Journey to self-improvement

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Life, Nov 24, 2013.

  1. Life

    Life Member

    Some stuff about me...
    -21 yr old from the US
    -Virgin (Professional occupier of the friend-zone)
    -Social anxiety (can't make eye contact, lack of self-esteem, etc)
    -Youtube addiction
    -Video game addiction
    -Newly acquired LoL addiction (what makes it worse is that I'm currently studying abroad in Amsterdam and I'm spending a lot of time in my dorm)
    Day 1
    -I installed K9 web filter and blocked porn, video streaming/MP3, and games (my three addictions on the internet).
    -I used http://www.emailfuture.com/ to send the password 30 days in the future.
    -I used Comvingo web filter for my phone (but I will have my phone off most of the time)
    -Presentation tomorrow...first step towards self-improvement?
    A month left of studying abroad left; please don't let it go to waste
     
  2. Life

    Life Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    Day 2
    -Gave presentation, not too bad but improvement can be made
    -Went to Thanksgiving potluck in someone's room, met new people and socialized for 5 hours
    -Feeling pretty good
    -It's almost 3 am so I need sleep now, 9 am class tomorrow...
     
  3. Andy

    Andy New Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    emailfuture.com? Brilliant idea. How long have you been PMOing? 30 days may not be long enough for a complete rewire if it's before puberty
     
  4. Life

    Life Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    @Andy
    To be honest, I don't remember. Ever since I became attached to the computer, life flew by fast...As for 30 days, I like to set small goals and work my way up since intimidating goals can be demotivating.
    Day 3
    -Still difficulty making eye contact on the way to class
    -Had some small talk with certain people in class (same individuals, still within comfort zone)
    -One Youtube video led to 3 hours wasted...Need to turn off phone upon returning to dorm
    -No urges
    Overall, nothing out of the ordinary. Goal to improve social interactions may overtake goal to avoid PMO but no PMO regardless. Good thing I have
    absolutely NO access to porn...
     
  5. Life

    Life Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    Day 4
    -No urges
    -Talked to new people after human heart dissection practical
    -Went to film screening
    -Talked with a girl for a few hours, didn't even notice everyone was gone
    -Hug at end, felt genuine connection for once
    Overall, a good day. Nice step forward in terms of social interactions.
     
  6. Life

    Life Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    Day 5
    -Fell victim to Youtube (one video led to two hours gone)
    -Recovered myself afterwards by participating in class
    -Had good conversations with people
    -Got tickets to a huge paint party this Saturday so definitely stepping outside my comfort zone
    Overall, I saved myself and kept this momentum alive. Less than a month left...let's keep this up
     
  7. BigPete

    BigPete New Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    Way to go. Keep it up. One of the greatest challenges as a man is self improvement, I would know all about that; my personal struggle through life but I won't bore you with the details. Some of the simplest things are the hardest to grasp such as "take it one day at a time". But alas, that is what you need to do. Focus on today and not tomorrow and watch the days add up. If you have a dream in life you need to pursue it and protect it no matter what the cost. Search for your true love, make mistakes but learn from them. Stay in school and figure out what you want to truly do with your life and to be happy. Don't waste it, you only have one chance, one life, one opportunity to make something of yourself. Good luck :)
     
  8. Life

    Life Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    Thanks for the advice! Discovering one's true self is definitely one of the priorities especially around my age.
    Day 6
    -Eye contact still needs improvement
    -Social interaction lacking
    -Took a step out of my comfort zone and went to a meditation session
    -Found a way to bypass password...led to many hours of LoL
    -However, I was able to avoid PMO which usually happens at the end of a absentminded indulgence session
    -Found a way to amend password issue and will continue on
    Overall, a narrow escape but a success nonetheless. Paint party in 19 hours, can't wait!
     
  9. Life

    Life Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    Day 7
    -Had people over for pre-drinks before paint party
    -Had deep discussions but I'm still not good at socializing in groups so I didn't contribute much
    -Paint party was awesome, but it seems that I always isolate myself while being with other people (if that makes sense)
    Overall, a pretty fun and productive day but it seems that I am still socially backwards. I think not socializing that much from middle school on might had had an impact? Nonetheless, the past is the past and I need to move forward. Keeping myself occupied prevents any desire for PMO so I need to continue avoiding boredom.
     
  10. Life

    Life Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    Day 8
    -Very unproductive day, ended up on youtube again
    -No socializing at all but that's a typical Sunday for me
    -Got K9 web filter on my phone as well so youtube is now blocked (and password will be sent to me in the future)
    Overall, a lazy Sunday but I'm expecting the K9 filter to be the catalyst of something great. However, it will take action on my part to work towards my goals as well.
     
  11. Life

    Life Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    Day 9
    -Pretty productive day thanks to the Pomodoro technique
    -Aced my logic exam
    -Got accepted to a research course back at my home uni so confidence is pretty high
    -Not much socializing but tomorrow is my school's "borrel" (social gathering) so there's my opportunity
    Overall, mood is positive and the only thing bothering me is my exam on Friday. Also, I need to learn how to be more approachable since my awkwardness is taking over...
     
  12. Life

    Life Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    Day 10
    -Got a decent amount of studying done
    -Went to borrel, talked with a few people I knew and met some new people as well
    -There was a girl who I thought was cute but I haven't reached that level yet haha (need to have the fundamentals of socializing first)
    Overall, a decent day and a nice step forward. PMO isn't on my mind at all since there's so much going on in my life right now. The only issue is that I keep looking at League of Legends related stuff on Facebook but that's not as bad as wasting countless hours playing it I suppose.
     
