Just getting started... gotta do something different

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by seebs75, Nov 2, 2017.

  1. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Staying away from PMO and MO will help you in the sack. You will be a new man. No pussy can create the friction that our death grip can. We have to rewire to the sensation of a woman's soft skin. Before my reboot my penis only responded to pixels and my own hand.

    As I said before, you are young, and you have lots of great sex ahead of you if you stay the course.
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2017
    seebs75 likes this.
  2. seebs75

    seebs75 Member

    I hate roller coasters....
  3. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    The peaks and valleys will even out, you're doing great.
    seebs75 likes this.
  4. seebs75

    seebs75 Member

    Just finishing up day 9. I had to get up very early 4am to do some work and the urge to pmo was strong. I got to thinking (which tends to be dangerous) and It became clear to me the urge is not for P, but just to have “the feeling” again. It feels like a craving and the lie is it would feel so good. I think it is easier when i realize it’s just my jacked up brain screaming out for a fix and I don’t really want it.

    I keep reading about people “flatlining.” Can someone explain it to me or what the symptoms are?
  5. bobjes

    bobjes Active Member

    Great. For me it is, whatever happens, PMO is not an option...

    flatlining: no feeling in your cock, no hard on's, no morning wood, no nothing... for some men this can last for a long time. Some men do not get this at all.
    It can be a danger as not feeling anything in your cock might lead you to "check" if it still works with PMO. Some men welcome it as it makes getting through the reboot easier.
    Billy B. likes this.
  6. 57yrold

    57yrold Member

    Don't forget the depression, anxiety, insomnia. Generally feeling like crap. Not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel....

    It sucks, big time, but it means that your brain is rebooting. You are getting BETTER. Fight through it like a man and come out the other side stronger, healthier, and ready for a beautiful life.

    Billy B. likes this.
  7. seebs75

    seebs75 Member

    I definitely have been feeling that the past few days. Not even sure if everything is working correctly downstairs. This morning I woke up and was not in a good mood. My wife asked me about it and I told her I didn’t really know as there was no specific thing that I had to be anxious about, but I was definitely feeling anxiety.

    I suggested that I wanted to lay back down and take a nap. She got in the bed with me and we laid next to each other and slept. When I woke up I started hugging her and immediately things came to life. It was pretty encouraging to just be able to lay there, feeling that and knowing that things will be OK. We didn’t do anything beyond the holding and it was nice.
    Billy B. and bobjes like this.
  8. 57yrold

    57yrold Member


    Perfect way to handle things. Relaxed, calm, communicating. Beautiful, supportive time with your wife.

    I'm impressed! You did great!
    seebs75 likes this.
  9. seebs75

    seebs75 Member

    I made it to day 11. I also had sex for the first time since I started. It had been 10 days since my last O. It had probably been 2-3 weeks since the last time we had sex. I’m pretty sure I did not finish the last time we had sex.

    In my previous post I talked about how we took a nap together and she told me she wanted to have sex last night so I knew it was coming. I had a strange mix of excitement and anxiety. We started fooling around and I had an instant hard on. I was able to maintain it for a while. I started to lose it when I get intercourse, but it was semi hard. We had intercourse for a little bit and then I stopped and finished with my hand. I guess I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to finish the other way.

    When we were done I had a mixed bag of emotions. Mostly good and thankful with some anxiety and shame. I did try to understand what my mixed bag of emotions were, but just about to be.

    This morning I woke up and had very strong urge to MO. I pushed that desired to the back and tried to recognize it for what it was. Then I had strong urge for P. I had to sit with some very uncomfortable emotions. None of this was a surprise as I kind of knew what to expect, but it still didn’t feel great. I think I was able to hold up the positive recent experiences against the urge and what I do the future outcome would be if I gave in. I still have very strong urge to O again. In my mind I want to do it with my wife, but I am unsure about the balance between using her to give me off versus doing it with her because we are in relationship.

    Anyway, I feel like this was an important step for me. I know reading other journals, 11 days is not much, but to me it feels good. I especially appreciate the comments and support like it on here. I have never Journaled like this before and I’m rather enjoying it. Good luck to the rest of your fellow travelers as you navigate this day
    bobjes likes this.
  10. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    11 days is positive, certainly better than 0 days.Your strength of purpose is showing dude ! Good on you ! My feeling is it's tougher to have a wife or a SO while your doing this. It adds another dimension of concern and worry, your doing really well imho
  11. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    If you can handle the frequency of O's, and your wife is willing, I'd go for the sex. Never worry about what the wife wants or how she feels about it. It sounds cruel to us guys who think we have to be nice, but it's the opposite. I have a wife, she has a vagina. Part of the marriage contract is that my penis will go in her vagina, otherwise what's the point? :)
  12. 57yrold

    57yrold Member

    Hey, you're off to a great start. 11 days is terrific! Keep your goal in mind and stay strong.

