Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by rabbit., Nov 18, 2014.

  1. rabbit.

    rabbit. Member

    You’ve gotta be kidding me.

    This is the motto with which I want to start my new journal and profile on this site.

    Yes, I know I deleted everything and wanted to leave. But I like YBR too much, and more importantly, I've realized one thing: My life and my journey are so fucked up that they are interesting, entertaining, inspirational, thought-provoking and I shouldn’t live this just by myself. Sort of like a circus that’s in town — people have to go see it or it’s pointless.

    So I am back. And I’m back with a lay report.

    After I deleted my profile, I went on that dating site for the first time in a week or so because it was just frustrating. And I met a wonderful woman.

    Now, my guys will know what I mean by wonderful. I won’t give more details. You know, honestly, it upset me and hurt me the various times several random guys who don’t know me or my story came in here to criticize me and give me a lecture about my views on women and imposing their own (frustrating?) life choices on me without considering my goals, desires, and needs and putting me in one corner with pedophiles and rapists. I won’t hit or rape a woman. But for instance, lying to get laid or having affairs is completely fine to me. That’s all I will say about this (and none of it had to do with me deleting my profile).

    In the same vein, I've realized that reader views are also based on click-bait — you might post something in someone’s journal and stop caring or being interested after a while, yet when you go to "unread replies", the flashy orange button "new" makes you go for that dopamine and click on it. So in starting a new journal, I want to give people who read my old journal a chance to opt out, and just read this journal if they care or are interested.

    I also like fresh starts and new beginnings.

    So from the beginning.
     
  2. rabbit.

    rabbit. Member

    I go on that dating site and the first girl I talk to, I hit it off with. I was on FIRE. Every joke got through, countless times she told me she was almost crying from laughter, I managed to turn to sexual topics swiftly (thanks to wojtekoxx — I asked her for more pictures early on and after some blah blah, she sent me a pic of her tits :D, so the stage was set), make her jealous, make fun of her, etc. etc.

    I did encounter a lot of resistance before she agreed to a meeting. I believe it was just some kind of anti-slut defense because I know she’s had these meetings before. She was just insecure about her weight (oops, giving too much away). I struggled with closing the deal — I knew I had her so close, but she was always like "ohh, I am so torn :(, I am scared" blah blah. I think maybe it was due to me not being assertive enough because I wasn’t really sure how/where to set up the meeting, as I don’t like having random people in my apartment and she lived 30 minutes away and I didn’t want to go that far just for sex. I also wasn’t sure if I just wanted her to blow me in her car or whatever, so maybe this fake resistance was my fault. But eventually, she asked for my number, and I closed.

    On a tangent that I can’t think of a transition for: I am known to have a lose tongue, which sometimes gets me in trouble. In real life, I mostly get away with it because 1) I have an angel face and when I put on a smile, no one can be mad at me 2) I’ve learned how to rescue any situation. So I was fairly sure in my ability to come back from anything in a conversation, even online.

    But then this happened:

    Her: Soooo, based on my pictures, do you think I am at least worth a fuck?
    Me: a blow job definitely.
    Me: Sex, I can’t say for sure yet, but I will take a blow job from pretty much anyone.
    Her: What???

    Yeah. I don’t know what I was thinking. My point is kind of that I need to have a little bit of a connection with someone to have actual sex (yes, I went to prostitutes where there was no connection, but those were often the times I felt the worst afterwards), whereas a blow job I think I would even take by some disgusting, filthy woman (pretending STDs don’t exist). Not sure if this explanation makes anything better, but thankfully — and here thanks to wojte again for this idea — she let me off the hook because I believe at that point she was already set on meeting me and just accepted something like "oh, I didn’t mean it like that" from me. In different circumstances, I don’t know if I could have recovered from that.

    The actual meeting…I was a bit nervous during the night, but not so much. We met in some park close to my place. Alright…Initially, I had some problems getting the conversation started again after the day before online, mostly because I was just not into her like at all, but I managed and it was good.

