Hello Thought it'd be a good idea to keep a journal here. I'm on day 12. Where I'm coming from: 38, single, a virgin, never had a girlfriend kissed two girls in my 10s friendzoned two times, totally clueless all social connections cut due to feelings of inadequacy, hate or rejection addicted to porn since around the age of 12 two years ago, I managed to do 30 days of nofap one year ago, I managed to do 12 days of nofap most of my life, I've been fapping daily for 1 to 6 times, less so with age other addictions: I drink around 1.5 - 2 liters of beer daily. It started around when I was 22 hobbies: porn and watching tv. I don't have friends anymore. I workout 2 - 3 times a week (weight lifting) and have started to pick up running lately job: I'm doing ok career wise, although there is potential for a burnout What is my reason to start nofap? I see my life as a wasted. Looking back, I blame porn as the root cause for a lot of it. A downward spiral. Not sure though, maybe it's just rooted in the lack of parental guidance, or maybe I'm just not smart enough. I remember that when I was 16 to 23, I smoked a lot of weed, e.g. each session, I took multiple bong hits. When weed became scarce for me - due to a shrinking social circle - I picked up drinking. As far as I can remember, I've always had a gloomy outlook on life. Over the years, the desire for bonding has not gone away. In fact, it is more prevalent now. Women seem to be less available as I get older, judging from the looks I get. I'm starting nofap to see if there is anything to salvage. To summarize my journey so far, days 1-4 were very hard to resist, days 5-8 I was still very horny. Since it's summer and all the short skirts are out, I've developed a bad habit of taking pictures of some of the hotter one's legs. For me, it's especially painful this time of the year. Days 9-11, it felt like I could finally get a grip on things. But unfortunately, today I saw a skirt so sexy, I had to take pictures as I was standing right behind her. I currently feel this stronger urge to change - that's why I've started nofap again - and have been reading up on some pickup material to prepare for change. As I saw this hot lady today, I almost dug up the balls to talk to her, but it was inside a public train and I just felt like too much of a pussy. I guess I'm far from ready. The whole day she was stuck in my mind. My Johnson is weak, sensitive to the touch, but other than to look at the pictures I'd took of her, I managed to channel the sexual energy into writing this post, and I think I'm through now. I'm a drunk too, so at least it feels easier after some beers. Hoping for a flatline soon.