Just joined the 40s club

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by CleanBootsBaby!, Jan 18, 2022.

  1. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Well-Known Member

    Just passing by to get a glimpse of my counter. Works well as a motivation.
     
  2. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    That's great @CleanBootsBaby! . Thanks for your inspiring thread. I often think about how, if the root beer hit the ceiling fan in my life, if everything went to pot, knowing myself, I'd probably turn to deep dives into P to cope - which you haven't done in your situation. (Hopefully I'm wrong about myself, and through this process I'll get further away from that, but I guess we don't know how we'll react until we get there.) Anyway your example is really striking - keep it up.
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2022
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  3. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Well-Known Member

    Hey, really appreciate it! I did, too, dive into P after the divorce, but then I pulled myself out of it. Such form of self-medication is never welcome...

    And I am sure, Rudolf, that you, too, would find it in yourself, you'd discover the motivation to do the right thing...

    Besides, the temptation always exists. It comes in waves. I was tempted right before coming here. I decided to check the forum for inspiration, instead of dumpster diving.
     
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  4. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Well-Known Member

    Well boys...12 days ago I was telling you about an unknown disease and my battle with it. I won't get into details, but it is one that changes the look of a person; it would be impossible to ignore in society, and it brings a great deal of distress to the sufferer. The kind that follows you everywhere. It debuted a little bit over 4 years ago, with me starting to seriously look into treatments one year ago...after hoping in vain it was all based on past stressful situations and it would go away "on its own". (Nope, it's not balding, as much as most dread it.)

    After one year of trying different prescribed treatments, some very uncomfortable, with basically no results...including 3 months of the last treatment making everything worse than ever...I finally had the breakthrough :). An off-label treatment based on my own research.

    Still, again, nothing good happened for a long while - on the contrary. All the studies pretty much told me to forget it. However, I prayed during this time, and the most baffling thing was receiving the same answer again and again: to stick with it. If only someone were back then with me to see all the proof...

    I wanted to quit many times, don't kid yourselves. I thought I was delusional, sometimes. Many times. But then, I decided to simply give Him enough faith "to work with", knowing I had a promise...and accept whatever comes, regardless of the outcome - so even if I was wrong. Trusting He would, somehow make a way...and, again, being faithful even if I was wrong and misheard Him. So I clenched my teeth, and continued doing my little "ritual", sometimes fighting off the fear of what my eyes saw. Finally, after a gradual process, multiple dwellings in the Word, I got to a place of peace, after more struggle than I thought I could endure - day and night - as things were still getting worse...

    But today I am astonished. I was mere days away from the breakthrough every evidence was shouting at me that I am a fool. What if I just gave up?

    Now, I see improvements every day. I look at my face in the mirror and I see the old me, things I haven't seen I don't even recall since. All at the cost of a few seconds per day, and a little under 6$/month.

    I also now that had He taken it all away sooner, I would have missed more than a faith-building experience. I don't know why my healing from other illness (heart disease) was a complete, unexplained miracle, while this one required intervention on my part. But I am not here to question Him. I am here to thank and praise Him.

    If you believe in God and also that He still works in various ways in our lives, rejoice with me. If you don't believe in Him, still, rejoice with a man that sees a future in front of him.

    But, now coming closer "to home" - the reason why we are all here - allow me to offer an advice that applies to your own situation: do not give up until your miracle takes place. I know for some it is instant, others need to toil in order to achieve it. Do whatever it takes.

     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2022
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  5. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Wowza!
     
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  6. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Well-Known Member

    Yeah, still hard to process, honestly.
     
  7. TheUnhappyFapper

    TheUnhappyFapper Active Member

    Boots, good on you man. Glad your prayers were answered and that you are still persevering. It's really hard at times but what else can you do but keep on pushing through. God bless you and i hope you finally break this evil cycle.
     
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  8. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Well-Known Member

    Thank you.

    It's not quite a walk in the part right now, to be honest, to stay clean. But I'm hanging on! :)
     
  9. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Well-Known Member

    't was a struggle, but came up on top.

    Life started being really miserable once again (health stuff, the prospect of investing lots of $ to fix it, loneliness), and the call of the familiar "crutch" was very strong at times ("Why even try anymore? Come on, I can delete that pain for a little while..." - certainly, at the cost of paying double later). So...nah. Nah, nah, nah.

    One day it will be much, much better. In the mean time, all I can do is prepare for those days.
     
  10. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You're doing great, CBB!
     
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  11. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Well-Known Member

    Thank you!

    I found a new motivation, I will get this regardless of how things are going on otherwise.

    Two cracked teeth (seems I could be one of the rare ones with such Covid sides...), regardless of whether they can be saved or will require two implants :|...won't derail me.

    This year alone, so far, brought: Covid for me and my parents (my mother still suffering in the aftermath greatly...), a battle with some hormonal medication side effects, my brother caught in an incident where he was threatened with a gun, my sister physically assaulted - thankfully stopped in time and the guy probably facing jail time, the devastating death of a two-month old nephew...and now these cracked teeth that may be beyond saving.

    It's been 4 and half years since I rarely get two months without something non-trivial going wrong; things go from bad to worse.

    On top of it, two times (this year) it seemed I was about to get into serious money...but my principles, as a Christian, made me say "pass" to these opportunities. Zero regrets, I want to be able to look myself in the mirror, and others in the eyes. To 99% of the people on this forum, if they were to know the details, I very well could be called "stupid", or at least a condescending "naive" for not taking what "life" was handing me on a golden platter. However, there's nothing better than a clear conscience.

    Did I mention loneliness, so no outlet for my sex drive? I didn't, so I do, now :). I could get it, and could get plenty of it. But, again, my principles say no - the same principles that won't let me watch porn.

    I mention all these because although they do sound like exaggerations and fantasy book-worthy (I assure you they are not), no one knows me and hopefully they won't be counted as boasting. It's simply the hard, cold, truth.

    At least I am not a hypocrite and these years of virtually continuous pain have morphed my character in a more Christ-like fashion. I am sure beyond any doubt there's a reason, and also an end to these trials. They are simply too ridiculous, a stream of never-ending misfortunes, to be "random".

    And I also think they will end on this side of eternity. If not, well, see me smiling on the other side ;). But you'll see me on both sides, methinks strongly.



    God is good, no matter what, and He is worthy of a proper response to the Romans 12:1 calling: Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.

    So, to whomever is reading this: if you're doing worse in life at the moment than I, then by all means...give in. If you have a decent life and a spouse willing to be intimate with you..please, please think again.

    People have died for their beliefs. What is your excuse?
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2022
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