    So in my apartment…she gives me a blow job, it was alright, but — and I fucking, fucking, fucking hate to say this — again it didn’t come close to the blow jobs my ex-girlfriend gave me.

    But then, the same thing as always happened, and I don’t even know why I am still surprised by this. I didn't feel good and I just wanted her to leave as soon as possible and dreaded that she might want to have sex. But I didn’t want to just kick her out (see how nice I am!).

    She noticed that something was up, so she asked me to say something, and well, I am still kind of surprised by this, but I just told her that I don’t feel good after these kinds of meetings, and I told her about my prostitute use and everything. Was ok.

    Thankfully, she was cold and put on some of her clothes, so I could go to the bathroom and then also get dressed.

    Nice guy that I am I asked if I should walk her back to her car. We talked and it was ok. (still mostly about my sexual goals/"feelings" etc.).

    Though, the bad beat of the day: I asked her how old she’d say I was — and she said 32!!!!!!!

    This is the first time ever someone guessed I was older. Shit, am I getting old? Usually people think I am like 18-20 or something.

    I’m still shocked by this. But I believe she might have confused my antics / mature behavior (yes!) for my looks and like thought I acted like I was older. And she wasn't exactly smart to begin with.

    And she gave me a lecture on how wanting to fuck 17-year old is stupid. Haha, this shit is so funny because it is ALWAYS older people who do that to me. But I digress into forbidden territory.

    So, then another interesting part. You know I am always in a conflict between nice guy/asshole, so I asked her how she would describe me. And I am still confused by her answer.

    She said: well, you’re definitely not a bad boy / asshole, you are really nice.
    Me: .....
    Her: Yeah, your character is just nice (!), you are likable and friendly, and it’s actually possible to have a conversation with you
    Me: fuck, I don’t want to be a pussy!
    Her: you are not a pussy!

    Seriously, one problem in my self-image / goal as to what kind of man I want to become is that I only see two options: nice guy/pussy and bad body/asshole/alpha.

    I mean, I know this spiel about "well you can be nice and respectful and still stand your ground" blah blah, but I’ve always thought it was some nice guy excuse bullshit. I don’t know. When I told her to take off her bra when asked me if she could leave it on, she did. Not sure what side that is an argument for, but whatever, I thought it'd fit :D.

    I guess if I really wanted to, I could hit her up again and sort of have a 2-3/10 fuck buddy.

    But I don’t know. I want more. I want real dating, not this online crap that is not that much better than going to a prostitute — even though I do feel kind of good because I feel like I actually did something and not just paid for a hooker, but like „seduced“ her.

    I want a girlfriend that I am attracted to physically, and even though I hate to say this, big tits don’t make an attractive woman for me. I need some spark, I need to feel the attraction, not think it with my mind. I don’t want to fuck just any woman. I want to feel comfortable touching her pussy — which oddly enough is very, very intimate for me. I’ve never touched a prostitute’s vagina, with neither my hands or mouth, only my ex girlfriend’s. Same with kissing — I was really glad that I managed to avoid having to kiss this woman today. This should be the litmus test — do I want to kiss her and touch her pussy? If yes, go for it and make her my girlfriend; if not, don’t waste your time with emotionless, robotic fucking.

    Alas, the old problem persists: I am not sure where to actually meet a girl and get my foot in the door.

    But it’s clear as fuck that I have what it takes. I had no social anxiety, no embarrassment, was confident, basically talked all the time, was able to make fun of her in real life too. And my dick worked too :D.

    It’s time to do.


    So the TL;DR is:

    little rabbit no more
    got laid without having to pay
    I’m officially 32 years old and a nice guy but not a pussy. — Mind fuck.
     
  3. That's a great experience man. I'm happy for you! Keep it up
     
  4. wojtekoxx

    wojtekoxx One-armed bandit

    I almost forgot those times. Damn, girls can really sens if you are "taken" and have a gf and react accordingly (better!). It's either you have 3gfs or 0 in my book. Too bad now in my country photos of a girl you can have sex with can get you into trouble. Hope not many people know what (it was changed in May).

