Just Another Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Catharsis, May 29, 2017.

  1. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Hello everyone.

    I'm a 19 year old male (20 in about a month).
    Have not noticed any issues from porn (ED, etc).

    Found nofap/yourbrainonporn about 4 years, and have cut down on porn but have not stopped entirely.

    I decided to stop last Friday (26/05/2017) , and I think a journal will help.

    Relapsed once yesterday, but mainly did it to help relieve a migraine.
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2017
  2. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    How I plan to stop:
    • I've cut out reddit/youtube/facebook using freedom.
      I allow youtube/facebook on Sundays after 4, and use the kill newsfeed chrome extension to (suprise!) kill my facebook newsfeed.
      Reddit is always blocked.
    • Will avoid using the computer early in the morning and late at night - think I'll shedule my computer to turn off at around 9pm.
    • Have blocked most of major pornsites on freedom, and have the pluckeye extension installed.
    • Read/work in public places - not in room.
    • Journal daily.
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2017
  3. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    My "daily" journal entry is slightly late - it's currently 1:04 am.
    In my defense, I was out all day, and have just gotten home.

    Felt decent yesterday. Had some urges at late at night (I couldn't sleep).
    The journal helped - thinking about having to put it down in black and white if I relapsed.

    In the end overcame my urges, and went to sleep.

    Have been reading On the Road by Jack Kerouac.
    Not enjoying it too much - not a fan of the whole stream of consciousness thing.
    I also don't sympathise with the characters at all. Book is a bit girl heavy as well.
     
  4. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    My 3rd day post seems to have not gone through.

    Had a wet dream, was out the rest of the day.
    Don't remember having urges.
    Was at uni from 10-5. Got back and fell asleep, then went for dinner at a friends house, then went back after.

    Finished On the Road - didn't like it very much.
     
  5. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    4th day.

    This is late, again.
    Couldn't sleep last night (fell asleep at around 5:00am).
    Had urges, again, while lying there bored. Managed to overcome them by thinking about journal, again.
    Part of my motivation is honestly just the thought that I do not want to be a "failure" on this site.
    I don't want to be one of those people who starts a journal, goes for a few days, then quits.
    I'm finding the (somewhat) public nature of this forum helps.

    Today was busy, which was why this entry was late.
    Was in uni for most of the day, then ran around doing house viewings, then went back and cooked dinner.
    Hope I'll be able to sleep.
     
  6. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    5th day.

    Late again (2:58am) - but I just got back home.
    Again busy all day - got back at around 5:00 and fell asleep.

    Am not having many urges - maybe the key is just to stay active.
    Reading more as well. A book I've been waiting ages for, has finally arrived.
    Not much else to add.

    I'm surprised how much this journal is helping.
     
  7. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    6th! day.

    Much easier than any other streak I've ever had so far.
    Think it's down to removing triggers (blocking reddit/youtube + pluckeye).

    Today was similar to the other days. More staying indoors today as it's a holiday.
    Spent most of the day out and about.
    Some urges - but was out so couldn't really capitalize. Might have been tempted if I was at home.

    Finished Notorious by Jack Slack.
    Liked it - felt like a longer version of his articles. His prose isn't great.

    Have been reading All Quiet on the Western Front. Scary, scary book.
    Reminds you how easily you can die. Doesn't matter how good/strong/fast you are. Unlucky is unlucky.
    Being reminded of that has two effects on me: One side says, "Might as well enjoy yourself, as you'll die soon anyway", and the other says the opposite, "Pleasure is fleeting and won't matter when you're dead".
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2017
  8. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    7th day.

    Fucked up today.
    Didn't PMO but did something I shouldn't have.
    Crazy urges this morning.
     
  9. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    8th and 9th days.

    Missed yesterday. Barely slept and was out most of the day. Got back around 11:30pm and woke up at 9:30am.
    Obviously didn't have many urges.

    Today was more relaxed. Not too many urges again, but am fasting.
     
  10. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 10.

    Didn't sleep much today. Maybe around 5 hours.
    Gonna go to a friends house for dinner. Probably gonna back late.
    Haven't had urges - but maybe because I've been tired.
     
  11. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 11

    Had 4 and half hours of sleep last night. FML.
    Today was really cold, despite it being summer.
    Have to do some shopping today.
    Not many urges - think the important thing is to do things. Wake up and move.
    Fasting helps as well.

