Journal of Nick Duval: Rebooted :)

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Nickolas Duval, Aug 14, 2012.

  1. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    NEW INTRODUCTION: 16 - 01 - 2013
    (old introduction below)


    Hi everyone! I am Nickolas Duval , I am an addict.

    It has been a while since I posted on this forum or even since I visited this website.

    My journey started approximately half a year ago on the 14th of August. I woke up that morning in the bed of a blond girl. I spend the night with her without being able to have sex with her. I was too tense, I wasn't aroused and I was constantly thinking about why I was not getting an erection. That morning I drove back to my place and I felt like shit. This wasn't the first time that I felt awkward and ashamed of my disability to have sex with a hot girl. That day I finally decided to take matters into my own hand (it was actually more like keeping matters out of my hand, but you get the point...).

    In the beginning it was quite hard to stop masturbating, thats how I remember the first days of my reboot at least. After a while the flatline began. This was annoying, but it made rebooting easier. Before I knew I reached 30 days. After 1 month the flatline varied with days/periods of high libido. During my reboot I tried to have sex and every attempt failed. There where times I lost hope and thought that rebooting simply didnt work for me. Sometimes a voice in my head tried to convince me that I should quit. Luckily this forum helped a lot and I kept faith. Apart from rebooting and resisting porn, I noticed that I wanted to improve other areas of my life as well. I started sporting 3 times a week. This was a plesant side effect. After a while I came close to my 100 day goal. The last 20 days were easy. I visited a therapist to talk about my thoughts regarding sex. It turned out the guy gave me a few useful tips and insights. At the 23th of November I finally reached 100 days. I didnt had sex with someone, but I felt a lot more relaxt and comfortable with the idea. I considered my reboot as a succes.

    Currently its the 16th of January. My reboot was a succes. I have met the blond girl (that made me start my journey on the 14th of August) again. A few weeks ago I slept at her place, just like I did the night before I started this journey. That night we had sex. My dick was still a bit hesitantly, but it worked. I was relaxt and felt comfortable. After that night we have had sex more often. Everytime my dick "worked" better and better. I felt relaxter and relaxter.

    Am I writing this post because everything is going well? No. Two hours ago I watched porn..
    Why? Because everything was going so well I cant really imagine where I came from. The thought of watching porn sneaked into my head a few weeks ago and today I couldnt resist. After I PMO'd I felt misserable.

    Today I realized that I am an addict. There is no difference between a guy addicted to alcohol, marijuana or cocaine and my porn addiction. Somewhere in my head there is the need for the dopamine rush that watching porn gives me. Thats why I decided that I have to continue some sort of active participation.

    My personal goal:
    A lifetime without porn.

    Action plan: No porn in 2013.

    I will use the following milestones:
    - 1 month
    - 2 months
    - 3 months
    - 5 months
    - half a year (17 - july - 2013)
    - 8 months
    - 10 months
    - No more porn in 2013 (31 - 12 - 2013).

    I will not commit myself to write every once in two days like I did in my 100day challenge. I will write whenever I need it or when I have something I want to share.

    Today will be: Day 0: 16 - 01 - 2013


    Thank you for reading. Good luck! :)

    - Nick

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    OLD INTRODUCTION: 14 - 08 - 2012

    Hi there,

    I am new here. My name is Nick Duval and I started this journal for a simple reason. This morning I woke up next to a girl. We had a fun night, but I experienced a problem. Again.

    I was 14 years old when I got my hands on a magazine with pictures of naked girls. It didn't take long before I replaced the erotic magazine for a magazine filled with pictures with a pornographic nature; the kinds of magazines that are hidden behind all the other magazines and are located on the top shelf in a gas station. Probably to keep them out of sight of 14 year olds…

    At the age of 15 my parents installed satellite TV in my room. The decoder was equipped with a porn channel but I needed a code to access the channel. It didn't take long before I knew the code and I watched my first porn movie. It became the first of many.

    When I turned 17 I bought my own computer. The computer was connected to the Internet. This allowed me to watch the kind of porn I liked at the moment I "needed" it. It started with relative innocent video clips, but slowly the innocent clips didn't excite me anymore. Slowly I turned to the more extreme video clips.

    Currently I am 24 years old. I watch porn daily. In January of this year I ended my (one year during) relationship. Since January of this year I've had several sexual encounters with girls. But these encounters didn't go that well. From the moment things turn sexual with a girl I experience ED. I’ve started searching the Internet for an explanation. It didn't take long until I stumbled upon a website called yourbrainonporn.com. I’ve read the stories on the website and I started with a reboot. After two weeks I started masturbating again. Two weeks after that, I was watching porn again.

    To me this proves that I am addicted to porn.

    After waking up this morning I decided to start a new reboot. From my earlier reboot attempt I’ve learned that I should treat this more serious. That is why I believe it is important to keep track of my improvement. Therefore I’ve registered on this forum and started this journal.

    My personal goal: Getting excited by “normal” sexual stimuli instead of the extreme stimuli I am getting turned on by today, so that I am able to enjoy to be sexual with a girl again.

