[Journal] My journey to a better life.

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by Journal, May 2, 2014.

  1. Journal

    Journal New Member

    Hello, my name is Journal.

    I've been addicted to porn for as long as I can remember, it's about time I stop suppressing my feelings and find out who I truly am.

    This addiction has locked away every aspects of me that I'm proud of, preventing me from finding happiness and leaving me with guilt and anxiety.
    I'm tired of being this sad person. I want to be able to share the happiness and joy, I know I have at heart.

    Trigger handling:

    Can't fall asleep: ?

    Taking a nap: Leave you're phone in you're car, this will force you to dress and walk outside to grab it.

    Lack of stimuli: Stop surfing the web and accept that you lack dopamine. (Try to enjoy the rewiring)

    Having a strong urge: Hold a ball (or a pair of folded socks) in each hand and wait for it to pass. (flexing some muscles will effectively get rid of boner)


    What will happen if I relapse: First I will get very disappointed, enhancing the risk of me relapsing even further.
    If I binge hard: I will look back and wonder: how could I waste all my progress.

    It's about time I stop wasting my time with this filth!
     
  2. Journal

    Journal New Member

    A fresh new start

    As I just started college I feel it's a great time to start again.

    Short time goals:

    Being more active here (Making this streak more official to my self)

    Beating my old record of 8 days without PMO.
     
  3. Journal

    Journal New Member

    Trouble going to sleep.

    Even tho I have no cravings I feel like somethings missing.

    When I was younger bed time always brought up anxiety. I used to stay up late trying to make the last hours count, knowing the agony of tomorrow.

    Perhaps meditation is a suitable replacement.

    But that's for tomorrow, writing this has made me sleepy.

    I wonder why I keep writing as if it all rhymed
     
  4. Journal

    Journal New Member

    Well I have binged.
    Being home sick for two weeks can do that to you. :-\

    I was planning to start my new streak on Monday the 15th (What better way to start a new streak then on the first day of the week).

    ..wait a minute..

    procrastination?
    Fuck that shit, I'm starting today.



    Short time goals:
    - Reset counter (Cause im going to sleep).
    - Fix this post up a bit.

    Tomorrow:
    - Change bed sheets. (New streak, new sheets).
    - Clean up spilled oats meal. (God damn, I'm clumsy)
    - General cleaning.
    - Watch this shit again: Porn Addiction (Part 1 of 6)
    -

    General goals:
    Make this streak more meaningful by being more active on the forum.


    And of to bed
    Good night fellow fapstronauts
     
  5. Journal

    Journal New Member

    24 hours clean and still good.

    Unfortunately I haven't been been reaching my goals for today. However it doesn't really matter tho since I've been mostly outside.

    Hardest part of the day remains, bed time.

    Good night
     
  6. Journal

    Journal New Member

    Stupid, stupid stupid...

    Almost reaching 3 days and I failed again.



    Most important rule: When ever you get the urge to look something mild up or something new, Just don't it always leads to failure.
    Resist while you still can

    Besides edging is a stupid idea to begin with.

    Well well...
    Lets carry on.

    Tuesday 18'th September 12:00 ->
     
  7. Journal

    Journal New Member

    Back at it again, have been in a relationship for years since my last post. It was going alright, occasionally I watched porn while she was away or working late. This usually happened once a week or less. However lately I have started masturbating more often and now it's just as bad as it used to be.

    I have tried multiple times to setup my counter and start over. But once the next day comes it's as if I'm a different person and don't care or think about it.

    I've failed so many times, that it feels hopeless.

    All in all I have been feeling quite depressed lately, which may affect my motivation.
     
  8. Journal

    Journal New Member

    Sunday 29'th September 02:00 ->
     

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