Hey everyone, I've lurked these sites for years and decided it's time to make a journal. I'm 21, been MOing since 12, and PMOing since 14. Addiction grew worse and worse over the years, deathgripped, PMO'd while stoned when I could from 18 until last year. I haven't looked at porn since late last year, but I'm still very addicted to the rush of MOing itself. I still don't get full erections and lack that feeling of true arousal which I can't even remember anymore, I MO just for the high, the rush, not because it feels like a biological need, it feels like lighting a cigarette or taking that first swig of a beer. My morning woods are coming back quite frequently and I woke up from a dream last night with a raging hard on that I would daresay was 100%. I thought I was cured from that, but I realise now that I still have a long way to go in fixing myself. Anyway, I feel like I need a clean break from all of that, to take my mind and energy and use them on something better. This year, I have been eating healthier than ever and making habits out of yoga, meditation and general exercise. I plan on going back to University (I quit when it got too tough because I was a bitch) and I have dreams of becoming a Doctor. There is still more I could do however... I still am holding myself back, I have a stack of books that I should read, a guitar that gets more attention from dust than from fingers, friends that I never make the effort to see, a potential girlfriend who my mind's too in knots to make a decision on and a tendency to stick myself to my computer for hours and hours playing video games or watching Youtube. My life is waiting to be started, but I stray from it, instead killing time, procrastinating. So tomorrow I will challenge myself to avoid video games, to go for a walk, to spend hours and hours reading and getting ahead on University studies. There is so much more to life, so much adventure outdoors and in books.