Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Kushtaka, Aug 27, 2021.

  1. Kushtaka

    Kushtaka New Member

    I just found and joined this forum. It's something that I should have done a long time ago. I've struggled with porn since I was 15.

    The first time I found porn on the internet, I felt a huge weight on my heart and I knew that it was something that I would have to fight for the rest of my life. I remember laying on the floor in my room crying because of that realization. I actually have visual proof of how low I was that day, because later I went to get my passport picture taken and I looked so miserable. I still have that picture in a box of my old stuff.

    I'm now 33, and I kept telling myself that I needed to quit looking at porn by such and such age or such and such life event. Those deadlines all passed by and I still struggle with it.

    I've been married for 10 years and my wife is aware of my issue; although, I don't tell her when I mess up, because it just puts too much pressure on her. I've always known that I should have an accountability partner, but I am only close friends with one other person (most of my college friends have drifted away and I've found it hard to become close enough with new friends to ask them for help with this), and he would probably make it harder to stop rather than the other way around. So I'm trying to stomp out the addiction on my own and very unsuccessfully.

    I've decided to keep a journal on here and that I have to add to it when I mess up. I want to know that someone will see and I hope that knowledge will help prevent me from watching porn while I reset.

    Hopefully, I haven't misconstrued the purpose of this website. I didn't see any sort of guide to how to post here. Please let me know if I need to change my post in any way.
     
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  2. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    I see you, my friend.

    It would be anything but fair on my behalf not o tell you that while not easy, this thing can be escaped. From personal experience.

    Feel free to come more often than when you mess up. Read other journals, contribute.

    All the best, you've got this if you really want it!
     

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