Journal for mutual support 3.0

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by CidGuerreiro, Nov 12, 2012.

  1. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    I hadn't thought about it to be honest. This might actually be helpful since, just like you said, it's my own thoughts that keep me awake at night. My body is tired but my mind can't cool down.

    I'll look up and see if I can find something, thanks, @yearofchange , and thanks @CJJackson too, hope you guys are doing good this week :)
    CJJackson likes this.
  2. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Day ???

    I'm starting to sound like a broken record but I've visited an escort a few days ago. The prospect of seeing one is what pushed me through the relapse fest of the last few weeks, if I'm being quite honest.

    This girl who've I known from a few months ago showed up in the website, and since she's not always around I decided to go see her. She's really attractive and nice but it was awkward as hell.

    I think my expectations were too high. Escorts are a lot like pornography in that regard, they don't always live up to the expectation of the act... You get all fired up thinking about it but when you get there it's just "meh", and after you're done you're left with that feeling of "whatever". It's not always like that, but it happens.

    This escort in specific didn't seem particularly excited about being with me... Some escorts get so into me they give me their real names, phone numbers and social media, and I even had some asking me out after the act and sleeping with me for free... This one couldn't give less of a fuck though, lol. She said she'll let me know next time she's in town but I probably won't be seeing her again. I'd be lying if I said I don't enjoy the confidence boost from when an escort goes crazy about me... It's nice being appreciated, even if ultimately she's there for the money. I can tell the ones who like me from the ones who are nice simply because they have to be.
  3. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    How are you faring in other areas of your life?
  4. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Well I got my first formal job this year. That was probably the biggest change. It's the job that I had my eyes on back when I was still searching; it keeps me busy and and forces me to leave the house and interact with other human beings. It's also something I like to do so I'm not just sitting behind a desk, waiting for time to pass. My boss is a nice guy and my coworkers are very supportive, which I'm very grateful for.

    IMO there's nothing worse than being completely inactive, not working or studying. Those six months or so that I spent like that were pretty damn bad. Other than that I'm afraid there were no major changes. I'm exercising and (still) trying to fix my sleeping routine... Been doing a little better on that regard, but not by much. Right now my biggest issue is that I'm extremely antisocial, I pretty much only leave the house to go to work and hit the gym. That needs to change.
  5. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Day Zero

    Had a pretty ugly relapse last night. I kinda hate the last weeks of the year, they alwats get me anxious and depressed, so it's no surprise I'd turn to porn for a quick escape. Between December and February is usually the time of the year I become the most antisocial.

    Nothing to do but start over. Let's see if I can start a No Fap 2019 run... Hopefully I won't fuck it up within the first 24 hours.
  6. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Hey man, i'll join you for that. Nofap is the way to go, even though my brain convinces me otherwise. I gave in yesterday, and the brain fog, the cognitive slump and lack of energy/motivation is just not worth it. Here's to a better year *clink*
  7. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Hey buddy, appreciate the support.

    I'll be honest, I'm afraid of announcing a 2019 No Fap here on the forum and then failing instantly. Don't want to make any promises I can't keep. However it would be nice to have you guys join in or at least stick around to held me accountable. I think we all can benefit from knowing that others are still holding on.

    Edit: I also have to be honest and admit that this reluctance in starting a No Fap run is my addicted brain trying to talk me out of it, making sure I have less reasons to not cave in.
  8. CJJackson

    CJJackson Active Member

    I’m with you bro we can’t give up we’ve come too far. I have the fear of failure a lot as well. But as long as you have low numbers and relapses are further apart the. You’re succeeding! I just relapsed twice in a week for the first time in like six months but I told myself I’d cut it off there and get back to it. Good luck!
  9. Chammorrow

    Chammorrow Member

    Hey Cid, I am with you for the No Fap 2019. I had been doing pretty well in that regard, but the last two months have been brutal, and I have been pmoing every three to four days. Most of the time, it's not even my body craving it, but my mind. I need to have a fresh start and the new years always give me a that boost. Last year, I think I went on a 20+ run after the new year so hopefully I can find even more success this time.
    Lol ironically, one of the problems I have is that my mind plays tricks on me and says, "you should relapse all the way until the 31st so that you can start anew"
    I don't want to do that but it seems to always happen, this is the problem with setting dates where you start afresh. I did MO this morning, but not to porn..
    We will see what happens, but yeah man, lets do it.

    Also, congrats on the new job, and I'm glad to hear that its a good and supporting environment. Keep us posted man. Even I don't post often, I'm still lurking around haha
  10. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    All right guys, let's do it then!

