Journal for mutual support 3.0

Yesterday the girl I'm dating invited me to her house... Since I had already declined an invitation last Saturday I assumed I basically had to go or else she would stop caring altogether, so I accepted.

The whole thing was fine until we actually got to bed. Just like expected, my accursed dick wouldn't go up. I kinda got it up and managed to perform some penetration, but felt like I was about to blast it nearly instantly and stopped, and from there it wouldn't go "in" anymore. So yeah, it sucked, and I even took a Viagra without her noticing. An absolute nightmare.

Right now I'm waiting to see if she texts me... If she doesn't I'll just assume she has had enough of me being a walking, talking disappointment.

 

My own problems with women are so messed up that I can't even get to this point where I could see how well I can perform or not. I'm actually "emotionally impotent" so to speak, before anything else.

But I can imagine how it sucks to be with a girl and can only half perform, and then resort to taking some kind of pill to try to make things work better. I would surely feel bad after that I imagine.

Ideally, you should try to communicate some of this with that girl, somehow. We've seen many guys on these forums write about how in order to feel relaxed enough to get over the hurdle to "perform", you need to be comfortable with that girl and all that stuff.

But it's easier said then done ...

 

I think I get what you mean. More often than not I feel "emotionally impotent" as well. A girl asks me on a date but I don't want to go (even though I've been feeling lonely all week) because I simply can't get my mind into it. It's like a mix of anxiety and severe apathy, at least for me. I'm sure it plays a big part in PIED as well. Not only my brain is craving porn way more than real sex, it's also difficult to feel horny when my mind is somewhere far away from the room, and deep inside I wished I was alone at home instead of having sex.

The girl seemed like she took it well, we talked and cuddled after the failed attempt to have sex, but I don't really know. At the very least I should stop jacking off to 2D women for a while before trying it again.

 

Fuck man - remember back in like 2012 days talking with you. I am back on here and basically going through the exact same thing. So hard to be confident in life with this. I believe we can get through this.

I hope you connect with this girl at an emotional level and she's there to support you through your rewiring. But your last line there waiting for the text and feeling like a disappointment is exactly how I feel today. Terrible. Try and tell yourself a positive or good thing about yourself each time that thought comes into your head. It's hard but it actually helps.

Check out my last post I just did in journals 20-24 (I am 29 now) but just wanted to keep it with my OG journal. I refuse to give up on it. Maybe you can relate to it.

 

Hey man, thanks for passing by. Always good to remember that we're not alone in this.

I see what you mean, if we let ourselves drown in frustration and sorrow, we'll just keep using PMO as a quick fix to it and never break the cycle. This thing feeds on itself, and will do so endlessly until we put an end to it. As for the girl, we've been texting on occasion but right now there isn't much to talk about. If I'm being honest, I feel defeated... After two failed attempts it's like I can't see myself having proper sex with her. It's pretty awful, really. I can't shake off the idea of "I'd just fail again, why even bother".

My journal is also on the 20-24 category, even though I'm over 30 right now, lol. Another grim reminder of how long I've been here. Anyway, apologies if my answer seems a bit depressing. I feel a bit better putting these thought on "paper" though, so I gotta thank you for it. Any time you need to talk, we'll be here!

 

Hi everyone!

As you can see I took a short break from the forun again. It wasn't really intentional, I just kinda forgot about it for a while, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I don't really know what day of no PMO this is but I haven't done in a while, probably around two weeks, which is good. Not much to say other than that. I'm dating this new girl but keeping my expectations low. I've been feeling strong urges for sex but it doesn't seem like it's going to happen too soon with her, so I'll probably end up looking for it somewhere else.

I can already see myself coming in here "Gee guys, I visited an escort again!"

 

Hello, Cid. Hope you're doing well. I remembered you from way back when.

 

Months later but hey, thanks for passing by! Hope you're doing well.

 

Felt like checking in today. In fact, I've been thinking about it for months now, but always end up forgetting for some reason or another.

I haven't been around this entire year. I hope everyone is doing well and moving forward with their lives, even if just one step at the time.

To be honest, the main reason I haven't checked in in so long is because almost nothing has changed. I think I did six months of no PMO without even trying, not even thinking about it. Since then I've relapsed a few times but I always get back on track, go a few weeks or months without it... See, it's the same old story.

I'm ok with that. Some things have happened and I'm changing my life for the better. I'm changing careers (I enjoy the one I currently have, but it's time to move on to something new), currently focusing on my professional life over everything else. I wish I had more to add but to make it short, I'm doing good. I'm walking the path I want to walk. And I sincerely hope all my friends and acquaintances from this forum are doing well too.

Another year is almost over. These last two years sure have been difficult but, again, I hope everyone is doing well. Hopefully I can hear from some of you soon enough.

 

That's great. Walking the path you want to walk - that's all we can hope for, right? Keep on going, Cid.

 

Nice to hear from you Cid, 'doing good' sounds good to me.
And being able to bust off some week/month-long no-PMO streaks without it feeling difficult is impressive by a lot of standards (even if not from the one you're viewing things from).

All the best for the rest of the year - hopefully next year brings the world a little further away from this madness.