    Action plan: 100 days without porn and masturbation. I will allow myself sexual releases when I am with a girl. (Because sexual releases based on normal stimuli is the whole point of my reboot).

    Promises: I will commit myself to write my experiences in this journal at least once in two days.


    For now, thank you for reading my journal.

    Gr. Nick Duval
     
  2. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Day 1:
    Just started. First day of my reboot.
    I just removed all the porn from my hard drive. Removed all the porn from my browsers history. And deleted al the porn clips from my favourites. My computer is clean.

    This is the first day, so it should be easy.
    Sometimes the thought of porn and masturbation pops up in my head, but this is my first day so my urge to masturbate is nothing compared to my urge to complete this challenge.

    Gr. Nick Duval
     
  3. The Jimmy Rustler

    The Jimmy Rustler You aware?

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Hey Nick, good to see you're starting out determined, here's to your success with all of this.

    Also, props to you for managing to have some "fun" despite your problems. I'd say someone that can pull chicks is already one (big) step ahead of everyone else in this game, since it means that you've got a proven ability to find a "different release" for yourself.

    By the way, do you know if it's possible to "sub" to threads on this site?
     
  4. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Thank you for the warm welcome! Good luck with your own challenge(s)!
    I don't know if it is possible to sub to threads on this site. Why are you asking?
     
  5. iDominant

    iDominant Eh, Shitt happens ~

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Welcome Mr. Duval. Way to own up to your problems and attempt to stomp them out. Tough road a head and i hope you & I both see this through. I wish you the best
     
  6. Laurynas

    Laurynas 300 Days+ Experienced.

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Hey there Nick,

    congratulations on learning what porn can do to you the hard and unpleasant way.

    Great job on removing all the porn you've had.

    You should check out the threads in my signature for more helpful information.

    Do message me if you need any support, I'll be glad to help you out.
     
  7. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Hi Laurynas. Thanks for the support :) I've checked out the threads in your signature. I like your idea of chuncking your goal into smaller steps. I can imagine that some short steps help me to complete my long term goal. I am gonna decide today which short term milestones I should set.

    Gr. Nick
     
  8. Laurynas

    Laurynas 300 Days+ Experienced.

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Be sure to post when you've decided. Just start off easy with smaller goals, that will help you keep the motivation levels up. Since at day 0 day 100 looks like a trip around the world.
     
  9. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Day 2: 15 - 08 - 2012

    Today was hard. I went out last night and when I woke up I was horny as hell. I figured that this feeling would pass during the day, but it stayed. Fortunately it is still my second day so I am still extremely motivated. So I made it succesfully through this day and I am one day further in my challenge.
    Two more positive points:
    - I decided that I should install a porn blocker on my laptop as an extra line of defense for the days that I am not so motivated as today.
    - I decided to small chuck my goal in little steps. I've decided to take the following milestones:
    1 week no PM,
    2 weeks no PM,
    3 weeks no PM,
    1 month no PM,
    50 days no PM (halfway into completing my challenge)
    2 months no pm,
    3 months no pm,
    100 days no pm (challenge completed)

    I think this will help to make it seem more possible te complete my challenge.
     
  10. Jotan

    Jotan New Member

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Hey Nick!

    Great job so far on making the decision to stop the addiction and work through the symptoms you've felt before. It's probably a really hard thing to go through in the beginning, but it definitely will slowly get easier, and in the end it will definitely be worth it with many benefits.

    Adding small milestones is definitely a good thing, but something that I have found that helps a little too is to congratulate yourself with something really tiny, even at the end of the day. Just something to reward yourself for a job well done through the day :). It's definitely a long process but if you take it one day at a time, time will just start flying by.
     
  11. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Hi Jotan,
    Thanks for the support. It's a good idea to reward yourself after each day. What kind of things did you reward yourself with? How many days are you in your challenge?
    Gr. Nick
     
  12. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Day 3: 16 - 08 - 2012
    Day 4: 17 - 08 - 2012


    Today is the fourth day of my challenge.
    Yesterday had some ups and downs. During the day I had some really hard moments. Fortunately I was working so not really in the position to act upon it. I wouldn't have acted upon it if I wasn't working, but it was nice that it was simply impossible and I didn't have to fight it with willpower. In the evening I was really busy and that made it pretty easy.

    Today is harder, because I am at home and spent the last hour by watching a movie. When I am not distracted or concentrated, it becomes harder.
    I think it's amazing how intense this need is after just 4 days. To me this proves again that I am addicted and that makes me more determined to continue this challenge.
    I also figure that it works more or less the same as other addictions. The first days are hard because your body is still used to the addiction. Hope I am right about this, but I will find out 8)

    Thank you for reading my journal and good luck with your own challenge!

