Just Another Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Catharsis, May 29, 2017.

  1. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 389
    Thursday, 3:45 PM
    28/06/2018
    June Total: (13/28)


    Been a while since I posted.
    Visited a massage parlour once.

    Apart from that, and quite a lot of PMO I've been doing alright.
    So yeah, not great.

    Back on the wagon again I suppose.
     
  2. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 390
    Friday, 3:04 PM
    29/06/2018
    June Total: (13/29)

    Not too much going.
    Just need to keep off devices and stuff.

    Need to start working on things and writing out what I want to do each week.
     
  3. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 391
    Saturday, 12:05 PM
    30/06/2018
    June Total: (14/30)

    Relapsed last night.
    Around ~10:30pm.

    Peeked during the day as well.
    Slightly frustrated with some situations going on at home.

    Results coming out next week.
    Hopefully they're good.
     
  4. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 403
    Thursday, 4:12 PM
    12/07/2018
    July Total: (6/12)

    I'm kinda fucked. Not doing too well.
    Been watching a lot of porn.
    Went to a massage parlour (again) and visited a hooker (just got back actually).


    Maybe I need something more extreme.
    I don't know.

    Anyway. Fuck it.
    Starting from tomorrow. Journal every day again.

    Oh and I turned 21.
     
  5. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 404
    Friday, 7:48 AM
    13/07/2018
    July Total: (6/13)

    Journal everyday.

    That's step 1.

    Actually feeling pretty good nowadays.
    Need to cut reddit out of my life.
     
  6. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 405
    Saturday, 11:35 AM
    14/07/2018
    July Total: (6/14)

    Going to be travelling again in about a week.
    Feeling good, energised.

    I've got a lot of shit to do.
    I've been reading Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker.

    Haven't been getting too much exercise.
    Need to start exercising more.

    I'm just trying to sort out my life, and get organised.
     
  7. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 424
    Friday, 9:19 PM
    03/08/2018
    August Total: (1/03)

    Not doing great.
    Visited a hooker last night.
    Took an Uber to a dodgy part of town. Was not sure if it was safe or not.
    Stupid as fuck. Probably spent the better part of 5+ hours with her (she only charged me for the first hour—she liked me).

    Just relapsed.
    Relapse
    What: Porn
    Length: 20+ minutes
    Time: ~20:30 - 21:20
    Where: Bedroom
    Who's around: Alone
    Last action: Phone
    Emotion: Not sure​


    I need to get myself to stop.
    If I cannot wean myself from this, then I will be lost.
    A shadow amongst shadows, doomed to defeat.

    This habit is toxic. But I don't know how to stop.

    All that separates the man I could be and the man that I am is this habit.

    I need to journal more.

    I'm going to meditate every day for six weeks.
    Starting tomorrow.
     
  8. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 426
    Sunday, 10:52 AM
    05/08/2018
    August Total: (1/05)

    Was super busy yesterday (up at 6:00) and back at 10:00) so didn't have time to journal.

    Did meditate on the bus.
    I need to keep journaling. Since I stopped journaling everyday, I haven't really been making progress, and in a lot of ways I've been backsliding.

    I need to start taking notes on what I read as well. It's such a great tool for learning.
    Apart from that I feel pretty good with how I'm doing...

    Anyway.
    That's all for now.
     
  9. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 427
    Monday, 6:35 PM
    06/08/2018
    August Total: (01/06)

    Almost forgot to journal.
    Just moved, and fell out of routine a bit.

    Didn't meditate either, but I'll do that after this.

    Just finished reading The Crossing.
    I'm starting to become a big fan of Cormac McCarthy.

    I'm not really sure what else I'm going to be doing differently.
    I have the TGC CBT course on tape, might give that a listen.

    When I get back to university, I'm gonna seek counselling.
    Apart from that, I'm doing alright.

    Anyway.
    To glory.
     
  10. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 429
    Wednesday, 7:19 PM
    08/08/2018
    August Total: (01/08)

    Doing good.
    Missed one day of meditation.

    I'm finding it difficult to journal because of the time constraint—I'm not often on my laptop in the early morning, and then I have work, and then I'm out.
    I'm thinking of switching to a paper journal actually, which has pluses and minuses.

    I'm very afraid of someone reading my journal, because of physical insecurity, and my handwriting is horrible.
    On the other hand, the physical nature of writing might be better for me, and if I live by myself the risk is minimal.

    I rarely re-read my own journal.
    I find most of the benefit comes from writing down what happened, as opposed to anything else.
    Need to start taking notes on books again.
     
  11. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 430
    Thursday, 2:37 PM
    09/08/2018
    August Total: (02/09)

    Relapsed last night, was using my laptop.
    Need to put it away before bedtime.
    Yeah, not much else to say.
     

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