    Lol, I could imagine myself as a girl walking away from that. Hold your tongue dammit! Some people, like NF people (check that at mypersonality.info) are too damn honest, otherwise they would rock!
    I blew so many things when I was younger. Like saying girl I was perfectly attached to that she seems more like a friend than a love (I expected love as pictured in the movies). Actually, true love is BEING A FRIEND WITH HER and being attracted sexually at the same time!

    I think you should not forget about that girl. Having one constant supply of pussy makes it easier to get another girlfriend. Funny thing is... I am the most romantic guy ever, yet after sex I want the girl to GTFO almost always. Only some of them were not the gtfo material. It's just like I like girl to be in my house from 18 to 09 , then I hate to see her in the day... I still don't know what to do with that. In the daytime I actually played computer games while the girl was listening to music. Only 14+ streaks of NoFap could make me want to spend all day with a girl :D
    Funny thing (when I see other guys with similiar attitude). If you are actually working inside (like fixing a sink or doing some freelance work - my sister BF is carving some wooden fish and painting them for sell) or taking your work to the home (friend is a computer programmer - on the other side his gf is into graphics and bit of a geek too - GOLDEN), girls wont mind. But if you just play computer games, there will be trouble!

    BTW why do you post in this section if you are 32? I too post in the younger section, because I feel immature on some aspects, and elderly on other.. ;)
     
  5. wojtekoxx

    wojtekoxx One-armed bandit

    My looks are quite oldish, but when I chat with girls (unless I'm pissed) they all think I'm 18-19 personality wise. I use "xD" and emotes a lot. Unfortunately lately I got "prejudiced" and I seek things to disqualify her. Like she says she likes sex and I'm instantly reluctant to write anything more. I can only handle this when I'm drunk or long no-fap streak.
    Anyways I get your drift. Damn I'll have my sleeping time in half an hour and its only 17:25 here. Mind is not working ;)
     
  6. wojtekoxx

    wojtekoxx One-armed bandit

    If you could be 100 kgs with 15% body fat, then I suspect you are two meters high and should have no problems dating
    Otherwise I think that your measurements are off ;P
     
  7. Why don't you just go out and have sex with this girl on a regular basis whenever you feel the urge to masturbate?
    Then, when you're there, you basically said that you're not really that interested in having sex with her so the sexual energy you have will naturally dissipate. Maybe it can be a short-term solution if you can't stop yourself from masturbating. It's win-win actually because there's no way you'll come out weaker after that encounter.
     
  8. wojtekoxx

    wojtekoxx One-armed bandit

    You wouldn't want her, boulder
     
  9. It might be helpful for rabbit because his willpower to stop masturbating is really low for the past week as he said in his entry.
    However, why would you think it will be a bad idea for him? Maybe there's something you see that I don't. :)
     
  10. wojtekoxx

    wojtekoxx One-armed bandit

    For humour
    I think both we and desert fox want to find a 6, then trade up at first possibility
    For example I have some 6.5 ready for me, but as long as she first wants commitment, then sex (she is young mum) she is 0 to me
    [​IMG]

    sorry for spam, I can delete this at request xD
     
  11. wojtekoxx

    wojtekoxx One-armed bandit

    Yup we got probably fucked up, neurotic personality. I really advise you to read about MBTI, it really got me thinking why I can't talk with some girls at all (80% are no no unless drunk or really horny). Funny fact, one type (INFP) that is as rare as 1.5 per 100 women, is what 4 of my long time girlfriends were :eek:

    AS for the big tits, they look really great when they are in clothes, with cut neck (forgot the word), but once they are naked, it's not the same anymore...
     