  13. Life

    Life Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    Day 11
    -Got some studying done
    -Again, distracted by LoL stuff
    -Went to movie night (partially because the girl from day 4 was there)
    -Didn't make a move because I have no balls (her head was extremely close to me)
    Overall, a good academic day but not a good social day. I was planning to do some more studying but I'm kinda too depressed to do so...
    REALLY fucking hate being socially backwards and I hope that I will improve or otherwise, my life will not change for the better. I need to remember PMO is just an escape and not a solution.
     
  14. Life

    Life Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    Day 12
    -Lots of studying done
    -Socializing with friends, didn't leave comfort zone that much today
    -Found motivating article http://www.artofmanliness.com/2013/12/03/beyond-sissy-resilience-on-becoming-antifragile/
    -Took a partially cold shower (after hyperventilating, I turned it to warm)
    Overall, a good study day but not a good socializing day. Studying is the priority though since my exam is today (in 8 hours). TGIF and going to Germany Saturday so definitely can't wait.
     
  15. aloopinfiasco

    aloopinfiasco New Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    This may seem funny coming from a guy who's been on this forum months, but your posts so far inspire me a great deal man. I want to study abroad next year in Austria, overall, everything considered, how did you find the experience? Was there a huge jump in customs from America to Europe (I'm from Canada)? And how did you handle the family sickness and normal loneliness that comes with a huge change (besides PMO lol)?

    Sorry for all the questions aha. I relate to you a lot (social anxiety, not making social progress since middle school, youtube addiction, friend zone) so anything really would be of great help.

    Keep pushing your comfort zone! It's probably already bigger than it was 12 days ago, taking all those risks paid off! And no matter how many people you see relapse here over and over, realize that you have the power and ability to do this in one go and you've demonstrated that to a great extent already.
     
  16. Life

    Life Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    Hey, thanks for your reply!
    The experience has been pretty life changing and just incredible. I've met much more people than I have in college actually just in these few months and I get to learn more about other cultures and social customs. I would say that it was a lot easier to make friends in Europe since overall, everyone was very friendly and less self-centered, pretty much the opposite of people in the US (so for you, it wouldn't make much of a difference since Canada=overly friendly). For the first few weeks, there was no time to think about loneliness since I was too busy with the International Student Network introduction week (which was mainly parties everyday). Once classes kicked in, then the loneliness became more predominant and boredom is what caused me to start LoL.

    I would say that Europe is a lot better than the US in general. Everything feels a lot more humane (less automatized, more spontaneous, laid back) and people seem a lot more authentic. All the socialized systems (such as banking, transportation, etc) are well organized and I rarely encounter issues. The differences might be more subtle for you since I'm coming from a US mentality.

    Family sickness was well taken care of via Skype every single week haha although it is still existent.

    I think I developed loneliness by becoming too comfortable in my room. I'm trying to avoid being in my room at all costs, only using it to sleep, shower, etc.

    Improvements have been made, but I still have so much to improve on.

    Hope this helps!
     
  17. Life

    Life Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    Day 12
    -Step backwards again: found a way to disable K9 through email password request (issue taken care of)
    -Access to everything but good thing no PMO
    -Hours of League again, almost forgot to eat...
    -Tomorrow should be interesting and a step forward
    Overall, very unproductive/unsocial day.
     
  18. aloopinfiasco

    aloopinfiasco New Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    Wow it's great to hear it had such a positive effect on you. And I'm very happy to hear that European people are much more genuine, as Canadians are alot closer to Americans than you'd think lol. It means alot for you to share this stuff with me, cause you've lived there for several months and this isn't just a vacationer's opinion. Ofcourse, Skype haha.

    Word of advice: Look into exactly how spending time playing Lol enhances your life, it's not a complete net negative, there are obvously pros to it (increased stragetical thinking, greater confidence in logical thought processes, increased reaction time/hand eye coordination). Then look at all the cons. And weigh them. It might even give you a healthy ratio of Lol play time in your lifestyle.

    My first year roommate was a Lol addict, I've seen what it does. It's not worth it man. Also, I like him alot more when he doesn't play Lol. He's much more considerate and less manipulative. I don't know if that is of any help to you and I'm not insinuating it has the same effects on you. Just an observation haha.
     
  19. Life

    Life Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    That's the issue. LoL is a quick escape and dopamine rush so I don't even consider the consequences. I guess without PMO, I have less dopamine being produced so I find ways to satisfy the craving. Instant gratification is also another issue I'm struggling with and it's impacting my life in many negative ways. It's good that without PMO, I get to see my true self and what I can improve on instead of hiding in a false reality.
    Day 13
    -Went to Cologne, Germany with some friends for some sightseeing
    -I was awkward but did manage to make them laugh
    -Still have trouble with eye contact
    -Improved friendship with girl from Day 4 but no real step forward
    Overall, it was a fun and interesting day. Learned that I have issues keeping conversations flowing and often end them by just awkwardly looking in some other direction. Tomorrow is just going to be a lot of studying so I'm not expecting much...
     
  20. Life

    Life Member

    Re: Journey to self-improvement

    Day 14
    -Definitely improvement regarding eye contact (I count 3 seconds before looking away)
    -Went to the gym
    -Studied but didn't study hard (flatflining is zapping my motivation)
    Overall, a very lazy Sunday but I did hit the gym and improved eye contact. The days are counting down and there is still so much to be done. Today, I was too distracted by the girl from day 4 and 13 to accomplish anything...I will ask her to go to the Christmas markets with me near the center of Amsterdam before I leave. Since I've never been in a relationship, this might not be the best time to start one since I will be leaving soon but I definitely want to get closer with her. I'll use it as a stepping stone once I return to the US.
     

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