Re: Journal of iHaveSeenEvil - start of 90 days Lol, I am treating this like it is life or death. There is no way in fuck I will ever look at porn again. I'm actually worried relapsing might trigger even stronger suicidal thoughts so I am definitely just going to suffer these cravings out. This whole world feels suicidal. My roommate texted me, so I went up to her room and she was sitting on her bed crying hysterically with a knife in her lap saying she was going to kill herself. I talked to her for a while and she is going to go to the hospital later today. I took the knife from her and hid it, so I'm just checking back and forth making sure nothing happens. I have to write a fucking paper due for class tomorrow and I just can't deal with it today. I'm gonna turn in the biggest piece of shit writing I am capable of. I also missed most of my classes today due to severe depression. This is not helping me feel any better. This city is cold, damp, and lonely. The two girls I kinda like are fucking crazy. Odds are I wouldn't be able to fuck them anyways, so what does it even matter? The one girl is being distant now. She had never expressed any interest in me in a romantic kind of way, but now she is treating me as though I'm some piece of shit boyfriend because I forgot about small plans. Saying I never notice when she is upset, about how I don't truly care about her, saying I don't pay enough attention to her, and other shit like that. And in reality, I try very hard with her. I see her all the time and am always very nice and caring. This is a bloody nightmare.