    Honestly, I opened up the journal to write down some thoughts as I was having bad cravings (seems to happen around New Year's Eve, when I get more anxious and antisocial than normal) and I'm really glad to hear from you both and how you're feeling motivated with the idea. Knowing that it might help other people makes me more motivated as well.

    @CJJackson I agree completely, if the relapses are getting more distant from one another, that's definetely progress. Being too perfectionist about this whole thing only holds us down; improving our lives as a whole is much more important than simply reaching X amount of days clean.

    @Cham I was having that same thought, "do it while you can, you're gonna start a new run anyway". Obviously that would've been a terrible idea since PMOing only makes you crave more of it. I'm currently on Day 6, not feeling too good overall but I'll manage. Right now I'm trying to take it one day or one week at the time, it's easier than thinking about the long run.

    I'm not sure how this is going to work lol, but maybe we could use my journal as a group chat of sorts? It's a journal for "mutual" support after all. I feel like it would help a lot if we shared our struggles and successes, it's always good to remind ourselves that other people are going throrugh the same thing.
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2018
  11. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    Hi Cid, congratulations on building up to six days of sobriety. Do you have a set strategy for dealing with cravings at the moment?
  12. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Thanks, man.

    Right now my strategy is to keep busy and minimize the time I spend in my computer, while also doing it with the door open at all times. I'm also trying to focus on the day, I tell myself "I'll just do it one more day and tomorrow if it's too bad I'll MO". While I realize MOing can also be bad for the addicted mind (especially for people who deal with PIED), I firmly believe it's still much less harmful than edging for hours to hardcore porn before finally reaching O. I'd rather MO to relieve the tension and stay free of porn, than let it build up inside me until I go on autopilot and start looking at porn.

    I'm currently on a recess from work so I have a lot of free time. That can be bad, but I'll try and make something positive out of it.
  13. CJJackson

    CJJackson Active Member

    I’m all for it man just keep it in the day is the phrase my counselor uses when you start thinking long term and being perfect you get in your head and then all you can think about is PMO which makes you wanna do it even more lol. But yeah I think it’s normal this time of year to struggle a little holidays are great but can also be stressful. So just breathe and know that you can do this it’ll definitely be hard but also worth it good luck!
  14. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Day 7

    Goddamn, my no fap run took flight about as well as the Hindenburg. Felt cravings throughout the entire day, ultra sensitive down there, and at one point I even started searching for some X-rated stuff to see what I could find. Didn't start edging though, and closed it all before any major damage was done. While I was searching for stuff to give me a quick fix, I remembered you guys and thought about how stupid I'd look screwing up on day one, especially when I was the one who gave the idea of a no fap run. Having other people to held you accountable makes a whole world of difference.

    Still feeling a bit uneasy, but not as bad as before. I hope these cravings don't keep me awake at night (it has happened before).
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2019
  15. CJJackson

    CJJackson Active Member

    Wow you should consider that a major win every time I open the browser it’s pretty much game over it takes a lot of willpower and strength to not do it when you get to that point. Just try and keep busy and not be laying around all the time. I’m working on getting some new hobbies other than working out and playing video games when I’m not at work lol. Stay strong brother!
  16. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Hey CJ, thanks for passing by. I know what you mean, there were times when my brain would simply go on autopilot or "robot mode", start looking at porn and from there there was no turning back. Today I can handle it as long as I don't push my luck too much. That includes not browsing the internet late at night, that's my biggest trigger by far.

    I've been playing a lot of video games lately as well, probably a bit more than I should. Back when I was unemployed and just lazying around all day, I'd play for pure lack of better shit to do, I wasn't even enjoying it that much. Now that I have less time and more responsabilities I can enjoy my hobbies a lot more. As the saying goes, "an idle mind is devil's workshop". That goes double for addicts.
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2019
  17. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Day 10

    Feeling the urge to peek at porn, but still holding on. I'm not even horny, I just want to look at porn as a distraction from the overwhelming boredom of the last few days.

    I can feel the lack of social interaction bringing me down. I'm so bored, my brain keeps trying to push me into the one thing that could distract me from it: porn. I almost want to get back to work by now.
  18. xburnerphonex

    xburnerphonex Member

    Come on, man, you can do it! Keeping a New Years streak going is practical for the arithmetics of progress tracking at least, take it from me, lol
  19. CJJackson

    CJJackson Active Member

    I’ve been viewing the YouTube channel How To Beast. It’s a good distraction and it helps improve other areas of life like fitness style and how to attract real women. I’d recommend to anyone trying to kick porn from their life as it is quite motivating
  20. CJJackson

    CJJackson Active Member

    I’ve been viewing the YouTube channel How To Beast. It’s a good distraction and it helps improve other areas of life like fitness style and how to attract real women. I’d recommend to anyone trying to kick porn from their life as it is quite motivating

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