    For me personally, it's a very, very strict NO P, NO M, NO O.

    Even with my wife. Any of those three, and I reset the counter and start over.
  13. seebs75

    seebs75 Member

    16 days today and I haven’t been on this board much this week. All in all a pretty good week. My emotions are still all over the place and I had a time where I got really upset with my boss which is not usual for me. It all worked out though and in fact my wife noted that I handled myself differently that I had in the past. I also got into a discussion with my wife and an old friend over dinner about my past behavior and it was very comforting to know that I was clean-even if it had only been two weeks. That two weeks felt much better than knowing that I was secretly using again.

    This weekend has been more difficult for me with more urge to pmo. We didn’t have anything going on this whole weekend and I think I’m feeling restless. It feels as though I’m uncomfortable in my own skin. This is the first time since I start d where I haven’t had a crazy busy weekend and I wonder how many times in the past and medicated what I was just hanging out with my family. It seems sad that I don’t feel it rest at home. I also got some big bills in the mail in the last 24 hours and the financial insecurity really causes me anxiety. I have been feeling very horny the past few days as well. I’m not sure how much is genuine desire for my wife and how much is my brain wanting a fix. Maybe they are one in the same at this point. On one hand I love the progress and the feeling that I am having, but on the other hand when the pressure is up I desperately want to feel some sort of relief. I think I will do as Saville has suggested and throw myself into taking care of tasks at home that I’ve neglected.
    Saville and Libertad like this.
  14. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Just go with it and try to interest the wife in having sex, is my advice. I was a total horn dog for the first 10 months of my reboot. I'm sure some of it was related to the brain wanting its fix, but I didn't think too much on it, just tried to give the wife the bone. :D Now I feel differently about sex, but the wife and are still doing our once-a-week bonky bonky. I guess my brain has calmed down in that regard, so now I can do other things in my life that feel edifying. Your progress is going great!
  15. seebs75

    seebs75 Member

    Well plans aborted. Went to wife and aunt flo was visiting. She felt miserable and i respected that.

    Woke up early this morning and got productive. Making food, cleaning, getting ready for thanksgiving week. I have some time off this week and I’m going to make it my goal to be present with my family instead of running from connection.
    bobjes and Saville like this.
  16. seebs75

    seebs75 Member

    Wife gone for the night. Restless. Messing around on instagram. Feeding the beast. Stepping off for a bit.
  17. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Welcome aboard, Seebs75:)

    You're among friends here, regards of the good, the bad, or the ugly.

    And with PMO, it certainly can get ugly.

    You're in the right place. Keep posting!
  18. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    P subs are just as bad, especially today with all the hi-defintion images. Hang in there!
  19. seebs75

    seebs75 Member

    So yesterday was Thanksgiving and I hit 21 Days with no PMO. I’ve heard that if you something 21 Days it becomes a habit. I don’t know if that applies to this fight, but I felt good reaching it. It has been so long since I’ve been 21 days clean.

    I had a good day with my family and last night I had sex with my wife for the second time during this stretch. It was really good. Better erection and no delayed O. Afterwards I felt better than I have emotionally. For a long time i have felt some weird existential shame or guilt following sex. Almost like the shame around pmo had become one with normal marital sex. Anyway, last night it was still there but it was less. Hard to quantify, but it felt better.

    Then today my wife was was very sad over a decision I made. When she told me, i felt bad. I didn’t feel bad about my decision, but rather felt sad that she was sad. Holy Shit! I actually felt empathy and it was great. I sat there talking to her and being with her and didn’t make it all about me. The was such a huge pattern shift and she noticed.

    Anyway as I reflected on what I was thankful for on thanksgiving, I recognized how thankful I was for this group and being able to express my thoughts in a shame free place. When I went to post this morning, the site was down and I kind of panicked because I have come to rely on it (and by extension everyone here) to help me on my way.

    Saville, Billy B. and Libertad like this.
  20. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Thank you for sharing such a heartening, uplifting, story, my friend. :) Great things are afoot in your life.

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