Journal - starting at day 106 of no PMO - Zander

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Zander, Dec 13, 2016.

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  1. Zander

    Zander Member

    @1234dyl

    Thanks man. Buddhism and mindfulness have played a major major part. Meditation is the balls.

    Best of luck to you!
     
  2. Zander

    Zander Member

    4 months

    Entered a flatline today. Sucks but I know it will end at some point and I will return to boner town.

    Good luck all!
     
    1234dyl likes this.
  3. Zander

    Zander Member

    out of the flatline baby! Went out last night and built up the courage to hit on a couple chicks. Next step is to move to Chicago and get my own place so I can really grab life by the balls and become a full time man instead of some insecure sis that PMO unfortunately made me for decent amount of my life. No regrets, just have to focus on the present moment like thich nhat hanh so poetically tells me.
     
    1234dyl likes this.
  4. Zander

    Zander Member

    Still back and forth. Bad today today but had about 5 good ones before it. Boners are easier to come by, but not on days like today. I'm excited to see what the future has in store for me. I can't wait to be totally rid of these mood/libido swings.
     
    1234dyl likes this.
  5. Zander

    Zander Member

    Day 126 for anyone who is curious.
     
    Brit_91_kd and 1234dyl like this.
  6. Zander

    Zander Member

    In a flatline I’ve decided. Hopefully this is the last one! Very excited for moods to completely stabilize
     
  7. Zander

    Zander Member

    Flatline still. Just need to continue to ride it out.
     
    1234dyl likes this.
  8. Zander

    Zander Member

    Flatline over. Good times to come. MW every day this week, though it still goes down soon after I stand up. I don't really care though, the % of improvement is getting narrower, which is more than fine with me.
     
    L_T_D313, 1234dyl and Brit_91_kd like this.
  9. L_T_D313

    L_T_D313 Member

    I had a question after reading your entire journal, what were the symptoms you were experiencing aside from depression? Like did you have problems maintaining an erection or just getting one in general? I ask because I'm almost 60 days in and wanna know if the problem sustaining without stimulation shall subside.
     
  10. Zander

    Zander Member

    @L_T_D313

    When it comes to girls, I always had a lingering issue with boners. I often was able to get them, but I've also had plenty of misfires, especially while rebooting.

    The hardest part about rebooting is the inevitable questioning that goes on in regards to if it's working or not. I promise you that it is. If you had/have a severe issue or if you started young then it's going to take a long time.
     
  11. L_T_D313

    L_T_D313 Member

    Thank you man, I'm still going strong day 60 on the horizon
     
  12. Zander

    Zander Member

    Almost 5 months. In a flatline right now, which sucks. My routine for the past 2 months has been 9 days of libido (good emotional health as well) followed by 6 days of withdrawals. Don't really know how this coincides with my depression, which makes it all the more confusing. I can't tell if my meds are failing me or if the flatline is really this depressing. Like everything, only time will tell.
     
  13. Zander

    Zander Member

    I vote flatline for now but I'm going to re-evaluate once my libido return. Could be a mixture of both. I forgot how therapeutic posting on these forums can be. Wow.
     
  14. LifeRedux

    LifeRedux New Member

    Fuaaaaking killing it Zander.
     
  15. L_T_D313

    L_T_D313 Member

    Look into your chakras, see which ones need balance. Try Binural beats as you sleep to ease the depression.
     
  16. Zander

    Zander Member

    5 months

    Just got out of a 7 day flatline. It was a doozy. Fucking sick of them to be honest. Cannot wait until this shit is done with for good. A part of me says that a loving relationship will be the final straw that will break this camel's back. I need some solid rewiring done. I need to provide some evidence to my brain that it's going to get its jollies from real sex, not the cyber version of it.
     
  17. Zander

    Zander Member

    Just found a very interesting article on YBOP about "intermittent use" (aka periods of abstinence followed by intense binges).

    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/why-intermittent-use-long-abstinence-binges-addiction-risk

    They seem to believe that this type of pattern is even more harmful than continuous use. It makes cravings more difficult and withdrawals more severe. BINGO. Since the intensity of the binges after such long periods of abstinence are so, well, intense, my brain get's fucked up even worse. Makes total sense. The pleasure derived from these relapse binges is so exquisite that my brain wants that shit again at any cost. When I was relapsing daily in my late teens it wasn't getting that much pleasure from PMO sessions, but now that I've been having more and more time between relapses, the cravings have gotten worse and worse.

    No wonder my flatlines are so fucking brutal. And I mean BRUTAL. They aren't just a period of no libido. They're a period of intense depression, anxiety, isolation, craving, and anger. And now, after yesterday, I know that my depression is being "managed" by my new meds and that the depression I was feeling the past full week was in response to cravings. Which is very good news in a way, though it's debilitating to know that I still have such long periods of withdrawals. As I've always said, they make life difficult. Extremely so. I couldn't imagine working a high pressure job with those kinds of feelings running around inside of me. No way jose.

    At this point it's just a waiting game. I need to continue to let this addiction run its course without relapsing, and I need to begin to rewire, to live life. At lease I'm blessed with 9-10 "good days" now that my meds are working. Actually, I take the 9-10 range back. I can't guarantee that time range--who knows how long this period of normalcy will last before the cravings return. Just need to stay in the moment and enjoy the good times.
     
  18. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Member

    I read that article, too and it scares me because right now it seems, that I'm in a cycle where I relapse every 10-30 days. I seriously need to break that cycle and manage the urges when they arise. Luckily, I don't experience the flatline yet. But I get these "uncontrollable" urges around 10-30 days and they send me back to day 1 every single time. I really need to come up with a good plan.
     
  19. Zander

    Zander Member

    @Pete McVries

    Hey man. I'd tell you a bunch of things to do right now but I don't want to be the guy who can't wait to give out advice as if I know so much more than you do. There are too many of those guys as it is. What I will say is that being thoroughly read up on your Rebooting knowledge is a great place to begin. And making sure that you've accepted the gravity of your situation, and that your very life is in the balance. Those two things are huge.

    I guess I just went against not being the advice guy, but whatever. The things I just told you are pretty damn fundamental, and aren't so specific. They're more like goals than anything.

    I wish you the best of luck man. I really do. Feel free to reach out any time!
     
  20. L_T_D313

    L_T_D313 Member

    Hey man,

    I'm just waiting for the shrinkage to go away and to get back the full erections that last with our stimulation.

    This is a long road..
     

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