  12. wojtekoxx

    wojtekoxx One-armed bandit

    Actually for years I dreamed of diagnosis of some horrible illness. Why? Because:
    1. I would finally know what is causing my problems and could treat it
    2. Being sick without knowing what it is sucks
    3. Friends and family would finally stop shitting on me and would give me some credit
    4. Hypochondriac or "lazy asshole" no more

    First thing is that when you compare yourself to - for example - type of people that 40% of population consists, you are compared on their terms only and it sucks. You can begin to feel worthless. For example, let's say you are an Asian imported into Black family. You suck at basketball, you can't rap, you can't dance - you are worthless person in your (and their) opinion because you don't know other stats of comparison. Then you meet some Asian folks and now you are given credit for your math ability, hard work and knowledge of Kung-Fu. Suddenly you don't feel worthless. Stupid example but proves my point.
    Getting to know your type will finally make you "proud of your race", continuing this example
    BTW, two most popular archetypes both make up 80% of the population, so the rest 20% is often being an object of witch hunt of some magnitude

    And here comes the best part - reading characteristics of all types finally gave me understanding why most girlfriend material SUCKS to me, and it has nothing to do with their iq, because I've met Mensa level girl who was absolutely wrong material. I used to give those tests to all girls that wrote to me for more than a few days, and basically stopped being interested if the type was wrong in my eyes (or at least stopped hoping for relationship with that person, and wanting only her body from now on). It saved me loads of conflicts and loads of time. Also, types are quite coherent, so if someone shows some characteristics from this type, you can betcha they have other ones, too! It can create an instantenous rapport.

    Damn, all this journalling and dieting made me completely don't care about NoFap. But still I'm happiest I've been this year!
    I'll post short descriptions of those types in my journal, because why not
     
  13. rabbit.

    rabbit. Member

    I did the test a few years ago, I still have the results somewhere (can't access the website atm). I THINK I used to be a more definite INTJ, but I don't remember.

    Now I am between INTJ and INTP:

    But really, only a strong preference for introvert, the other two are moderate, and the last one marginal.

    I'm not sure what to think of that assessment and their explanation of my time. I think, if anything, I'm a well-adjusted (some on here might disagree ;D) INTJ/INTP. I understand social rituals much more than some nerd/geek, but I usually just don't care for them.

    I remember one time in middle school, my class collected some money to buy a farewell gift for some teacher who was about to retire. I didn't give anything because I hated him and everyone got mad at me ;D. It's not that I don't understand this superficial fake bullshit, I just don't agree with it. Or lots of other things -- haha, memories, I was the only guy in my graduating year in HS who didn't attend "prom" (not even worth calling it that, completely incomparable to prom in the US in every way)...because I hated my school, the people, the teacher and everything it resembled. So I actually went to the school's dean to get my diploma a few days before everyone else (they got it on prom "night", which I think is ridiculous), so I wouldn't have to show up ;D. So yeah, I understand the rituals, but if I think they're stupid, I won't participate in them. Like um, MARRIAGE? But I guess all of this is what the INTJ/INTP type is about as well.

    I don't know, I'm rambling again.

    Sooooooo now the real question is what to do about this now? Become more E? accept being INTJ/P? No idea. I'll have to read more about all this stuff, I still don't know what it's good for to be honest.
     
  14. wojtekoxx

    wojtekoxx One-armed bandit

    NT in general has dating difficulties xD but are good workers
    The problem is, you can't become more E xD
    the only times where I've become more E(xtraverted) (my type is the most introverted of all extraverted types)
    1. someone mentions fascinating subject - like I can't gossip for shit, but let someone mention psychology and I'm all in. But gossip and psychology are basically the same ona a different level!
    2. girl is intelligent - combination of looks and being at least 3/4 as smart as me is a killer for me - I can talk and talk
    3. First no fap attempts ever - not only I was loud and talkative, I was actually enjoying small talk o_O
    4. C2H5OH

    Maybe read about "INTP in relationships", to whatever extent it will help. I knew you are something of an N since I've read this journal for first time. I have already accepted long ago, that S people (80% population) , are basically dead to me
    Yep, I see you've been antisocial not for antisocial's sake, but because of stupidity of some commons

