Journal for mutual support 3.0

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by CidGuerreiro, Nov 12, 2012.

  1. 1234dyl

    1234dyl Active Member

    Good luck bro,, maybe try going for a period of no MO too to get a good run going?
     
  2. Chammorrow

    Chammorrow Member

    Good to hear from you Cid.

    I feel like I am in the same case with porn as you. My libido is inconsistent, and that makes it hard for me to plan things accordingly. Sometimes I can easily stay in bed with my phone on me and not worry about fapping the morning off, and then other mornings I can't stay off pornsites. I wonder if it is because we are transitioning in age or something..I mean sometimes I feel like my libido is as high as it was when I was 16, but then other times it's like I'm 55 and don't give a f about girls haha it's really something.
    Anyway, I hope that everything else in life is doing good.
    Keep up posted.
     
  3. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies, guys.

    Just now was feeling bored and depressed, edged a lot and finished off with MO not long after that. Not the first time it happens and not the first time I feel like I'd be bulshitting myself if I say that wasn't a relapse. I went well over a year without "PMO" in the strict sense but after that I slipped up pretty bad too. Edging out of boredom has always been a problem for me.

    With that I want to kickstart an update for my journal. I've never been one to make New Year's resolutions, but I will now. And they are:

    - Build up a huge counter for no porn and no eding to porn (starting from zero on 01/01/2018)
    - Go back to dance classes
    - Learn a new language
    - Get a job

    There, those are my objectives for 2018. Nothing too extraordinary. Would also include "start journaling more" as a secondary goal since journaling helps me to keep on track of my goals. I have a feel more things I'd like to accomplish but those are the main goals. I'm tired of sitting around, waiting for something exciting to happen. I feel like most people live like that, at least to some extent, and don't really work on their goals in a more conscious way. I want to change that, and I will.

    Hopefully this isn't just post-relapse motivation, but something I can keep on the long run.
     
    100DaysMission likes this.
  4. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    I can't seem to see my counter no matter what I do. Either way, this is Day 2 of no edging.

    Happy New Year to everyone here :)
     
  5. BruceWayne

    BruceWayne Building the life I want, day by day...

    Happy New Year to you too man. Glad to see you back journaling again. You’re one of the premier voices of reason here.
     
  6. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Bruce! You honor me :)

    I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I have been here for 5 years, hahaha (my God, it's been so long). But I guess it's important that I have made substantial progress. I'd like others to realize that even if this is a lifelong fight, it's not really about reaching a goal, it's about doing your best during the journey. There's not finishing line, or one might say that every day is a finishing line. And honestly that's even better than "X amount of time" clean.
     
    BruceWayne likes this.
  7. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    I've been having some real cravings these last few days, mostly out of boredom and anxiety, but I haven't edged to porn. As we all know, it doesn't take more than to keep my mind occupied with something else for me to forget the cravings, at least for the moment.

    This is why I always advocated in favour of blockers like K9. They save you from those 5 seconds of stupidity that cause you to peek at something, get triggered and then thrown back into Relapseville.
     
  8. BruceWayne

    BruceWayne Building the life I want, day by day...

    Blockers never worked for me. I would always find some obscure way to look at naked pictures or would just say fuck it and type in the password.
     
  9. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Those are 4 new year's resolutions, plus a fifth one. So I don't know how you work. For me if I tried to do that many new things at once I would definitely fail, but I do know some people who have strong enough conviction to say f it and start off like that and keep it going. Additionally, and this is just my opinion, I feel these goals are not clear enough to give you a plan of action you could start today. What dance? Where? How are you planning to get there? Can you fit it in the time? When does it start? For language, what language? How are you learning, a tutor, a book, an app, a site? How many minutes each day? Get a job, well, if you're just looking for something to get you off your feet then next step is clear, find jobs and apply. Start journaling more, again, what does more entail? once a week? twice a week? three times? four? How do you know when you're making progress on these goals? Do you have a quarter year reflection to assess how you're coming along? And that first one. All it takes is one P or one M and that resolution is gone. Then what? will you go into a vicious cycle of P and M cuz it doesn't matter anymore cuz you already did it once? and forget all the other ones too, cause if you can't do one resolution then why do any? But that's what would happen to me. This is my first time seeing your journal and for all I know you are one of those people with strong enough conviction and integrity to say no, and do no. Anyway, best of luck.
     
