Journal of iHaveSeenEvil -PIED cured, new girlfriend, new life.

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by iHaveSeenEvil, Sep 18, 2013.

  1. iHaveSeenEvil

    iHaveSeenEvil Do it for her, the mother of my children.

    Re: Journal of iHaveSeenEvil

    They're getting pretty legit.

    First time fooling around was weak.
    Second time was a bit better.
    Third time I was hard enough to have sex for a few minutes on two occasions.
    Fourth time I was able to fuck her even longer.
    And the last two times I stayed hard the entire time until I needed to pull out to come.
    It did drop to maybe a 70-80% for a brief moment when she was on top, but it caused zero issues.
    But for lack of better wording, I am meow able to fuck the hell outta my girl.

    It has been a very linear progression of getting better erections with Lyss.
    I swear rewiring is the fucking key to recovery.
    Abstinence or rebooting is a must, but rewiring has given me the most substantial help.

    Chammorrow and Mr. Tony,
    Thank you so much guys!
    I really am making significant progress and I feel amazing with my ED issues rapidity fading and having so much time away from porn!
    I'm trying to keep this positive streak going.
    Hugs for all!
  2. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Re: Journal of iHaveSeenEvil

    Awesome. I think rewiring is the key as well man.
  3. iHaveSeenEvil

    iHaveSeenEvil Do it for her, the mother of my children.

    Re: Journal of iHaveSeenEvil

    Day 55.

    Lyss is pretty much the best thing that could have happened to me.
    A new leaf in my paradigms have shifted because of her.
    She makes me so fucking happy.

    As I said, her and I kiss a lot. Like a lot.
    Tonight I got a bunch of semis/full erections from just kissing her.
    It feels more amazing than I can explain.
  4. Jakovasaur_2019

    Jakovasaur_2019 Life is like a game of chess.

    Re: Journal of iHaveSeenEvil

    Congrats, soldier.

    You have come a long way. From sadness and depression, to the breakthrough.

    Keep it up. I'll be joining you soon.
  5. iHaveSeenEvil

    iHaveSeenEvil Do it for her, the mother of my children.

    Re: Journal of iHaveSeenEvil

    Day 57.

    Mr. Tony,
    Thanks man.
    This has been by all accounts one hell of a journey.
    Nothing about it has been fun, but I can't explain how nice it is feeling the light at the end of the tunnel.
    I know you'll make it here too.

    Went to a nice sushi place last night.
    Was pretty clutch.
    I've been chilled out lately and I feel like I've been able to enjoy life.
    My anxiety and depression are definitely fading away.
    At this point I do feel like depression is something I'm going to be battling my whole life, seeing as it's been chronic since before I was even a teenager.
    Life is starting to feel like it's not so meaningless.
    I feel a bit more connected to the world.
    Feeling disconnected from everything, including myself, was the worst shit imaginable.
    Like a nightmare come to life.

    Lyss is sleeping over tonight so I'm wicked excited ^.^
  6. iHaveSeenEvil

    iHaveSeenEvil Do it for her, the mother of my children.

    Re: Journal of iHaveSeenEvil

    Day 58.

    I had successful sex with Lyss 3 more times.

    She slept over last night and I fucked her for an entire hour, from like 1:00 am til 2:15 am.
    I really fucked her hard too, I was goddamn exhausted afterwards.
    After a few of the bursts where I put my 100% physical capabilities to fuck her as hard as I could I fell soft a slight bit and pulled out to take a short breather, but my erections came back almost immediately when I would touch her and kiss her and I was able to fuck her again with a 100% hard on.
    She jerked me off to climax at the end of it which felt amazing.

    This morning when we both woke up we started kissing right away and I fucked her again with a 100% erection that lasted the entire time through sex.
    I was able to put a condom on as well and come inside her.
    The condom didn't cause any issues with my erection strength.
    We both fell back asleep afterwards.