    Introversion kinda sucks nowadays, because it's like I'm supposed to enjoy social setting, and really I enjoy it, but for two hours, not for 5. Or, like, on a party, I hate loud talks, so I just take anyone interesting to the corner and talk here 1v1
    Or this thinking before speaking part - it's horrible xD because sometimes before I say something or a question I already answer it in my head . Like thinking 3x faster than speaking. Of course it's not that often, and it CAN be connected to masturbation.Horniness helps with some of that

    We areee mentally masturbating ATM . FAp fap fap
     
  15. wojtekoxx

    wojtekoxx One-armed bandit

    yep, you are strange, so you attract strange creatures. On the good side: you seem to have attracted a bad side of strangeness. Wait till you encounter positive craziness - you'll fall in love
     
  16. wojtekoxx

    wojtekoxx One-armed bandit

    Sometimes I think that all those "average" guys with their girls, just are their hidden slaves in some way. My 25 y.o. sister is nagging his boyfriend of 5 years a lot, and he is basically ignoring her and scultping for some fishes for sale. Duh, on the other side my sister is as "cold" as me.

    Contemporary Polish philosopher wrote in one of his books something that has profoundly changed my opinion. Basically, he said that every person (except maybe some kids of stupidly rich parents) regret that they wasted their young years. Those who partied regret they didnt learn, those who learned regret they didn't work, those who did work, regret they didn't party that much. Everyone is pissed.

    When it comes to clubbing. I was like, very ambitious person, in a way that... unless I was in the spotlight or some kind of centre of attention, I hated wasting time. If I have to drink, drink, drink, then search for my buddies who got drunk, they lose them and go with some other dudes, then say we love each other, then fall down and sleep for 30 minutes on some bush, then call it a day - it was kinda fun, but it was nonsense when you think about it and too much money spent.
    Actually I always found "fun" in those parties but it was hell of difficulty to talk me into this. And I always wanted to "go home" halway through, to play video games or something like that. I guess that's how you define fucked up person

    Maybe it's an anhedonia? Peopl are supposed to have more fun in those places, more fun talking to other people etc

    I think majority of posters in this whole forum would be good patients of psychiatric wards. But on the other hand, psychiatry is full of lies, there was even this well known psychiatrist Szasz, who was criticizing the shit out of psychiatry and its lies and its making up of ilnesses.

    Maybe it's the same with girls, ya know, there is this dread of chatting with them, so you think that the actual date will be boring, but when you are on the place you actually have fun, and are afraid of this, and want to escape to your house from this unknown, new situation

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    ever lurked on 4chan and similiar ones?

    btw, when it comes to my sister, she is stupid in some ways, but she still shares my intelligence, my genes, and sometimes has genius remarks about some topics, while not being spoiled by "living in one's head". so basically she says things like this about her friends and neighbours
    - girls who were very popular in high school call her and basically seems very lonely, all that happened they by chance live in wrong city
    -when people go to uni, all is fine and dandy for the first two years, then you basically can't get new friends because everyone is depressed and "feels old" and has "too much troubles"
    -(to me) well when you look at facebook at all those pairs you may see they are happy, but its bullshit, people after 22-23 y.o. are not that happy anymore and it is just a facade for others, relationships are cold, some peopl divorce at such a young age, I don't know "my name" why you think that relationship will make you happy (i disagree with this on some aspects)

    fun thing about my personality type
    according to statistics, number 1 rated on "satisfied with partner" :D
     
  17. rabbit.

    rabbit. Member

    I really don't know. At this point, I'm not even on the meta level of thinking about my life anymore, I'm on a meta meta level.

    I don't know what my problem is in general. I feel like after all these years of introspection and analysis, I still haven't come to the core, to the deepest layers. There is still resistance to reaching the truth.

    It may be fear, yes. But I don't think it's fear of failure, more fear of success.

    I'm scared whenever I find out that I could do more than I ever thought. Things like finding out recently that I can actually go on a diet and reshape my body. That realization alone has completely swept me off my feet. I was doing a diet that is said to be extremely hard, yet I pulled it off at 95% compliance for 3 weeks. Somehow, all these years of thinking "I have no willpower, I am depressed, I never get done what I decide to do" are out of the window, and it is scaring the hell out of me.

