Journal of my journey--partial success!!

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by bandoda, Oct 15, 2017.

  1. bandoda

    bandoda New Member

    I am a 31 year old guy, I discovered sexuality by women near by place and hot shows in tv. My first M was a surprise but then gradually I developed a habit of MO in prone positions. Until recently I couldn't even use my hand for MO, which came with some practice.

    I used to MO using imagination at my boyhood days. In college I discovered porn, and soon after internet porn. I developed a fetish for hardcore stuff (gangbang, dominance, threesome, interracial) and eventually it turned out that is the only porn I am watching. I think since age 20-31 I am used PMO using hardcore stuff.

    Now I have a girl in my life since age 29, and we can't meet often due to being in long distance relationship. However when I first got a chance to have sex with her I realized I am not able to penetrate her for two reasons
    a) My erections are not hard enough for long time
    b) She is too tight (even for 1 finger)

    After several attempts of failed penetration the pressure and anxiety mounted on me. One major problem was each time we met maximum for few days, and then a long gap till the next meeting. So I felt it was making things weird.

    However at some point I decided to see a doctor. The doctor being a very commercial one, suggested me to go for PRP injection and circumcision. I have gone through a blood, hormone and seamen test, all being normal. The doctor gave me medications too for daily intake. Some supplements and some form of tadalafil. Again I took the medication for 20 days or so before I got a chance to meet her, where again the penetration attempt failed. I was like 80% hard, but that was not good enough.

    In the meantime my father in law (yes we also got married in between) came to know about the problem and gave me some homeopathic medicine (really supportive :)), which I haven't consumed yet.

    I realized my problem of getting a strong 100% erection is due to porn. As the usual case of PIED, I have been exercising PMO for 10 years almost and it seems very plausible to me that my case is of PIED. Thats why all my tests are normal and the medication seems to be not doing great. I have most of the typical signatures of PIED.

    Also I used to super active in my younger days (ran marathon. climbed mountains) but now my lifestyle got very sedentary and gained lots of weight, that is also certainly a contributing reason in the whole problem.

    However I do believe the inability to penetrate also have to do with her tight vagina, and I guess we need to work on that before trying penetration next time. But for time being I decided to do something about my possible PIED. I am committing to the challenge of 90 days no-PMO. Today is the 5th day of the challenge, I found myself occasionally glancing at my go-to porn(pictures) but didnt go towards MO. I hope I can make it and in the process get the desired and enjoyable sex. I also stopped the medicine in my no-PMO phase, as I found myself one night unable to sleep well by thinking about porn after taking the medicine.

    I must commit my wife is very understanding, although she is getting upset and making me tensed (and loose my morale) time to time for a perfectly understandable. Still overall she is with me and willing to help me. I love her a lot, and I am committed to do whatever it takes to make her happy.

    As I said today is day 5 of my challenge, and I decided to journal my journey in order to stay motivated. Today is also day 4 of my challenge to get fit. I am 5'3'' and 86 kg now, my goal is to be 75 kg by December end (75 days from now) and continue with the no-PMO till then atleast.

    I commit to write my progress atleast once a week or whenever I fail.
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2017
    mailboxsam likes this.
  2. bandoda

    bandoda New Member

    Update on day 7...MO successful....most of the day didnt feel any urge...but glanced at P for 10 seconds just now. Felling bad about it. I am not resetting my count as I was able to control myself before getting any excitement.
    It seems the problem is not MO but the P. I have to try hard again to not look at P again, if I do I will keep a separate counter.

    managed to workout in all these days.
    mailboxsam likes this.
  3. bandoda

    bandoda New Member

    glanced at P again. :/ --I guess this is going to be the next challenge now.

    New counter:
    no-PMO- 9 days;
    Glancing at P once a day- 0
  4. bandoda

    bandoda New Member

    seems to be in a flatline - almost feeling no urge at all

    no-PMO-11 days

    no P glancing-2 days
  5. bandoda

    bandoda New Member

    relapsed on some softcore material after 15 days

    all counters set to zero

    I felt good in the middle, the relapse was triggered by a sex chat with my wife. Will continue longer (hopefully this time).
    mailboxsam likes this.
  6. bandoda

    bandoda New Member

    no pmo day 3
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  7. mailboxsam

    mailboxsam Member

    Hang in there
    bandoda likes this.
  8. bandoda

    bandoda New Member

    MO d after 7 days ...triggered by a webcam chat with my wife.

    Good part that there was no P involved, bad part is I have to restart all counters.
  9. bandoda

    bandoda New Member

    Ok, so I have a semi-success story. Couldn't write for a while but now I think it is a good time to sum up the days in between and look ahead for further improvement. In the meantime lots of up-downs happened in our relationship, which I am not adding here to keep the post relevant on the problem of PIED. While these ups and downs are not important, but I think it made my mind turbulent and thus difficult to focus on these problems but at the same time these ups and downs made me more determined to save the relationship and thus might have helped the journey inside my brain.

    So here is the journal:
    Since the time I started this journey, I was able to go on and off on PMO, longest stint was 14 days and then there was 2-3 to mat 5 days stint.
    The semi-success story was in the front that I could have sex (PIV) for the first time when I met my wife this time, 2-3 times everyday for 4 day!!
    Why is it semi- because I was taking 5 mg of EDsave daily (stopped for couple of days when I was with her). But previously the EDsave didnt work, so it must be a combination of EDsave and no PMO.

    However after I came back I started PMO ing a bit more (not like before but still more than what I was doing for last month).

    So now the challenge is to have sex without any medication. I stopped the medicines for now, getting a weak morning wood. I am restarting my journal of no PMO from tomorrow (did it already today).

    Overall I am happy with the progress.

    p.s. I am 81 kg now, I used to be 86 when I started this thread 40 days ago :).
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2017
  10. bandoda

    bandoda New Member

    Thanks for encouragement.

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