Just found out..

Discussion in 'Women' started by Wife3213, Jan 10, 2014.

  1. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Who was it that called TV a vast wasteland? I believe that was over fifty years ago and nothing has improved. I really think that TV's role in our economy is to soften the will of people so that they are more compliant as consumers. I'm not surprised by anything on TV anymore. I got rid of my satellite some years ago and have not missed it one bit. Ads are the worst of it.
  2. Wife3213

    Wife3213 New Member

    Gracie- after talking to him he definitely wants to go 30 days without it, and then reevaluate. commercials are vile for so many reasons.

    TV is a terrible wasteland. But alas I do have my list of shows. There's really only 4 all year that I watch on a week to week basis. I hate commercials, like I really hate them. I get so annoyed that I have to sit and watch a show that is really only 40 minutes for and hour! I might as well watch a movie. Have you ever seen a kids channel, like nick. It is absolutely disgusting how they market to children. The small amount of tv my 4year old can watch is all on Netflix.

    We will keep an eye on all aspects.
  3. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    I use Netflix on demand and DVDs.
  4. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Good luck.

    He sounds sincere he wants to quit. I also found massive issues came from looking at sites like motherless. They definitely alter not only your sexuality but a lot of your emotions.

    If he has gotten to the point of watching tranny porn, snuff porn etc on motherless then its more then a 30 day thing. I did 5 months free and still relapsed and still found porn appealing although not any weird stuff any more. If he wants to get rid of DE/ED then porn just cant be in his life any more due to years of overuse.
  5. Wife3213

    Wife3213 New Member

    Thanks game over. Yesterday was absolutely horrible, day 6. He was having a really hard time, anxiety, depression, the works. It was so bad it made him realize, through his severe withdrawal symptoms, how badly he was actually addicted, which made him more depressed and angry. He was almost crying one minute, then super angry, then racing heart, then just comatose looking at the ceiling for a while. it was up and down for hours, I actually pushed him out the door and made him go for a walk. He wasn't that much better when he came back but at least the house was tension free for 20min. It was a rough afternoon and evening for both of us.

    And I agree, this isn't Just a short reboot for him, this is a lifestyle change. No going back. He set the 30 day goal as more of a small, achievable goal so it doesn't feel overwhelming. But that will keep getting extended indefinitely.

    When you stumbled back into porn did you go right back into ED issues or was it still better than it was when you started? It seems like you are getting it back together though. Don't let your little step back negate all of the work you've done. 5months is a long time and surely your brain did so much healing in that time! So a little back sliding but now it's time to move forward. :)
  6. NewLeaseOnLife

    NewLeaseOnLife New Member

    This was my first reaction to your initial post. What kind of porn addict doesn't use safe browsers or at least clean up afterwards? Getting rid of evidence was a compulsion for me.

    It sounds like you communicate well and keep each others' best interests at heart.
  7. Wife3213

    Wife3213 New Member

    Ya that sub-conscience at work. He said he normally He would delete his history. He doesn't know why he hadn't for so long. There was a good month of history on there. On day 2 He said the it is a huge weight off his shoulders that he doesn't have to hide it from me and constantly worry if I would find out. So ya Freudian haha.

    Thanks. I just want him better. He's wonderful and P is not healthy for him or our relationship. Whatever it takes, however long, I'm in.
  8. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Sounds promising.
  9. anonymouse

    anonymouse New Member

    I felt the same way. It feels so good not to have to hide what I'm doing or worry about my computer being left in the open or clearing search/browser histories. It really is liberating.
  10. Wife3213

    Wife3213 New Member


    I would go crazy if I had to constantly worry about getting found out. it gives me anxiety just thinking about it. So if nothing else, getting that weight off your shoulders relieved some stress :)
  11. emmagc

    emmagc New Member

    I wasn't sure if there were any other women dealing with these kind of problems. It's not something most people want to discuss, understandably. I had never even heard of DE before. As much as we know it's not us, it still hurts and is upsetting. My boyfriend seems quite similar to your husband with the anxiety and always holding himself to a high standard. One of the many reasons I love him. He's 44 and I am 38.

    He was married to a woman that felt that sex was dirty, so he turned to porn. I was married to a man who lost his sex drive and wouldn't do anything to help himself. After a few years, it became too much for me. It's not just sex, but the intimacy and closeness that accompanies it.

    I am so new to all of this. I never had a problem with using porn to spice things up but I also didn't have a relationship with someone addicted to it. Now I am becoming aware of just how much tv and movies can be triggers. We are taking it a day at a time but I am hopeful.
  12. Wife3213

    Wife3213 New Member

    emmagc. ya its such a taboo topic, I would never talk to anyone about this issue. And my husband certainly wouldnt want to tell anyone, it took him 3 years to come clean with me.

    I agree, while i do love sex in itself, I crave intimacy and closeness with my husband. I knew these 2 weeks were going to be difficult for me, but they were much harder than i thought. i feel very far away from him, and its difficult to not feel very close to him and still be supportive and positive.

    One day at a time is the best way. Triggers are everywhere! It's impossible to avoid them all. Communication is your best ally, talk about everything. How he's feeling physically, emotionally, mentally. Find new ways for him to deal with his anxiety, suggest different coping methods (exercise, reading, cooking etc). As difficult as this addiction can be to overcome, having a supporter will make it easier for him to succeed.
  13. Wife3213

    Wife3213 New Member


    Great long weekend, he is on day 13 and feeling pretty good! When we came home from the weekend at his parents he had some urges to look but resisted. Went for a family walk instead.
  14. Wife3213

    Wife3213 New Member

    Haven't updated in a while so...

    He is doing GREAT! he will hit the one month mark on Friday!

    We did have one attempt at two weeks, everything went good. NO O, but we weren't really concerned with that so much. He said he had actual feeling in places he has never felt from sex, so thats a good thing lol. He had a pretty long flatline after that, I think he is just now starting to come out of it. So we have not attempted again.

    I will note that he is "hanging" lower than i have EVER seen on him. Normally they are like right up against his body, but the last week or so they have been "relaxing" a lot.
  15. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    It sounds like progress, that's for sure. Congrats!

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