    Getting that blow job date, getting that second number, even if it's just online, it is scaring me that I can actually get some girls.

    You know, sometimes when I write "hi" to some girls, I WANT them to ignore me and not respond. I'm scared to actually get a response.

    Maybe this is the idea that I read somewhere, maybe on here, that a person / the brain always strives for stability, even if that stability is shitty. Like staying in a bad relationship, at least you know what to expect, so people go out of their way to keep that status quo.

    Maybe in my case, the status quo is:

    1. you're wanting it, but you can't get it in reality

    Huge potential as a child and teenager, lots of goals, lots of plans, lots of ambitions...and at 26 years of age, I'm a fuck up. And that status needs to be maintained by all means, so I have that pattern of starting things and burning out/not finishing and wondering what happened.

    2. you are a scam artist -- people can never find out about your true self, true identity, true thoughts. in reality, you are one broken motherfucker.

    I guess, add also the whole nice guy bullshit. I'm not a nice guy, never was. Even though I did some stupid pussy things in my first relationship, I also did a lot of ... well some might say asshole things, but I consider them cool things...e.g. I made a list of sexual things I wanted to experience, and I got every one of them...and yet I considered myself a nice guy pussy back then? Nice guys get a facial for the first time (for them and for the girl)? I don't think so. Nice guys get a girl to absolutely adore them and write them 100 messages a day, even if just for a few weeks? I don't think so.

    I believe at the end of the day, the bottom line is that my self-image is completely out of date, completely not based in reality and destructive and hurting me.

    I mean, people are stupid yes and you shouldn't rely on their judgment. But I do believe in the following saying:

    If one person says you're a horse, ignore them.
    If three people say you're a horse, maybe look in the mirror to check.
    If ten people say you're a horse, it's time to gallop outside on the ranch.

    Also:

    F E A R -- false evidence appearing real.

    In my case: positive evidence completely disregarded. which as an acronym spells: P U S S Y


    Damn. YBR is like therapy for me. I think I am getting somewhere with all of this. At least I hope so, or at least some people can get a laugh out of it ;D.

    Another thing: I've been reading this log by this absolutely fucked up motherfucker who is on all sorts of steroids, painkillers and drugs and fucks all these "slags" (my new favorite word I learned from him) and has manic-depressive episodes all the time. It's really funny and just messed up, but it did get me thinking (in many ways, but this is just one): he is fucked up and he accepts it. Absolute mindfuck. For years, I have considered myself broken (beyond repair at times) and thought I needed to get to a place of well...perfection? being healed? not being broken...something like that. But maybe all of that was absolute bullshit? Why do I need to become perfectly emotionally balanced? I mean, if I have a depressive episode occasionally, let's say 2-3 times during autumn and winter...SO WHAT? Right? Accept it, why do you need to be "normal"? Fuck normal right?

    Fuck me, I think I am bipolar and in a manic phase right now. Or it's my diet, as I'm doing intermittent fasting now.

    Well, roll with the punches I guess. In a pretty good mood right now!
     
  18. wojtekoxx

    wojtekoxx One-armed bandit

    bi polar or bpd (more the second things) often are measured by many many many started projects
    I for example have started to write a book. I spent a hour writing. Not thinking what to write - I actually I was typing for the whole fucking 60 minutes, +- 10. And it was quite a brilliant read.
    Now I don't know if you can relate, maybe you have this in more drawn out pattern . When it is day it's shit. But at night I sometimes have this thinking like, wow, I will start this regime, I will diet, its fucking easy, I will land a job there and there and get that money. Extremely motivated and optimistic. And in the morning it's gone

    "yeah, let them prove to me that tehy are stuck up ignorant dumb and uninterested in me bitches, so I can feel about my reward in heaven" :D
    comparing oneself to others the wrong way can create a lie about our own personality. It's like you think you have no friends, and think that for hours, untill you, actually, you know, check your fucking phone numbers list. "oh but it doesn't count" etc ;D
     
  19. rabbit.

    rabbit. Member

    lol, I don't understand. Sculpting for some fishes for sale? I can sort of see the "hidden slaves" thing. That's what has ALWAYS turned me off about relationships. This whole "oh, wait, let me check with Sarah if I can come with you" -- FUCK THAT. I especially love this about married guys with children -- every single one of them complains that they have no time to work out or focus on their hobbies and shit. I always smile at this. But the ability of humans to rationalize is limitless ;D.