    Just started to listen to the Jocko Podcast.
    Loving it so far. Going to start carry my notebook with me again so I can take notes.

    Read Sex and Citadel recently.
    Interesting book (awesome cover), author was (unsurprisingly) very westernized in her attitudes.
    Not sure how healthy the western attitude is anymore.
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2017
  12. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 12

    Had very strong urges last night. Didn't succumb, but still.

    Some things I picked up from the Jocko podcast that I really liked were: waking up early and taking care of yourself.
    Waking up early is something I feel naturally inclined to, but I let myself slide when not busy, which I think has significant carryover to the day in general (waking up groggy from oversleep is not a good start to the day).
    So I plan to always set an wakeup alarm.

    Taking care of yourself (grooming) was something I picked up from his episode about concentration camps (adversity revealing the human condition) - one of piece of advice Victor Frankl (Man's Search for Meaning) receives when arriving at camp is to always shave - even if you have to use a piece of glass.
    I don't shave, but I think the idea is more to do with grooming and taking pride in one's self.

    If a concentration camp prisoner can take the effort to shave and groom himself, what excuse do I have? None.

    I've found music, especially explicit/suggestive lyrics, to be a trigger. Last night was particularly bad. Something to avoid in the future.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2017
  13. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 13 and 14.
    Chain: 0

    Yesterday was busy. A lot of running around packing and shopping.
    Went to a friend's house and ended up sleeping there - hence the lack of an update.

    Relapsed this morning. Disappointed - but not as much as I should be.
    Relapsed not out of desire, but out of boredom.
    Will be travelling to country where porn is blocked and hence let myself slide.

    A realisation: MO is just something that feels good. Like eating chocolate. Don't let it drive you crazy.
    How far would you go for a bar of chocolate?

    A big motivator for me is the idea that most people who try to do this will fail.
    I don't want to be most people.

    Fuck this.
    Back on the wagon. I'm not falling off again.
     
  14. Emilian

    Emilian New Member

    Keep up the good work, as long as you stay away from PMO and MO is progress, i think the best rewiring should be when you feel the urge to PMO just don,t and try to flirt with a girl or meet her maybe get some action. GoodLuck!
     
    Catharsis likes this.
  15. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Thank you for the kind words.
    Will keep that in mind.
     
  16. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 15
    Chain: 1

    Traveled today. Just got home.
    Very busy so no urges.
    Have been reading Extreme Ownership by Jocko. Reminds me of his podcast a lot.
    Loving it so far.

    Fuck the zero.
     
  17. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 16
    Chain: 2

    Good to be home. Settling in.
    No crazy urges or anything.
    Saw a blog post from the Power of Habit (one of my favorite books of all time), which reminded me of something: planning how to deal with urges ahead of time.

    From now on if I feel the urge coming on I will:
    1. Take a deep breath (try to detach)
    2. Step away from electronics (phone/laptop)
    3. Leave room and try to do something physical/or read a book
    4. Tell myself "Fuck the zero"
    From About Face by Hackworth: On joining a new company, that had been doing badly, one of the first things he did was institute a company mantra of "No fucking slack".
    Really like the mantra concept. Mine will be: "Fuck the zero".

    Fuck the zero.
     
  18. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Day 17
    Chain: 3

    Couldn't sleep. Had crazy urges and a lot of fantasizing.
    When I finally fell asleep it was black and dreamless.
    The fact that I'm fantasizing might be a good sign. Don't remember fantasizing in ages.
    This also means I've gotten better at saying no - I would have given in previously.

    Writing out what to do when I feel the urge helped.
    Getting up and moving around suppressed the urges somewhat.

    I've been reading Hooked by Nir Eyal.
    I'm probably addicted to a lot of shit. Will have to look into fixing that.

    Book also reminded me that old habits never die. They're there in the background always. Waiting to take over if you let them.
    I will have to be vigilant about porn for the rest of my life.

    I can control the zero.
    Fuck the zero.
     
  19. AyyLMAO

    AyyLMAO Member

    Hey man, I just went through your journal. Youre doing good, keep it up. Are you fully on no fap or is it just no pmo?

    Also I like the "fuck the zero" idea, its cool :D
     
  20. Catharsis

    Catharsis Member

    Fully nofap.
    Might switch to MO once a week.

    Stole the "Fuck the zero" concept from house of cards tbh.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2017

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