Journal of snoopy - goddamn flatlining

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by snoopy, Aug 30, 2012.

  1. snoopy

    snoopy New Member

    Hi guys,

    I already posted under "Porn Induced E.D." and follow herewith a proposal of another member to start a journal of my progress. The beginning is some sort of repeating my first post in order to keep the journal complete.

    Now I would like to introduce myself and describe the situation I am in.

    I am 43 years old and got divorced 2 years ago from a 20 years lasting marriage. Even before marriage I started to masturbate to porn (not internet but porn magazines).

    Masturbation lasted also during being married since I needed sex on a daily basis whereas my wife was satisfied if sex would happen once a week. Sex was never a problem for me although I had the impression I was addicted to my fetish (pantyhose) very much since I was not able to have sexual intercourse without pantyhose anymore. Not regarding this fact during marriage I never even thought of ED at all.

    In the last 2 years being a single person up to now I had no other partner so I kept on just masturbating to internet porn - sometimes even twice a day. Now I met a wonderful woman and she is absolutely fine with my fetish and all but when we tried to have sex it was not possible. I just had a very weak erection and was very disappointed of myself. The following two attempts were a catastrophy as well. I have to add that my partner was very understanding and did not force me. She is not the problem, it's me.

    I already stopped to masturbate and stopped watching porn in the internet two weeks ago - just checked it once more, it's only 12 days ago, I stopped on 20th of August - before visiting this site (right after my first failure) just in order to be horny enough to have sex with my partner. But it didn't work anyway.

    Stopping masturbation / watching porn wasn't any problem at all. This fact surprised me a little bit. But to be honest I often masturbated because I was used to masturbate daily not because I really needed it. Weird, isn't it?

    I find it really hard not even think about porn. I think very often about sex especially now while having this problem. In my imagination I have sex with my partner although knowing I am not able to. This fact almost drives me crazy.

    Yesterday and today I had a morning wood which is a progress although it lasted not very long. I do not remember when it happened in the past decade.

    But since week 2 began I completely lost sensitivity in my penis. It is like dead meat, it really makes me scared and it helps a lot to read other members experiencing the same. I feel some sort of strange aching in the upper part (somewhere where the glans starts inside the penis) without touching it at all, which occured the first time today. Not much but I am aware of it all of the time. It reminds me as if I would have been masturbating too much, like four times in a row. What is going on here?
     
  2. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim New Member

    Re: Journal of snoopy

    Hi, Snoopy

    welcome to the forum!

    You are starting an amazing journey.

    And from you relate, it seems you are enetering on the "flatline" stage.

    Dont worry about that.

    It is part of the process for many people (if not all).

    When I was at that stage I enjoyed as a holyday for my dick and for my brain (in my case I didnt think about sex at all on that period).

    It takes a few time to finish this period. About 1 to 2 weeks, maybe more, depends on each one.

    Just dont worry and relax.

    And it is step by step.

    good luck!
     
  3. snoopy

    snoopy New Member

    Day 13 - it's getting tough

    Hi Pilgrim,

    thank you for calming me down. Your help is very much appreciated.

    Today something changed. I woke up lying on my belly, no morning wood, nothing at first. Waking up a little bit more I got suddenly aroused by the pressure of the mattress on my penis. What the f*** was going on? I got erected and turned immediately. I lost erection and stood up. But since this happening I feel horny although my penis stays being insensitive (I did not try to masturbate, I experienced it during peeing).

    On the one hand I am happy about it, on the other hand I suppose I have to adjust myself to these ups and downs. This is harder than just feeling nothing and not feeling like having sex at all like in the beginning. It is much harder for me today not touching myself and "testing" the erection if it would work. I read other journals in the meantime and most guys just had a dead phase in every way. The penis was dead, the thoughts were dead, the sexual needs were dead. In my case the thoughts never were dead. Now the sexual needs started today and I hope it is just a certain stage and will stop again. Going on like this drives me mad because I suppose my penis stays dead. But I am totally aware of the fact that I should not try it out. It seems I am going to have a hard time...
     
  4. MmmDanon

    MmmDanon Good things come to those who wait

    Re: Journal of snoopy

    Hello Snoopy,

    Good on you for doing this. We all need to rid ourselves of porn and live in reality.

