Day 20: It was a stressful day. I binged on junk food, but at least I didn't relapse, even though I wanted to. Energy level was quite high.
Maybe, but, I don't want another way to cope. I want to win. Day 22: The experiment of skipping a day, not great. Almost relapsed yesterday. Also contemplated relapsing today and the day before yesterday. Agitated emotions. I need to be more full-hearted about this. Half-assing it isn't going to work because there is no pride that comes from a half-assed job and without pride there is no dopamine and without dopamine the mind seeks other avenues (porn, food, videogames) But I should feel good about going three weeks. I'll finish the month strong.
Thanks everyone. I'll give it my best. Day 23: There are some areas that I want to work on, such as sleep quality, healthy eating, exercise, and meditation. I've done a lot of work on my exercise routine (which was nonexistent before this streak) but I will step it up another level. I have done a pretty good job today.
Day 24: End of the month is in sight. I'm feeling a strong sense of gratitude right now. For all the grief I've given myself, it is almost a miracle that I've come this far. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I believe in myself. I just need to keep going.
Thanks, CleanBoots Day 25: Today didn't go as planned, but it was still a good day. I'll write up some goals for tomorrow and will try to follow through.
Intersting post. I think it can be hugely helpful to analyse for ourselves where these things come from. Once you put it into words it's like another register of your brain can start to process it for the first time, rather than leaving it in the hands of your subconscious/hindbrain or whatever. Anyways all the best for 30 days, it's around the corner.
Thanks Rudolf. Agreed. Day 27: I was going to chastise myself for barely hanging on these past couple days, but maybe I should appreciate the fact that I've managed to hold on. I feel weary. I feel like I'm forcing myself forward instead of wanting to go forward. My inner voice tells me "One more time. Just relapse one more time so you can feel refreshed and ready for a 90 day streak.". But realistically I think I just miss watching porn and this is my mind trying to rationalize that desire. I want to say no, and I have been saying no, but, I need more enthusiasm than this if I'm to go 90 days. Will power alone isn't enough.
I'm not enthusiastic, either, some days. But those pass, invariably, and on another one I rediscover motivation and the joy of life itself. Nothing wrong with forcing ourselves to do the right thing. It's something I deeply respect, because that is when one's resolve is being tested. The most important aspect is to continue making good choices, regardless of how it makes us feel. Nothing else matters, really. I felt tempted to look at a familiar actress a few nights in a row. But then I thought about how it would feel to throw everything away. It was not worth it. I am "greedy" to pile clean days one on the top of the other because they lead to a better version of myself (the original one), that I really like. That little voice always lies. It has let me down too many times. It (my thought) goes like this: the same horniness I feel today, if not even a bigger one, I will feel a few days later. Or maybe next month. It always comes back.
@mikehunt I like that you have found the origin of all of this for you. Use that new knowledge then. Go talk to your parents. Talk to each one separately then together. You need to fix this as soon as possible. Talk is a wonder that is usually underestimated
Gotcha. Well, honestly, I don't know how someone can do it without will power. In my particular case, and that's anecdotal evidence, it has worked in the past to the point where I was virtually cured of this. I just don't look at this as "it's a struggle". Sometimes will power manifests as passivity. It's hard to explain, it probably goes like this: keeping one's muscles tensed all the time and running out of gas, vs using technique and being more relaxed. This means that when I have REAL battles I have more pent up energy. And the smarts to run away from confrontations most often. I just don't dwell on it, I don't dream with my eyes open. And no playing with fire either.
Day 30: Stressed out again, but it's nothing to do with any of this, it's entirely work-related. Too much bullshit to deal with. It's affecting the pride and satisfaction that I should be feeling for going 30 days. I'll try listening to music and going for a walk. Tomorrow begins Part II of this epic trilogy.
Thanks, CleanBoots Day 31: Overall very good. Practiced a positive mindset, kept myself busy, got some exercise and a good amount of sleep. I just need to work on eating healthier and maybe integrating some self-improvement techniques into my routine (meditation, positive affirmations).
Day 34: Skipped two days so that should put me at 34. The days I skipped were pretty good, not much to say. Today has had an "off" feeling, like I'm not completely awake. Brainfog I guess. I'll see how it goes tomorrow.
