Had first session today with counsellor. I got a really good vibe from him and it felt good to talk about some things. He works a lot with the inner-critic and developing compassion. He, partly jokingly, called me 'counter-phobic'! Feeling afraid of almost everyone and everything, I regularly overwhelm myself by throwing myself in the deep end and expecting too much. This flooding technique, while effective for some, generally doesn't work with social anxiety, or at least, not until the inner-critic has been silenced because it always reflects negatively afterwards, no matter what the accomplishment. Going paintballing tomorrow with friend and a bunch of strangers, so quite a challenge. I've never gone paintballing before as I basically stopped doing all competitive group sports when I was young and kids told me I was the worst tackler ever in football. So should be a challenge. I'm scared I'll be the one who accidentally shoots some poor sod in the eye or something. Have also booked 2 holidays, France and Greece... yes, I couldn't resist and we are meeting up again over my birthday I know it won't help with getting her out of my system in the long run, but what the hell, I can't wait and we both agreed. Made a bucket list with a friend who also has social anxiety which has held them back from doing things they wanted. It was such fun to do and we realised we had similar things on our lists so can hopefully accompany and support each other provided we get our act together and make plans to do these things. Classic ones came up like skydiving and swimming with dolphins, but also living on a working ranch somewhere, learning to ride a horse.