    I experienced the flatline dead dick period recently, I believe I have come out of this in the past couple of days.
    I am now finding it possible to do things I haven'd been able to do in years.

    All this in 24 days!! Not too bad at all. Can't wait to reach 90 days.

    I will never watch porn again. fact.

    Good luck with your journey mate.
     
  5. snoopy

    snoopy New Member

    Day 14 - up and down

    I still have no need for PMO. But it still is very hard for me not to think about sex. Especially sex with my new partner. I think it would be OK but I am afraid I am thinking about doing things with her I saw in some porn movie. The more I try not to think about it the more I think about it. If it goes on like that it will take years to reboot...

    So nothing changed in fact compared to yesterday except I am not horny anymore. This is indeed a big relief. But still I have a lot of doubts. Will it really change back to normal? Is my ED really porn-related? How do I find out if it is something else?

    Today everything is dead. No morning wood, no erection the whole day, even if I think about sex with my new girlfriend I am not sexually arroused, it is more a wishful thinking.

    But it is still very disturbing not to feel anything in my penis. This "dead dick phase" really scares the hell out of me. Will it last longer if I cannot stop thinking about sex with my new partner? How long will it last? Nobody can answer those questions. I "simply" have to wait...
     
  6. snoopy

    snoopy New Member

    Day 15 - up again

    The urge to have sex with my partner increases whereas I still have no need for PMO. I think my new girlfriend keeps me away from doing this, although we do not have sex at all. But I am really looking forward to it.

    Today I woke up again on my belly (no morning wood though). Again I was aroused by the mattress and had an erection of about 40 % after a couple of minutes (I was not dry humping, just laying there!). I also recognized a slight increase of senisitivity in my penis. Since this happening I am horny again, not very much but noticeable.

    Why can't I just stay flatlining like the other guys here? It makes things much easier. I cannot imagine it already is done in my case. Still no morning woods, still no erections except the "mattress experiences", no full erections so I think I am sort of flatling. But in contrary to that these "morning happenings" as well as the slightly increasing sensitivity. I am very unsure about my progress...
     
  7. snoopy

    snoopy New Member

    Day 16

    I decided to do a grading scale for me.
    (0 = nothing; 1 = weak; 2 = almost OK; 3 = strong)

    morning wood = 0
    sensitivity = 1
    erection (not forced; spontaneous) = 0
    need for PMO = 0

    So in fact I am still flatlining.
     
  8. snoopy

    snoopy New Member

    Day 17 - next try to have sex failed

    Yesterday I saw my girlfriend in the evening. I did not tell her about my problem before, so she simply didn't know about it and tried to tease me (no masturbation of my dick though, just visual teasing, kissing and so on). I got an erection of about 80 % but as soon as she rolled a condom on my penis I lost it. Finally I decided to tell her what is going on with me. She was very understanding. But I have to admit I did not tell her how long it probably will take to reboot referring to the journals here. I think she would accept this as well but I was simply not prepared to tell her now.
    Additionally she asked me exactly which sort of pantyhose related porn movies I used to watch and what the actresses did. She agreed to do it as well so that I would be able to have sex with her. But I told her that this would be not a good idea since I would like to get rid of everything porn related and if I would just repeat a porn movie in real life it would be no cure. Besides I am afraid during flatlining it would not help me at all since I would not be able to have sex with her anyway. I hope this was the right decission and to quit flatlining soon...

    My new statistics

    morning wood = 0
    sensitivity = 2
    erection (not forced; spontaneous) = 0
    need for PMO = 0
    (0 = nothing; 1 = weak; 2 = almost OK; 3 = strong)
     
  9. Hoempa

    Hoempa New Member

    You've made a wise decision telling her your issues and that you want to be cured in stead of repeat porn scenarios irl.
    Best of luck with your recovery, you can do this!
     
  10. snoopy

    snoopy New Member

    Day 18 - I think it works!

    Today I am having a hard time. Flatlining is pausing completely. I already woke up with a morning wood and it stayed really long.
    Shit, staying away from porn seems to work. I hardly can keep my hands off my dick! This feels great!!! I hope it stays like that for a while.

    My new statistics

    morning wood = 2
    sensitivity = 2
    erection (not forced; spontaneous) = 1
    need for PMO = 0
    (0 = nothing; 1 = weak; 2 = almost OK; 3 = strong)
     
  11. snoopy

    snoopy New Member

    Hi guys,

    I was offline for a time since I had a surgery. Just now I am recovering and would like to update my journal.