    This is interesting and it is probably true, but how does it help? It doesn't make me feel better that everyone is upset about their youth. And things like not learning enough or so, you can still change that. But fucking virgins when you're their age? I guess I have a limiting belief here, but I just can't see myself actually pull it off (F.E.A.R. again??? :mad:).

    Maybe this is the NT part...I was always way too much in my head during parties, always analyzing everything, observing everything. I couldn't (and still often can't) just take it for what it is and get shitfaced without analyzing everything. This is what I envy about girls/sluts. I want that ability. To just fuck, discard, not think, not analyze, just do it, get her done, and think about something else afterwards.

    Yes, like me ;D. Though in order to help me, I would need to have a very fucking smart psychiatrist/therapist -- someone who has a lot of emotional intelligence (because I am a delicate flower at times ;D) and is just plain intellectually above me like 10 levels. But that would be what, like 1% of all therapists out there?


    Absolutely. This has held me back for a long time. I just can't see myself enjoying having to go on 3, 4, even 5 dates before I can fuck her. Just can't. And some of this was confirmed in some chats, I mentioned it on here -- the girls online are SO fucking stupid and boring. Like I was literally in pain about how stupid they are.

    But perhaps I need to change my mindset. You mentioned it before, that you used to have that erroneous / naive belief that girls were like men, had a personality or hobbies or something interesting to say. I've been really surprised that my social skills are better than any girl I've met online. Maybe I was dumb, but I expected girls to be like chatty and communicative, but they don't.

    Maybe I need to be more focused on my goal and just accept that I have to talk to them and sit through their bullshit for a bit -- and I guess the more boring and stupid they are, the better I will feel after not having to talk to them ever again.

    Only a bit, but that was when I was already interested in no porn and there's too much porn on there.


    I agree with some of that. Pretty cold and cynical, I like your sister (pic/number? ;D).

    Personally, I'm way beyond believing that a relationship will make me happy or even better of overall. I just want to have that problem solved, you know? It would be great to not have to think about where I can get my next lay from, and just focus on my life. I'm thinking of dating and relationships and love more and more as a game. I want to play it, play with girls, just not take it as seriously as I have before, being honest and truthful and silly things like that.

    But in the grand scheme of things, a relationship wouldn't change anything about me or my life, except make me feel better for having sex and not being sexually frustrated/occupied by sexual thoughts. And it might make me worse off in other aspects, loss of precious time mostly "talking" about our future and shit like that.

    Damn too much writing today.
     
  20. wojtekoxx

    wojtekoxx One-armed bandit

    funny observation... introverts (and maybe some intuitives) tend to be "boring" IRL (they almost don't talk), while extraverts (at least female) tend to be boring in the internet. Like, extravert is supposed to talk faster than he/she thinks. Or, more like - he only thinks aloud. As writing takes thinking NOT ALOUD, they have problems with that. Have you ever seen any movie that girls are chatting online? They fucking read it aloud while typing, even if its so big font it hurts (it's always a big font, 18 in MS Word is a minimum). So, that may be the problem. Thats why USED to talk and write much much more than the girl. Even the extraverted ones tend to be "silent" at the beginning of a date, unless I hug them or something and they open up. Maybe they have a radar, maybe they "feel" we are not communicating on the same level? It's like you see bleached bitch, you KNOW she is stupid, that way if she sees anything other than "sup baby" she is scared because it is something unknown to her, like it was an exam of sorts. Try to take phone number and call asap
    tl;dr as I can imagine having a lot of problems when talking and talking and talking, girls may experience all those same problems writing. We are wired differently
     

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