Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by BB82, Nov 16, 2018.

  1. BB82

    BB82 New Member

    I'm 36 years old and started viewing P around the age of 12. It has dominated my life for the last 24 years. I tried the no PMO challenge a couple of years back but couldn't really get anything going to speak of. So I fell back into old habits and of course nothing in my life has improved. I have not had to deal with PIED but it has pretty much crippled me socially and have also spent many years dealing with anxiety and depression. I don't want to see my life this way anymore so I have to take a stand for myself, I have to fight for me. My last use of P was yesterday and I started my counter at 12:00 AM November 15, 2018. I know that I've got some tough times ahead and I don't know what the future holds but life without P has to be better than this. I'm not about to claim that I'm gonna do this or that or make this many days; I'm just going to take it one day at a time and face each urge, craving, or fantasy as they come along. So here I go...again, I'm going to do my best to make sure these first steps carry me down a new road far far away from the old road.

    Day 1:
    I woke up this morning still aroused from the binge the night before. I was laying in bed and not doing anything and it was becoming increasingly worse so I finally forced myself up and got busy getting ready. I was eight hours in and fighting urges already which was not very encouraging. However, after my shower I felt much better because I did not cave and finished getting ready for the day then went to work. Work was good as I was able to keep myself busy and for today at least, my mind off of P. I've never flat lined before so I don't have any clue when it will hit but I sure want to get that far. I understand it can be unpleasant but that's also how you know your brain is getting its baseline back. Feeling good at the moment, will grab a cup of tea before bed and will try to fall fast asleep. Will take away from today that when I wake up in the morning I need to be out of bed and getting ready so I'm not tempted to do anything I shouldn't.
     
    Gilgamesh and mikehunt like this.
  2. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    How were your first days?
     

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