Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by CidGuerreiro, Nov 12, 2012.
How did it go with the visit of that girl?
She'll be here tomorrow morning, wish me luck!
Good luck bud, let us know how it goes!
Hey, guys. So the girl finally came to visit and stayed about four days at my place. The short answer for how it went: it was nice. I thought it would be either wonderful or dreadful, but it was nice... just nice.
We spent all this time together and of course, we had sex a few times as well. Twice in the first day. I had minor issues with losing my erections (apparently I can have an erection easily now, but I can lose it easily as well) but nothing too bad. After nearly 2 years of sexual tension between us it was both awesome and a little weird to finally have sex with her.
After she left we texted and apparently we're breaking up. I know it sounds weird, or that it may look like we had a bad time together, but it's not like that. She left me a letter in my drawer telling me she loves me a lot and that I will always be "her love story". But the truth is that we live about 600 miles from each other, and neither of us is really looking for a relationship right now. Each of us has their own stuff going on in our respective lives. She's only 18 years old and has her whole life ahead of her, and I have a lot of lost time to make up for.
I told her I wouldn't want to have a long-distance relationship because we would both be "ghosts" to each other... I'd be a ghost boyfriend who isn't there to hold her, kiss her, spend time with her, have sex with her... all the things a BF is supposed to be. I'd do nothing but to keep her from being happy with someone else, and she would do the same to me. We would only feel lonely and insecure by the distance and fight every day over the internet... basically just the cons of a relationship and nothing of the pros.
Anyway, I really enjoyed having her here and finally having some time alone with her. If we don't hook up again in the future, these days we spent together will be a nice closure to our story. No loose ends, no "what ifs"... I hate walking away feeling like something was left incomplete or that we didn't even try (which has happened with a lot of girls), but this time the story had a nice ending. Now that I think of it, I'd hate to spoil that ending.
I'm a little emotional right now, both happy and sad, which is weird since I'm usually as sentimental as a sack of bricks. It brings a feeling of emptiness to see it end, but that's the way it should be. I'm very glad that we could end things on such a positive note, and maybe still be friends, even if our ways don't cross anymore. Even if we never meet again, we will always have those four days.
"Don't be sad that it ended, be happy that it happened".
Doing poorly at NOT looking at porn lately. This is obviously because I'm anxious for the next days. Hope everyone else is doing fine.
All right guys, this is it. I'll be travelling abroad for a few months for studies, and probably won't be checking this journal until I get back.
I've been doing a terrible job at not peeking and edging, but I think I can get away with it since now I'll be out of my comfort zone and won't have time and enough privacy to even peek at P. These will be a few months completely clean (I hope).
This is huge for me, not only because I've never crossed the ocean, but also because my old self would NEVER do something like this. I would never leave my routine, for I was enslaved to it. I'd often turn down invitations to hang out with friends and things like that just to not get out of the house, imagine going living in another country for a few months. That would be unthinkable. So as you can imagine this the biggest step out of my comfort zone I have ever given.
I'm not leaving forever, but once again I would like to thank everyone for their support and for listening for my ramblings every now and then.
All the best for your adventuring and studying Cid.
Wish you luck, and thanks for sharing your story so far!
Good luck Cid. Hope everything goes well on your trip.
Good luck man spread your wings!
Hello, everyone. I am back
I am glad to say that studying abroad was a fantastic experience for me. I learnt a lot, met a lot of amazing people, visited amazing places, I even had sex, lol (more details on that later). I do not regret it for a second, it was life-changing, I should note, however, that I do have good and not-so-good new from that trip.
The good news is that, like I said, the trip was awesome and helped me to shake off some of my 2016 depression. Seriously, that was an awful year for me. The not-so-good news is that during those three months I did edge to porn as a mean to escape boredom and anxiety, just like I used to do at home. I'm not sure whether or not I had a full blown PMO relapse (and my counter is gone for some reason?), but that doesn't really matter. I want to start a new counter for edging, for days completely clean of porn. Even if I wasn't orgasming to porn, I was using it as an escape, to flood my brain with dopamine and anesthetize myself. And that's damaging for me and my ED.
There's so much to tell, I don't even know where to beging. I'll leave it like that for now, maybe later I will write down my sexual experiences during that trip. Thank you everyone who checked this journal while I was gone, I hope you guys are doing ok.
Good to see ya again Im glad youre doing well, sum up your experience and let us know about it!
About "not so good news" - was that edging just one time thing or you did it often?
And woow... Ive just noticed that your journal has quarter million views
We can see your counter!
Good to hear from you, and that you had a great time As much as it's a slight shame you edged a little, really that is only a minor down-side to all the positives and growth you have experienced (providing you stick on the straight and narrow from here on in!).
Anyway, looking forward to hearing more, and glad you're well buddy!
@AyyLMAO: I'm afraid it was a regular thing for me, even before my trip. Many times I edged to the point of almost orgasming and then stopped. While I do fell that's not as damagin as fullu relapsing into porn, it's still pretty harmful and something I've been struggling to shake off.
@100DaysMission: yeah, I'm trying to not let that put me down or anything. It really is a minor thing. My major goal has always been to change my life as a whole and not simply "cut off the porn".
I will update you guys on the sex thing this evening! Thank you for commenting, guys!
Just realized today is 1 year without a full blown PMO relapse. I'd be happier if that run was cleaner, without all that peeking and edging, but it'll do for now
Weird week. I had sex with a girl from Tinder yesterday, it was nice but not extremely special. Not sure if I'll keep seeing her.
Then today I had a date with yet another girl from Tinder, one in which I was actually very into, but nothing happened. We had a nice talk for about two hours, hanged out in a library, then I gave her a ride home. No kiss, no nothing.
Not sure what happened. I didn't feel any "tension" between us, so I didn't made a move on her the whole "date". She's very young and maybe a little knaive, and the place didn't help. I don't know, maybe I'm just making excuses. It's not the first time something like that happens. Maybe she really just wanted to get to know me. Maybe I'll ask her out again and then I'll make a move, who knows.
I want to start a new counter for edging to porn. I'm still using it as an escape for boredom and frustration, even without full blown PMO relapses.
Weird day. I was thinking about seeing an escort, but my libido is not very high. I'm probably just bored.
Hey Cid, your counter is visible to me.
Are you using the forum on a smartphone?
How long did it take you to get rid of your ed completely? or you still have some problems with a new girl once in awhile? It's just not consistent with me at all, once it seems like it goes better and than the next time I can have full blown ED again. After a year of no pmo can you be confident you'll be able to have sex with a girl whenever you meet up? (even though maybe not a perfect erection)
@TheUnderdog: sometimes I can see my counter, sometimes not. But I can't seem to change it because I don't remember to which Google account it is connected to, I might have to make a new one from scratch. I also seem to log out of the forum after refreshing the page, not sure if that's just me?
@hopeforchange: that is a complicated question. My libido is a roller coaster: sometimes I'm burning with desire, sometimes I have a limp dick and absolutely no desire to have sex.
As far as erections go, it depends on two things: first, how long it's been since I peeked or edged. Those things screw me up really bad, I usually need at least a week completely clean to wear off the effects, sometimes more. The second thing is the woman I'm with. If she's cold and unresponsive, I lose my libido really fast. If she's willing and participative, and knows how to handle things down there, I usually don't have much problems. That's one reason why I became so fond of escorts, they're usually a lot more... assertive.
Sorry if that's now what you wanted to hear but yeah, my erections are still a bit inconsistent. My counter might seem impressive but I still mess up from time to time and that does hold me back a lot, even without a full blown PMO relapse. That's why I want to make a counter for peeking and edging.
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