    When we woke back up we started fucking almost immediately again.
    Same thing as before, 100% erection the whole time and finished inside her with a condom.
    We swapped positions a few times too.
    Zero erection issues.

    I'm probably going to write a success story sometime in the next month.
    Life is wonderful.
  7. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Re: Journal of iHaveSeenEvil

    Man thats so good. Must feel amazing having a gf your into, having great sex and overcoming ED.

    Been a long time coming for you. Cant wait to experience it myself.
  8. Jakovasaur_2019

    Jakovasaur_2019 Life is like a game of chess.

    Re: Journal of iHaveSeenEvil

    Been a long time coming I bet.

    Keep up the good work!!
  9. iHaveSeenEvil

    iHaveSeenEvil Do it for her, the mother of my children.

    Day 60.

    I must admit, it feels pretty weird not feeling suicidal.
    Feeling indefinite happiness and calmness is weird as shit.
    Cognitive dissonance is having its spasms.
    It's a constant reminder that I'm feeling better though.

    Life has been much more free and liberating.
    Everything feels much more beautiful.

    I can totally get used to this. :)
  10. iHaveSeenEvil

    iHaveSeenEvil Do it for her, the mother of my children.

    Day 62.

    Lyss is away on a cruise for a week!
    With no phone service!
    What the hell am I to do with myself?

    I've been chillin with my buddy Daly.
    He's been one of the most important things that happened to me this year.
    Completely perfect friend.
    Met him through work.

    So I got Lyss and Daly in my life, and life has been feeling better.
    I never realized how poorly I was treated by people before until I actually hung out with good people.

    It's much better than hanging out with heroin junkies who don't give a fuck about me.
    These two people are unconditionally supportive and on lift me up.
    I'm counting my blessings ^.^
  11. Original Jeff

    Original Jeff Don't settle for a quick-fix; unravel the layers.

    SO happy for you, buddy!!

    Firstly, sorry I've been so inactive on this forum. I feel I need it less and less. I had the same thing when I started rewiring with Selena. It's awesome how quickly erections improve, isn't it!?

    My advice to you now is to stop recording and analysing your erections. They will improve, just enjoy it! Also, try to find the balance between being head-over-heels for this wonderful girl and keeping your head on. You wouldn't want for something to go wrong and for you to get your old feelings back again! You've come a LONG way! Keep it that way :D

    Well done again man, I am literally so happy for you right now I could scream! Haha :D
  12. tdctdc

    tdctdc Guest

    I'm envious man!!

    By the way, how are you such a badass with women? I mean you had so many cuddle buddies and shit who would just kiss all day with you. WTF?

    I read most of your story, and it got me so fucking excited for the future. I'm a virgin and NEVER had a girlfriend, I'm 23 years old.... Never even kissed a girl, except for one time in high school at a house party where me and a few other people were rolling, she fucking grabbed me and started making out hard with me using her tongue and everything. For some reason, I feared sex and putting myself out there. I still felt unconfident even after that. The next morning, she and her friend layed next to me and it is quite obvious thinking back now, that they wanted to fool around or make out. I was completely oblivious at the time, and just layed there talking about the previous This was like 7 years ago.

    But I plan on making big huge changes. I'M 110% DETERMINED.

    Seriously though, I'm just so damn curious now, what type of guy are you... How old are you? Where do you live? Are you a hipster? Frat guy? What type of music are you into?

    don't worry I'm not a stalker, I've just gotten pretty emotionally invested in your entire story, especially when everything started becoming fucking amazing and perfect, and I want to know what exactly the main character of this story is like!
  13. iHaveSeenEvil

    iHaveSeenEvil Do it for her, the mother of my children.

    Day 70.

    Thanks for the support man!
    You've been one of the biggest contributors to my success so I send out an infinite thank you for everything you've done!
    My erections came back a lot faster than I thought they would.
    I also am not really worrying about them too much anymore.
    Sure, I still worry, it's not like I got out of the ED nightmare with no mental scarring, lol.
    While I feel as though I'm deeply falling for Lyss I am able to not attach every single emotion of mine into her.
    It feels very healthy and I feel stable in it, which is what I want in a relationship.