  10. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    @BruceWayne: well it is extremely important that the password is something impossible to me memorize, and is not readily available for you. Mine is kept in a flashdrive, I don't even have it anywhere in my PC. I have to get up to my wardrobe and retrieve it from there. It may sound like it doesn't make a difference but it does.

    @yearofchange: you do have a very valid point there. I appreciate your input. It is definetely better to have an actual plan than simply saying "I'm going to do X and Y". I haven't thought much about that to be quite honest with you, about how exactly am I going to do all those things.

    I have been working on a few (language, mostly) and I'm currently waiting to receive a certificate for a course I did abroad before I start applying for jobs, but that's pretty much it. I've been struggling all my life with lack of discipline and poor use of my time (i.e. procrastination). This is intimately connected to my addiction as I end up looking at porn out of boredom when I could be doing someting productive instead.

    I should definetely consider making a more detailed plan for this year. You are absolutely right about that.
     
  11. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Day ???

    Not much going on right now. I've been doing "ok" on my goal of No Peeking/No Edging, which means I slip up every now and then but don't fuck up too badly. I can feel the progress but there's room for improvement.

    I've been a little annoyed and frustrated, though I guess the proper word would be "lonely'. I've talk over a billion times about women in this journal, and how I try and not let these things become a problem for me. But it does frustrate me.

    I applied for a few jobs this week, currently waiting for a response from them. Not feeling very motivated for anything else, and that frustrates me as well.
     
  12. BruceWayne

    BruceWayne Building the life I want, day by day...

    I feel you about the whole women thing. I try to not base my happiness with how my love life is going but it’s difficult when society preaches that you be in a relationship or have casual sex from time to time.
     
  13. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    How's it going in the department of talking to girls Cid? And just a random question, are you weightlifting
     
  14. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    @BruceWayne Exactly, men have a lot of external pressure on that matter. You're considered a loser if you don't have an active sex life. Honestly, at least 50% of my drive to persue sex is to attend to this pressure. I know I shouldn't allow it to get under my skin but as you said this is easier said than done.

    @yearofchange To be honest I haven't been talking to women at all. That's not much of a problem for me depending on the situation, like a date or something like that, or even just talking normally to women in casual situations. I just can't cold approach women at parties and things like that. And I sure am lifting, hitting the gym 5 to 6 times a week with at least one day for cardio. Everything else is lifting weights. Diet is mostly protein with a slice of carbs and some good fats every now and then.

    Thanks for passing by, guys, your thoughts are always appreciated.
     
  15. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Day ???

    I've been doing much better at my goal of not peeking or edging. I think I did it once in the past three weeks. I can feel the difference in my libido and erections. I have morning woods almost every day. Porn is still somewhere in my mind but I'm having no significant urges to look at it.

    Other than that there is not much progress to report. The increased libido is almost a drawback when you're only sitting at home with little social contact. I'm getting sick and tired of relying on internet apps like Tinder to get dates, even though it actually works for me.

    I also visited an escort a few days ago, the second this year. It was ok, not an amazing experience or anything. After some time without sex I inevitably end up hiring an escort, which is why I would like a steady sex parner so much. I can't see myself dropping the hookers without that, not realistically.
     
  16. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Day Whatever

    I returned to the habit of taking cold showers after workouts. I know that 90% of what they say about cold showers is pure broscience, just like no fap turns you into a god with a 5-foot schlong within the span of three months, but whether it's a placebo or not taking a cold shower after hitting the gym (especially after cardio) makes me feel freakin' fantastic. All kinds of serotonin and shit flowing through my body and brain.

    Still not peeking or edging. Still not doing much else.
     
    100DaysMission likes this.
  17. yearofchange

    yearofchange Your actions matter.

    Cold showers are amazing dude. So refreshing!
     
  18. Moominsuperdodo

    Moominsuperdodo New Member

    Bro science is best science, keep it up mate and keep lifting!
     
  19. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    @yearofchange: indeed! It's hard to explain but taking a cold shower after the gym is incredibly energizing.

    @Moominsuperdodo: Lol I can't argue with that. And will do sir, lifting is the best thing ever, I can't see myself ever stopping it. As long as my body can move, it will lift!
     
  20. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Day ???

    Had significant cravings throughout the day. Sometimes they felt like real libido but there were porn cravings as well. I can easily tell when my body and mind are craving physical contact with a woman and when it's just a porn craving. I ended up edging one of these morning so that's probably a chaser effect.

    I think I'm having somd mild brain fog as well. Finding a bit hard to focus.

    I don't really have anything meaninful or profound to say, just felt like writing to focus on something else than the cravings.
     

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