Here goes nothing. I've been living in an environment with toxic parents. To be honest, I'm a little bit confused as to whether they are toxic. But I guess they are toxic if I feel extreme stress, headache, anxiety, nervousness whenever I'm with them. So here's what I think. Because I've been feeling bad whenever I'm with them, I use porn as an escape. In that temporary moment, I get to feel good, I feel focused and present, I don't worry about my parents. Anyway that's my theory for one of the reasons why I watch porn. Another one is because I'm horny and I don't have an outlet lol. I'm 23 for crying out loud and I had 2 girlfriends only in high school. Lol I long for female companionship. But that's natural. Everything's under control when my parents are happy. I don't feel worried, anxious, nervous. I can focus on growing myself. But when things get bad and my parents (especially my dad) get unhappy, I'm in panic mode. What a way to live. I mean making my decisions on whether my parents are going to be happy or not. So these days, I'm operating/managing a business. It was my dad's idea to start the business. There were many underlying reasons why I said yes, but one of them was because I didn't want to upset him. But turns out I underestimated what this endeavor would require of me. I'm stressed all day. I haven't got a proper rest for the last 3 months. I can't go meet my friends and hang out. Because of the coronavirus, people don't come out to eat a lot and because the revenue is so low compared to the expenses, my dad is going at it at me about why I'm managing the business so terribly. To be honest, I've done everything to the best of my ability up to the last three months. But I don't think I'm just cut out for sales and marketing. Every fiber of my being resists the act of doing it and even the thought of doing it. But my dad doesn't see it that way. He says for me to give up the business in a month and do something else. I'm really looking forward to that day honestly because the last three months were hell on fast forward mode. There are people that's cut out for entrepreneurship and business. And there are people who are not. The people that are cut out for it can overcome their lack of experience through perseverance and passion but the people that aren't just can't. Looking at myself, I fall into the people that just aren't cut out for it. I just want to be away from this toxic environment. To do that, I need to be thoughtful. That's it for today. I'm tired and I need to get ready for another day of hell. More like drudge through the day.