    Day 19 - 20 no changes

    Day 21

    First sex with my new girlfriend and it worked!! I was so goddam happy.
    It was the first time I was able to have sex since I stopped watching porn and the first time with my new girlfriend.

    Day 22 - Day 24
    I did not see my girlfriend these days but I was horny as hell.

    Day 25

    Again I had great sex! Wow!

    Day 26
    I came two times in a row with my girlfriend. I thought this would never be possible anymore.

    Day 27 - Day 29
    I was horny, horny, horny. I did not see my girlfriend

    Day 30
    Desaster! I got weak and masturbated to a picture pantyhose-wearing woman. No porn and also without "death-grip method" (only stroking it very gently) but...
    I was very frustrated doing this. Do I have to reset my counter? How do I know if I relapsed. I was able to have sex with my girlfriend the following days nevertheless!

    Day 31
    I did not see my girlfriend and was still horny. Masturbating the day before almost had no effect.

    Day 32 - 35
    These days I saw my girlfriend and again we had wonderful sex together.

    Day 36
    I didn't see my girlfriend at that day but I was not horny anymore anyway. I think this was the point of time when I started flatlining once more without knowing it.

    Day 37 - 40
    We tried to have sex several times without any efforts anymore! The quality of my erection was very poor. She tried to give me head and it almost worked but as soon as we tried to have vaginal sex it failed again.
    Statistics for these days:

    morning wood = 1
    sensitivity = 1
    erection (not forced; spontaneous) = 1
    need for PMO = 0
    (0 = nothing; 1 = weak; 2 = almost OK; 3 = strong)

    Did I something wrong? I think I remember reading a post here where guys tried to reboot with a girlfriend. In my opinion avoiding porn is the aim, not avoiding sex at all. But I am afraid slowing down my progress or even worse relapsing completely. Does anybody have experience with going on having sex with his partner and rebooting completely nevertheless?
     
  12. Confused

    Confused New Member

    I'm having regular sex with my wife and all is good so far...............no porn and no masturbating and focusing on the "real situations" instead is working for me....not sure I could go cold turkey without any sex.
     
  13. snoopy

    snoopy New Member

    Day 41

    @ confused,

    I hope this works fine for me as well. I would like to be able to have sex with my girlfriend on a regular basis without being afraid it will not work. And I would like to reach this goal without watching porn or masturbate to porn or even without jerking off at all. But I would not like to stop having sex with my girlfriend - if it is possible though. I do not know if it works for me in this way...

    I do not know why but I feel more unsure having sex with my girlfriend and its consequences regarding my reboot than this one time masturbation to a picture of a pantyhose wearing woman. It somehow seemed to have no effect on me - at least not immediately. Or do I have to reset my counter anytime when having sex? I hope staying away from PM should be OK - time will show...

    Nevertheless I decided to reset my counter of no - PM to 11 Days since I failed on Day 30. But somehow I do not feel sad about it since I was able to maturbate normally without the death grip, almost without touching my penis at all. I do not remember when I ever was able to do it like this!!


    My new statistics

    morning wood = 1
    sensitivity = 2
    erection (not forced; spontaneous) = 1
    need for PMO = 0
    (0 = nothing; 1 = weak; 2 = almost OK; 3 = strong)

    Still libido is sort of almost absent. My girlfriend had to leave for a seminar this weekend and I decided to accompany her to the train. The departure was delayed about 20 min. - and I was not unhappy about this ;D. We started to kiss very intensely and I had an instant erection of about 50 %. I was happy about this because now I think I am not flatlining completely.
     
  14. snoopy

    snoopy New Member

    DAY 12 without PM

    Today I feel a slight increase of libido. Unfortunately my girlfriend is not here :). But I still do not know if it is not better this way. Is it normal, if I am horny as hell on one day as well as being able to have sex with my girlfriend without any problems whereas on the other day I am not able to since I do not feel like it at all? Or is it a relapse? How do I know? Question after question...

    My new statistics

    morning wood = 0
    sensitivity = 2
    erection (not forced; spontaneous) = 2
    need for PM = 0
    (0 = nothing; 1 = weak; 2 = almost OK; 3 = strong)
     
  15. snoopy

    snoopy New Member

    DAY 13 without PM

    Still slightly increased libido. Today I am in a good mood. I am going to pick my girlfriend up from the train station 8).