    Haha, thanks for that badass compliment!
    I have an extremely flirtatious personality but I come off as asexual for the most part, it's hard to explain.
    I guess you can kinda relate it to the same way how a flamboyant gay has a lot of female friends that he's touchy/flirty with.
    My conversations can be extremely dirty, offensive, and crude, but I come off as a very safe and fun person.
    So a lot of the times girls feel very comfortable with me and I have a super cuddly vibe which they usually seem to admire.
    A lot of people mistake me for being gay or bisexual. Not like a super large amount, but it does happen rather often.
    Or they insist that I'm gay and that I don't know it.

    I am going to turn 25 next month, I live around the Philadelphia area and I would say I'm more of an alternative looking guy.
    I weigh between 140-145 pounds, and have a lean body despite how much goddamn alcohol I drink.
    I have a lip and tongue piercing (Hello Kitty piece on my tongue!), 5 earrings, and I used to have my eyebrow pierced but it got ripped out.
    No tattoos surprisingly.
    I wear a lot of skinny/girl jeans and evil looking t-shirts. Lots of blood, gore, skeletons, anti-religious, shit like that on it.
    My hair is shaved on the sides and I have it longer on top which I use product in to push it up.
    Not like a mohawk, though.
    So essentially I look like a mix between a metal head, goth, and hipster. Lol. Not so much the goth though.
    I listen to either extremely heavy metal, like death metal, deathcore, and that shit.
    Other than that I listen to a lot of indie music.
    Cradle of Filth, Emmure, Whitechapel, and Daughter are my favorite bands, if that says anything.
    I'm huge into the night life/party scene and liked to get fucked up a lot.
    I got to a lot of bars, parties, concerts and such.
    I have a lot of mental health issues, but them aside unusually have a lot of fun and socialize all the time.

    I would say confidence had a pretty quick curve with acquiring.
    For me it took me only a handful of times with girls to realize I had it in me to catch their fancy.
    It seems anxiety provoking at first, but it becomes very fun ^.^
  14. tdctdc

    tdctdc Guest

    Awesome man. You seem like a chill guy.

    Heres to you and Lyss (cute name)..
    and heres to me and my future (hopefully) girlfriend.
    I'm a virgin adn 23 years old. I don't think I hae PIED, because I can get hard without porn with just sensation pretty easily, but I'm just a bit anxious about jizzing upon penetration because that would be a bit embarassing. How long did you last your first time?

    Oh yea and I used to listen to Atreyu when I was younger and Avenged Sevenfold, but that was like around 2004 and when they were actually good. I've heard Cradle of Filth back then too, but couldn't get into it. But honestly I wasn't super into metal, etc. Just those two bands I thought were musically interesting (I'm a composer).

  15. King of ED

    King of ED New Member

    Read your posts. You a hero, im at day 33 and this is inspiring me a lot. Thank you for being so open and sharing your story.

    The best of luck!
  16. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Great stuff mate. Sounds like you have a nice thing going with your girl.
  17. iHaveSeenEvil

    iHaveSeenEvil Do it for her, the mother of my children.

    Day 72.

    I lost my virginity a little more than eight years ago so I can't entirely remember how long I lasted.
    I remember I wasn't really concerned about it though.
    It was in a tech room of my high school so I was also slightly paranoid someone was gonna walk in cause I would've been suspended/expelled, lol.
    I never had any PE, DE, or ED issues with my first girlfriend.

    Yeah I really turned my attitude around really fast.
    My ED issues and loneliness were taking a brutal toll on my mental health.
    Probably way more than they should have.
    I'm glad you're able to take some tips and advice from me!
    Makes me happy :)

    King of ED and gameover,
    Thanks for the kind words and support!
    My girl and I are doing great!

