Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by mikehunt, Oct 20, 2018.
I think this is a key point. Porn seems to be all about voyeurism (at least for me). For this reason it is completely removed from what normal sex is. What I mean to say is that it pushes us even further from having normal sex lives.
Do you feel you need to defeat the fetish, or could it just be a healthy part of your sexuality?
This is great. It is amazing how much of a mental game addiction is. As you did, we have to be careful with which thoughts we allow to roam around in our heads.
I'm adding 'without sexual fantasy' to reboot requirements, as that's a root problem. Edged to fantasy most of (last) weekend, with the official PMO relapse on day 8.
I can attest to the slight edge being good. What kinds of things have you figured out? I love your positive attitude in the last post. No matter what we have done in the past (before this moment) we can always commit and say goodbye to porn forever.
At or after a certain point people no longer care how hard you are "trying".
Hell is meeting the man you could have been.
Man the fuck up.
If youre not cool with other dudes putting their dicks in your woman say so. She'll either respect you and stay loyal or not and youll know in your gut so dump the cunt.
Let me put it this way...when you think of a "man" who or what do you think of?
Ive kept women around i had no right keeping at all. Many of them. Im not a provider. Im not self sufficient. In fact i can be a bit pathetic by times. If it werent for my looks id be up shit creek. Sometimes it feels like i am anyway.
Women want to be with a man that makes them feel safe. Makes them feel beautiful. Give her the good feels. Lay the pipe youll be fine.
And stop fucking up.
Damn man I'm struggling with a lot of these same thoughts you're describing on here. Hell, dealing with the unwanted images coming back and part of us starting to fantasize on them is no easy task and quite confusing. Well done on all the self analysis. I have to agree with you on how much more at peace an evening where one disconnects from the screens and online world, and simply meditates is so much more fulfilling. It's hard to find the line between being disciplined yet compassionate (good) to oneself. Maybe maybe the mindless surfing, the lack of sleep caused more inner turmoil the next day ? But you moved passed it so congrats.
Thanks man, you just made me realize that I'm doing the exact same thing for the last few weeks. I think it's hard to develop a positive habit if you don't act out of conviction. Maybe that's why I am on and off with meditation for years now. It's the attitude behind it.
Thanks for this valuable reminder. And well done on being two weeks free.
Trying this again
Some progress is better than none.
Today was a great day, despite not getting much sleep last night. Was able to turn it around. Even with a bad start, you can still make the best of it.
Celebrating small victories has been a good source of motivation. Seems to build on itself, with each new victory leading to the next one. Satisfying.
Also practiced meditation today. The room was so loud that it was difficult to connect with my breathing, but I suppose that's something you overcome with practice. Helps a lot with feeling calm in an otherwise stimulating environment.
Also wrote down some positive affirmations, which was another small victory. I should read them off every morning, or every night. Maybe both. I've heard it works best if you record yourself saying them, and then play the recording at night when you're sleeping. I used to listen to subliminal/sleep-hypnosis recordings, and it did seem to help. Something to look into.
I like the positive mindset in your last post and hoping you'll find more of the same. Funny enough, I also had a good day this week after sleeping about 2 hours.
Regarding the above passage I can relate a lot. I realized lately that I seem to do much better in a social environment that is calm and quiet while I tend to become pretty agitated and fearful in loud and high energy environments. As a solution, I also have been trying to focus on learning to calm myself down consciously in such moments by mindful breathing. I think it's definitely something that we can get better at by practicing and it's a useful skill to hone!
Thank you, longwayhome
Need to hit the breaks on this relapse. Exhausted. Going to bed early for the next few nights, to recover my energy.
The primary trigger is basically OCD. And mindfulness meditation works for that. Cognitive behavioral therapy.
I understand the problem and the solution. Just apply action now.
I think I also suffer from some ocd. What do you do to combat it?
The combat of non-combat. Instead of trying to fight it or bargain with it (which ultimately feeds it), you look at the trigger non-judgmentally and let it go away on its own.
Not much to say. Had an interesting dream last night but it doesn't seem relevant.
I'm going back to the basics. The 'no-fantasy' rule was too much pressure and probably contributed to the last few relapses, so I'm removing it. While there might be value in the struggle, I don't think my confidence can survive another relapse.
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