester and a half in an apartment) worked its way into my system. I would turn down invitations to go out socially because I would rather sit around and play video games/masturbate instead. Then, I met another girl, lets call her Sally. Sally knocked me off my feet, we met in a tutoring group, started flirting a bit there and then later on FB/texting. She is drop dead gorgeous so I didn't think that she could possibly be interested in me, but then I asked her out and she said yes so that answered that question. We went out for dinner and then she came back to my apartment. We watched a movie and started making out on my front couch, and that was as far as it went that day. I made another date for 4 days later, which went a bit farther. We started on the couch and then moved back to my bedroom, where the clothes came out and we got each other off. She went down on me and I noticed that it just, well, didn't feel all that good. I mean, I found her very, very attractive, quite a bit more than that other girl and she knew what she was doing but it just didn't seem to feel all that amazing. I came in about 2 minutes, and it felt very good but not as good as it had before. Looking back, I realize that it was probably because I had masturbated somewhere around 12 times that day as well as the two days before it. We scheduled another date, and this time she hinted that we were going to go a bit farther than previously. She came over, repeat of last time. We made out on the couch, went back to my room and went down on each other. This time I had the same good but not great sensation (I could recall times that I had masturbated and it felt far better. This worried me but not everything had quite fallen into place yet) and then we went out to a party had a drink or two over the course of an hour and headed back to my apartment. We started out with a little foreplay, I went down on her and then she asked if I wanted to have sex. I awkwardly explained that I was virgin and she just smiled and asked where the condoms where. She put it on and I noticed that I just wasn't that hard, I was fully extended and a little stiff but not enough to achieve penetration. The condom came off, she started teasing me a little with her mouth but it wasn't enough to get me fully erect. Another condom went on and we tried anyway, but it just wasn't working and she finished me off with her mouth. Needless to say I was mortified, and spent a good few minutes telling her it was 100% not her fault in any way, we wrote it off as performance anxiety and the fact that she had gotten me off earlier. The next morning she left as she had work and I laid in my bed and wondered why in the hell this had happened. As a test I fired up some porn and tried to masturbate but I wasn't even able to get a full erection like that, which I attribute to the multiple orgasms I had the night before but it still worried me. So I called up a very close family friend with whom I knew I could talk with about these sorts of things. She had been telling me for years to cut the porn out of my life and she started that up again, but now I was reading all the articles that she would send me in a totally different light, and then I found yourbrainonporn. Jesus is all I could say to myself. The porn induced ED made everything sort of fall into place, particularly why the multiple windows/switching edging triggered such a powerful orgasm for me compared to plain old fantasy and single video, as well as the novelty "perfect picture" rapidly became just another picture after climax. This scared me absolutely shitless, as I really liked this girl on and wanted this relationship to work out. I immediately deleted every single thing that I had on my hard drive, I blocked the sites that I visited the most frequently, and I stopped masturbating. All of this started 7days ago. The first few days were actually pretty easy, and "Sally" was really busy that week so all we could do was have lunch on Wednesday. I started having daydreams about her quite a bit, leading to quite strong erections after day 3 or so and continuing up until now. To be clear, these are not porn fueled bend her over a table and pound type fantasies, but more just remembering kissing her and stuff like that. This is where I feel that I differ a little bit from where many of the other stories that I read on here. I had actually been moving away from "Hardcore" for the last year or so. I just didn't get all that turned on by the rough sex that I saw there, and preferred the X art type slow, soft core sensual stuff. Why I bring this up is because I have been reading that fantasies are generally frowned on, but these are healthy fantasies that virile guys my age should be having. Unfortunately they lead to urges (I am on day 8 now, and oh boy is it getting hard. Pun intended) that I have been able to keep down for now. I might fondle myself a little bit because it feels very, very good but every time I think about continuing I just remember how embarrassed I was that night and the urge dies pretty quickly. I have felt a few urges to watch porn, but I haven't seen a frame this whole time and I don't think that I am going to relapse on that part. So that is the story so far. I have been keeping a personal, pen and paper journal for the last week and I figured that it was time to get started on here as well. I am trying to get "Sally" to come on over but we both have a very busy schedule for this upcoming week and then she is leaving on a service trip for spring break, so I don't know if I will be able to have a female created orgasm for another two weeks or so. I have been signing up for work shifts like mad over break to make sure that I have plenty to do to keep me occupied. My libido is already quite elevated and I really, really, want her to come over but another part of me wants to be PMO for as long as possible before getting back into bed with her, to guarantee no repeats of last time. Another part complicating this is that I just had some warts taken off my feet so I haven't been able to run (normally work out every weekday in the morning plus solo running) and this means that I have quite a bit more downtime and energy than normal, which is not helping in distracting me from urges. Oh well, should be back on my feet by Tuesday and that should help quite a bit. If you have any questions or comments I would love to hear them, the more time that I spend reading and responding the less time I have for temptation.