    So unfortunately I had some issues getting hard for Lyss this morning.
    She's on her period so last night and earlier this morning she blew me which I was 100% for.
    My DE issues seem to be clearing up!
    I was also pretty damn hard for a majority of us cuddling and kissing.
    She went to the bathroom to take out her tampon and I went soft while she left and just couldn't get hard again.
    While it was really disappointing, she was totally cool with it and I used my fingers on her for a while.
    Got some blood all over my sheets but I'm cool with that shit :p
    We took a shower afterwards and I got fully hard for a few seconds but that was it.
    Oh well, gotta expect some of that to happen.
    It's been working pretty perfectly recently so I'm not worried about this incident.
    I was getting some response throughout today when I kissed her so I'm not concerned.
    It's one failure out of like 12 sexual encounters with her.
    Fuck it :)

    I have solid proof that I'm recovering and I'm predominantly having perfect erections for successful sex to orgasm in different positions so I refuse to be pessimistic about this.
  18. Congrats dude, I remember seeing a few of your posts back when I was still recovering during my reboot! Way to go, its just more proof that anyone can recover if they follow through and abstain, as you've seen for yourself. Don't worry about your erections 99% of the time they'll work flawlessly but were all human and sometimes your body just doesn't respond for whatever reason just don't sweat it. As time goes on you'll stop worrying/documenting your erection quality and you'll eventually totally stop thinking about it at all. Once again Congrats!
  19. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Yea good attitude. Even if you stayed at that 95% success rate for the rest of your life it still wouldn't matter because how frequently it does work lots of other things besides porn can give you a loss of erection like plain old tiredness.
  20. iHaveSeenEvil

    iHaveSeenEvil Do it for her, the mother of my children.

    Tryingtogoback and gameover,
    Thanks for the support guys :)
    I have no clue what the issue was. I was all 100% ready for anything until she left and came back.
    100%'ed two amazing blow jobs to orgasm before this too.
    I was so ready to penetrate her, she just had to take her tampon out.
    It just like entirely shitted out after I was hard for like an hour.
    I wasn't even nervous thinking about in when she left.
    And no I'm not grossed out by period blood so I can't blame that.
    I was super horny and then it just shut the fuck off.
    Most of us are familiar with that ED part that suddenly comes on through sudden termination of horniness and erection loss, despite it having just been there.
    I felt bad cause she really, really wanted to fuck, but as I said she was totally cool with it.
    I tried for like 10 minutes to get myself going but the erections I managed just kinda fell soft.
    It seemed useless to keep trying and stressing myself out was doing no good especially since there was no pressure so I let it go and just focused on pleasuring her.

    It didn't feel like performance anxiety until after my dick wasn't responding, then I felt kinda anxious.
    I suppose these dents in performance will iron themselves out as time goes on.
    I'm so blessed and fortunate enough to have consistent daily rewiring so I'm certain it'll happen.
    "Perfect" doesn't even begin to describe how amazing she is.
    Today we chilled at my buddy Daly's house, went to a park, massive arcade, cheesesteak shop, and an alternative bar where we shot some pool.
    It felt so nice just having fun, holding hands, hugging, kissing, and enjoying each other's company the entire day we were out having fun.
    Her and I are pretty much touching each other in some way at all times when we hang out.
    We are always holding hands or hugging or hanging on one another in some way.
    We also kiss all the fucking time, so yeah we're kinda that overly affectionate PDA couple, but it feels so goddamn nice.
    Daly also gives zero fucks when we do this.
    He literally just doesn't fucking care. Which works out well, lol.
    We'll put a movie on and Lyss and I will focus most our attention into making out and he couldn't give a shit.
    I asked him early on if it bothers him and he fully encouraged this behavior lol.
    We don't third wheel him at all, so it all works out.
    Lyss and I are just very flirty with each other.
    If this 10/10 girl doesn't rewire me then nothing will :p
    Oh and she definitely has been!

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