Journal: Reclaiming my brain

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by IcarusPrime, Dec 4, 2018.

  1. IcarusPrime

    IcarusPrime New Member

    Hello there guys and girls! I'm gonna start with a short summary of my story. I reckon it's not that different that your stories - when I was a teenager I was introduced to high-speed internet, then shortly after I discovered porn and started masturbating to it regularly.Thanks to that I now have:
    • Crippling anxiety
    • Low self-esteem
    • Lack of motivation to do ..anything
    • Constant cravings to jerk off
    • Dick as sensitive as a if it was made out of cork
    • And probably the worst - I feel so helpless when I watch porn and jerk off to it cause I know what it does to my brain. I feel like my mind is not my own, and I feel like I am a passengers on the back seat while someone else is driving the car.
    Now, this is not my first time trying to quit porn. I've gone on different streaks, the longest one lasted around 120 days, but in the end I always went back to porn. But I can't give up. I don't want to feel like the things I've listed. I am afraid my life is going to pass without me ever knowing real joy cause my brain has been numbed to the point of no return.
    I've decided to create a journal here so I can be accountable to someone, and to track and analyze my progress, It's been 4 days since my last PMO and it's been a smooth sail so far, but the first days always are. I will try to write every days if that's possible.
    btw Any advice you can give me is more that welcome.
     
  2. jack91

    jack91 Find your way throuh Staff Member

    welcome aboard! Good luck with journey away from porn. My advice is in your moments of doubts do not doubt porn. people can get so low that they doubt whether it is the porn that causes their problems and feed lies to themselves. This is not recommended. Believe porn truly is the problem and do everything you can to change it. My mind asset and attitude has been my salvation!
     
    Achilles12393 likes this.
  3. IcarusPrime

    IcarusPrime New Member

    Thank you for the kind words! I know porn is a problem, it's not my only problem, but it's one that ends up causing a whole lot of other problems. I know it's not going to be an easy ride, but I am determined to get rid of the addiction!
     
  4. IcarusPrime

    IcarusPrime New Member

    Day 5
    Not long after I posted the thread yesterday I started having cravings, but i started browsing the forum to take my mind away from them. Today has been ok so far, but I was at work for most the time so that's not a huge surprise. I found myself irritated but trivial things, but I guess it's normal when my brain is starving for dopamine. Anyway, onto the next day!
     
  5. IcarusPrime

    IcarusPrime New Member

    Days 6 and 7
    I haven't had any cravings the last 2 days. I've been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster, though. One moment I feel depressed and sad, especially when I see a happy couple and I start wondering whether I'll ever know real love and happiness. The next moment I am filled with joy cause Spotify plays a nice new song. Music in general seems much more enjoyable.
    Anyway, one week of no PMO is behind me, onto the second one. The weekend is coming and I'm going to be home alone, I'll have to keep my mind occupied so I don't start thinking about jerking off. It's gonna be a challenge but I am ready for it!
     
  6. IcarusPrime

    IcarusPrime New Member

    Faptain's log - Days 8 and 9
    The weekend is behind and me and no fapping was done. On Saturday I decided to spent the time outside since the weather was nice. In the evening I went out to a bar with a few friends and I had a blast. I drank a bit too much though so today I was stuck in bed with a bad hangover for like half the day. These hangovers really get worse when you get older. When I felt better I did some chores. The key to not relapsing (at least for me) seems to be away from the computer and to not get bored cause that's when I start having cravings.
     
    Achilles12393 likes this.
  7. Achilles12393

    Achilles12393 Member

    Lol like the addition of the “Faptain’s log”
     
  8. IcarusPrime

    IcarusPrime New Member

    Joking about porn addiction really helps me get through this rough period of abstinence. Joking helps a lot in general when I come to think of it.
     
  9. IcarusPrime

    IcarusPrime New Member

    Faptain's log - Days 10 and 11
    Soooo, Monday was ok since I was so bloody occupied I had basically no time to think about beating my meat to slutty pixels. Today was not that great since I had to work from my home. Naturally when I got bored my brain started craving porn. At one point my brain was all like "Do it, do it, fuckin do it! Had to remove Instagram from my phone and block the site on my home network so I can avoid any other triggers and just go outside. I was also very moody.
    I am working from home again on Thursday and I kinda dread it to be honest but If I resist it I am certain that I should be fine until after Christmas.

    P.S.
    I really can't remember enjoying listening to music as much as I am now
     
  10. IcarusPrime

    IcarusPrime New Member

    Faptain's log - Day 12
    Was at work today and I felt like shit for most of the day. Had some cravings to watch pron but the went away quickly. From what I've read about the addiction, feeling depressed from time to time is a part of the journey to recover so if my brain is trying to get its shit together. I guess I'll have to endure it.
     
  11. IcarusPrime

    IcarusPrime New Member

    Faptain's log - Day 18
    Been away from the forum for some time cause I was so damn occupied. At least I was away from my personal computer as well. The past few days were pretty good when it comes to cravings, had some yesterday cause I woke up from a wet dream that was straight out of a porn scene. Got out of bed asap and started listening to music so I don't think about that. Other than that I still experience swift mood swings. The other day I almost punched a whole in my wall cause I couldn't order a taxi to get to somewhere, half an hour later I am the most zen person in the world. Yesterday I was in a great mood at work until I saw a colleague of mine who is absolutely stunning and is also smart and funny. My brain was quick to point out "You'll never be able to get a woman like that. Hell, you won't bet getting any woman anytime soon, you looser." Naturally I got a bit depressed. I guess I'll just have to get used to that until the neurochemical balance in my brain is That being said. I find myself looking at women less and less as a sexy sack of meat, so that's an improvement.
    Anyway, that's been my longest no PMO streak in a quite some time and I intend to make it even longer!
     
  12. IcarusPrime

    IcarusPrime New Member

    Faptain's log - Day 27
    Long time no see, friends. I've been away for some time. First I was very occupied before Christmas and for the holiday itself I went back home to my parents. It's been 10 days free of urges..until today. There are just like flashes of scenes from porn videos I've seen before and it's driving me crazy. I think I should go away from the computer now and just not use my smartphone just until the crisis passes. Wish me luck!
     

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