Journal: PIED is not ME

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Elrond15, Oct 19, 2017.

  1. Elrond15

    Elrond15 New Member

    Hey guys, I came across this site that I had no idea existed. It makes me comfortable knowing theres many out there with the same problems. I'm gonna share my story and journey of trying to overcome an obstacle thats been apparent in my life.
     
  2. Elrond15

    Elrond15 New Member

    So guys, there is no quick rundown of explaining all the factors of why i'm here lol. Lets start from the beginning ... I'm 23 years old and have been watching porn since about 8th grade. Ever since i learned you could say it was occasional. I would say at about my sophomore year of HS it was pretty frequent. Looking back on it, I probably was triggered around my senior year when I noticed I couldn't get full erections with my gf at the time. Though I noticed then in situations I would never fully believe it was a problem, just that maybe I always had bad luck or anxiety, which sucked that it had to happen at that moment. (Chapter2) After HS my gf and I had broken up which was foreseeable since we argued a lot in HS.. it was pretty normal to find myself having a regular day at junior college,work, gym, etc and getting one off in the morning or night sometimes both just to past time. This was normal for about 2 and half years. Now though, PMO was usual it wasn't EVERYDAY just to set it straight, but frequent enough to say 4-7 days most times. Over this time, I did date a couple of girls and a lot of times my "anxiety" kicked in. I would say "idk why" or that it barely happens but truly I did. (Chapter 3) I found a girl whose worth spending my time for. She's been perfect to me in so many ways. When she found out about this situation she would immediately cry and feel unattractive. Seeing her feel that way made me feel like a POS. About a year in the relationship i cut down PMO to 1-2 times a week, thinking it improve. (very little) About a month and a half a ago I quit PMO and did a full 30 days ... for once I felt like progress was happening.. then I relapsed... Back at the start..

    At this point I am actually 15 days of no PMO but I will be logging here on out. I am doing this not only for my girl, but myself, and anyone else going through this. If anybody actually reads this and cares feel free to comment or ask questions, Though I typed alot ^^ I gave you guys the core list of it. There's a lot of things that were also left out to not put my story on a tangent.
     
  3. Elrond15

    Elrond15 New Member

    Day 15: So i'm actually logging around 2 am going in to my day 16. Today, wasn't much of a big step for me. I woke up feeling non-sexually driven no mw, but still at peace with respecting the process. I meditated for about 10 mins. I did not create an erection in my deep session, but I could feel my brain really connecting to my body. Though I can say I do meditate often, I think for this journey I am going to make sure I do it daily. Positive vibes especially while mediating helps me realize that there are obstacles out there, but theres also no reason why I should be neglecting myself of the goal. I remember a time when my coworker told me (Theres 2 things in this world, Problems and Solutions...) This really stuck to me, bc it was so simple yet so true. If you think about it you can say to yourself theres a problem and cry and feel bad about it and do nothing, OR you can do something about it. So while today wasn't a big step. I did conquer another day of no PMO and that is more or less progress.
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2017
  4. Elrond15

    Elrond15 New Member

    Day 16: So Today I woke up feeling like there was a bit more fullness in size if that makes sense... Not that there was an erection or anything but it didn't feel completely dead. I had to run some errands in the morning so didnt have time to hit a mediation session although i'll be doing one before I go to sleep. Today was an overall cool day got the day off, hung out with friends, and conquered another day of no PMO! side note: Since im on this no fap journal kick, I decided to challenge myself to take fitness as serious as I can for 12 weeks. I've always been physically active and in and out the gym regularly, but ive never been a hardcore gym rat. I want to push myself along with this challenge to meal prep, make time to gym, and challenge my mind and body to be better!
     
  5. Elrond15

    Elrond15 New Member

    Hey guys I'm back ! It's been a min with some stuff to fill you guys in with ... I am currently on Day 23 of the no porn no fap journey ..
    To speed you guys up to date I believe it was Day 17: My gf had visited.. tbh I know she has her needs to so I did visit the blue pill .. I had a great time with her and what can I say it worked... actually 2x... It had given me motivation for what I want to become.
    Day 18: Now I'm still on this journey but I did O twice with her. So I continue to do my mediation and stay true to no porn.
    Day19: I notice I am becoming more and more full. I did try and edge a bit and created an erection ! It felt good to know I'm making progress !
    For the following days it has been the same taking baby steps by baby steps !
     
  6. Elrond15

    Elrond15 New Member

    Alright guys, here I am on Day 23: Apologies for the lack of post but at the time I get off work I don't feel like doing much except sleeping. So to catch you guys up I will sum the major points up. As of last week I got reminded why I was doing this challenge. My gf had came over, I would say about 3 days ago and I decided to test my luck. When we started getting into it I could feel an erection coming. I definitely got up. After about a couple of mins I started to think many thoughts of "if it was going to go down" "how long will it last" etc... after about 5 mins my erection did start going down. My gf was understanding but it still sucked .
    Last night my gf came over again and I did sur come to using the blue pill. I was hard as rock and it felt good to have that sense of "manlyness" tho I know it wasn't real...
    Anyways we got it not once but twice and ngl after she left maybe me still being horny but my PMO urges had come back this morning..
    I did start looking at some porn to be completely honest but I told myself no to fapping ... I'm hoping to remain strong ...
     

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