    Gr. Nick
     
  13. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Day 5: 18 - 08 - 2012
    This day went by easily. The previous days I was hindered by cravings and the urge to masturbate. But today was different. When I woke up I was in a hurry so I had no time to think about masturbation. The entire day I didn't feel the urge to do anything and my dick felt dead. I think this is called a flatline (...?)
    I am only five days without PMO, but I am almost at my first milestone (one week). I can't wait until I rebalance my brain and I am living without this dreadful ED. I really want to be able to enjoy sex with girls again!
     
  14. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Day 6: 19 - 08 - 2012
    Today was more or less a copy of yesterday. I have had no feeling in my dick, it felt dead. I also didn't feel the urge to masturbate. Still a flatline. In the afternoon I experienced (for the first time during this reboot) a little tingling sensation in my balls. I don't know what this means, but it was there for half an hour or something. I can't say exactly when it stopped, because I went to a friend and got distracted. After it stopped it didn't return today.
    Sometimes my thoughts wander off and I catch myself asking questions like: how bad would it be to just watch some porn or how bad would it be to masturbate just one time. I then quickly tell myself that this has to be done and that I have to complete this reboot in order to rebalanche my brain. I have the feeling I still am very motivated, so tomorrow I will hit my first milestone.
     
  15. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Day 7: 20 - 08 - 2012 - First milestone completed

    This was again a "flatline day". No feeling in my dick whatsoever. Nothing new to report actually. This day seemed more or less the same as yesterda and the day before that.

    Today I talked to one of my best friends and told him what I was doing and why. He knew about my ED "problem", but didn't know about my reboot. I try to commit myself as much as possible so that I have some strong commitment build up for the hard(er) days. I think it helps to: tell people in my surroundings, post actively on this forum, keep my journal up to date, read about the subject and daily remember myself what I have lost because of my addiction & what I will gain when I complete this journey.

    Today I also hit my first milestone. I am very happy with that. Tommorow I can start my journey to completing my second milestone. Only seven days to go.. :)

    1 week no PM completed
    2 weeks no PM,
    3 weeks no PM,
    1 month no PM,
    50 days no PM (halfway into completing my challenge)
    2 months no pm,
    3 months no pm,
    100 days no pm (challenge completed)
     
  16. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Day 8: 21 - 08 - 2012
    Still on this d*mn flatline. Does someone know how many days these flatline periods approximately take?

    Last night I got drunk. Met a nice girl. Decided that it was best to not take her home, because I am just 7 days in this reboot. Combined with my flatline I think this situation was doomed to fail, because it would result in ED. I decided that it was better to build some positive momentum instead of negative. So I went home alone. (Today I found out she was a sister of one of my friends, so in the end this turned out to be a wise decision haha..)

    Normally I am always watching porn the day after a drinking-night, so I expected it to be kind of a challenge upfront. But this morning I didn't experience any urge to watch porn or masturbate. Strange, but I think it's due to the flatline. I am really not horny at all. This lasted the entire day.

    I really like Laurynas' "small steps strategy". It helps a lot that I don't have to focus on 90+ days. I am just focussing on completing another week without PM. I have already proven to myself that I am able to complete one week without PM, so I just have to repeat last week. Sounds doable. Six more days to go. Good luck all!
     
  17. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Day 9: 22 - 08 - 2012:
    Nothing interesting to report. I was very busy yesterday and still on a flatline.

    Day 10: 23 - 08 - 2012: Double digits
    Today was hard. I don't know if I am stil on a flatline. Some moments my dick seemed dead. Other moments I have had a lot of urges. I didn't give in, so I am again one step further.
     
  18. C.J.

    C.J. Guest

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Good luck man :) Be aware of the fact that the first few weeks are the hardest, so don´t relapse!
     
  19. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Thank you very much for your support CJ! I have just finished reading your journal and your story is pretty much the same. The fetish, the femdom and even the countless hours of practice to get better with chicks. I am a very shy and introvert guy by nature, but I after +- 5 years of more or less nonestop practicing I became pretty good with chicks. In the beginning I found it really difficult to cope with the fact that I experienced ED every time I had the girl I wanted in my bed. I devoted a lot of my time to lose the shyness and become confident with chicks, and when I finally had the girls I wanted in my bed, my dick wasn't cooperating.

    The positive thing from all this is that I am extremely motivated to complete this challenge. I really want to lose my porn addiction, I want to lose my porn induced ED and I can't wait to enjoy my life a bit more :)
    So thanks again for the support CJ, it helps to know that people with the same experience are watching :)
     
  20. Nickolas Duval

    Nickolas Duval Rebooted!

    Re: Journal of Nickolas Duval.

    Day 11: 24 - 08 - 2012
    Yesterday I was curious if I was still 'flatlining', but I think I am. I could copy paste the following comment, because today my dick seemed dead again. There was one moment I had a spontanious erection. This didn't last very long and I didn't experience urges. At some moments I catch myself thinking that it would be kinda nice to masterbate, but I immediatly change my thoughts.
    This flatline is kind of annoying, but i guess the bright side is that it makes my reboot easier ;)
    I am very happy that I have completer day 11. Three more day's for my second milestone!
     

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