Holy fucking shit [LONG POST AHEAD] This week I visited 2 escorts in the span of 3 days. Saw one on the Thursday, then went back for another one today (Saturday). Here's what happened. I was felling extremely frustrated for not having any sex lately, so of course I took the easiest route to fix that. I went to my usual place without making an appointment through the website, so the "manager" (i.e. the pimp) had all the girls parade in front of me so I could pick one. That's when this 9/10 blonde walks past me, smiles and all, and I want to choose her but she wasn't available for the hour. I ended up choosing an 8/10 brunette, she was really nice and we had a lot of fun. However I couldn't stop thinking about the blonde, and they told me she was going to leave this weekend, so I went back there to see her before that. It was also a lot of fun, even though I had some performance issues. I'll be honest, I do feel a bit... I don't know, ashamed? You know that feeling after you relapse to porn, when you're no longer horny and realize how excessive your behaviour was? That's how I feel. Two escorts in three days is just... madness. Also being honest though, I can't say I regret it. In fact, I don't regret most of the 27 escorts I've been with to this day (I only regret the bad ones). I know this is a bad habit, and I do realize how privileged I am that I can just burn away money with dumb shit like that (with those two alone I spent the equivalent to 110 dollars), but I just can't bring myself to regret it or convince myself that it would be better for me not see any escorts anymore. I've had a bunch of amazing experiences that I wouldn't have had otherwise, since those 8's and 9's and even the occasional 10/10 wouldn't give me a second glance if I wasn't paying for their time. I often get a ton of compliments from them, like "omg you're so young and handsome, so fit, blah blah blah" and I can tell when they're being honest, believe me, it shows... Most of their customers are middle-aged men trying to get away from their shitty marriages, so of course I stand out among them... I even had multiple escorts bang me for free after I met them through their services, just because they actually wanted to spend time with me. More often than not it's just a massive boost to my ego when I go there, those two in particular were super flirty, both gave me their real names and instagrams so we could keep in touch. All that being said, I still have self-esteem issues most of the time, and paying for sex is how I get past all the shit that tests my confidence and go straight for what matters. It's faster and easier, and not to sound like a mysoginist or anything but right now sex is the only thing I'd be interested on anyway, so... Just cut the crap and get straight to it. Most women either bore me to death and/or aren't attractive enough for me to bother chasing them... Most quality women are taken and I'd rather just stay single than get into a relationship with a girl I don't like just for the sake of it. I probably don't have to say it but paying for escorts probably shaped/warped my views on dating... I'd love to have a steady girlfriend but pretty much gave up on finding one in my city. Anyway, I just felt like venting on the matter, and this is the only place I have to do so. As always I'm fully open to all opinions on the subject, even to those who disagree with what I'm doing.