    My stats:

    morning wood = 0
    sensitivity = 2
    erection (not forced; spontaneous) = 1
    need for PM = 0
    (0 = nothing; 1 = weak; 2 = almost OK; 3 = strong)
     
  16. Confused

    Confused New Member

    How are you doing - still going strong?

    Stay positive and focus on your goals.
     
  17. snoopy

    snoopy New Member

    Still well on the way

    Hi guys,

    a short update of the recent days.

    On day 13 nothing happened anymore. The train was pretty late and we were tired as hell but lucky to see each other again. We just went to sleep while I put my arms around her. I just felt secure in her presence and did not feel like sex in this moment although I was conviced I would have been able to make love to her.

    Day 14

    Again it was pretty late when we finally went to sleep. But this time we started to fool around and finally we had great sex together. Without pantyhose, nothing, just naked. My girlfriend was a little bit disappointed. She really likes my fetish, but is very understanding and supports me in every way. I was happy since I think the strong pantyhose fetish is related to my extensive porn consumption.
    Don't get me wrong. I was aroused by pantyhoses before watching porn, but in my opinion porn finally led to the fact I was not able to have "normal" sex anymore. Porn addiction led to pantyhose addiction. Sex just beeing naked was not enough anymore, I needed a more intense stimulus. Maybe this is now a thing of the past.

    Day 15

    My libido is still increased but I decided not to have sex with my girlfriend today. I would not like to overstrain my brain and go backwards.

    My stats:

    morning wood = 2
    sensitivity = 3
    erection (not forced; spontaneous) = 3
    need for PM = 0
    (0 = nothing; 1 = weak; 2 = almost OK; 3 = strong)

    Day 16

    I catched a cold. Nevertheless my libido still is increased.

    morning wood = 2
    sensitivity = 3
    erection (not forced; spontaneous) = 3
    need for PM = 0
    (0 = nothing; 1 = weak; 2 = almost OK; 3 = strong)

    Day 17

    I am still not up to the mark but libido is still increased (and it feels good indeed).

    My stats:

    morning wood = 2
    sensitivity = 2
    erection (not forced; spontaneous) = 1
    need for PM = 0
    (0 = nothing; 1 = weak; 2 = almost OK; 3 = strong)
     
  18. Prinster

    Prinster New Member

    Hey man. I love your stats. I also think you are doing incredibly well. I hope I can keep on track. Flat lining has only just started for me and I am truly worried about it but your post has given me hope for the future. Stay strong my friend it will be worth it in the end.
     
  19. snoopy

    snoopy New Member

    @ Prinster

    Urge for PM is normally not the issue for me, since sex with my new girlfriend is much better than any porn can be. But there are two sides of the coin. I gave up keeping off from PMO . I try to reboot only without PM. I know there are ways of having fun without making love, but I think actually having sex is much more fun 8). I am impatient for the moment when I do not have to be afraid anymore if sex will work or not.
    If I fail, I will try it without O as well.

    Flatlining is absolutely weird. I was afraid of it as well (and I will be afraid of it as soon as it starts again). Most likely you already read some of the other journals. A lot of members feel exactly like you do. Do not give up or try if you still can jerk off! Sure you can. There is no need to try it. Just keep cool, think about something else. In fact this time is the easiest one, there is no urge for PMO...

    Don't loose track of your aim. All the best!
     
  20. snoopy

    snoopy New Member

    Day 17 - Day 18

    Flatlining seems to be over for the moment. Libido is significantly increased. I try to minimize sex with my girlfriend on the one hand and not to jerk off on the other hand.

    My stats:

    morning wood = 2
    sensitivity = 3
    erection (not forced; spontaneous) = 2
    need for P = 0
    need for M = 1
    (0 = nothing; 1 = weak; 2 = almost OK; 3 = strong)

    Day 19

    I am having a hard time today. My increased libido drives me crazy. I will meet my girlfriend today and I am thinking about having sex with her rather than to jerk off...

    My stats:

    morning wood = 3
    sensitivity = 3
    erection (not forced; spontaneous) = 3
    need for P = 0
    need for M = 2
    (0 = nothing; 1 = weak; 2 = almost OK / significant; 3 = strong)
     

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