Journal for mutual support 3.0

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by CidGuerreiro, Nov 12, 2012.

  1. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Had a wet dream for the first time in millenia.

    Nothing new to report, except that I'm working out like never before and I'm jacked as fuck, 6-pack and everything. Really proud of my consistency in diet and training, and more than happy with the results.

    I haven't been around because I feel like I'm over this forum. It helped me immensely... in fact, I wouldn't have made it this far without the forum and the people in it. I am truly thankful for stumbling upon it and for all the support I got in here.

    But you're only truly ready for the journey of your life when you have nowhere to go back to. Shit, I've been here for 2+ years, it's more than time to say goodbye. It's hard... it feels like leaving the safe house to face a zombie apocalypse. But it's necessary.

    Soon I'll be making my official retirement from Your Brain Rebalanced. Might even write a success story, though I'm not sure people actually read those.
     
  2. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Well done on getting in shape.

    And its good that you feel ready to move on from the forum its easy to become dependant on it and get trapped in a cycle as there are a lot of enablers on here who unconcously encourage relapses.

    But I wouldnt advise writing a success story unless you have actually got over porn.

    Thats the whole point of the forum and nothing grates me more on here than reading a supposed success story where the person hasnt had any success in recovery at all.

    I dont think read a success story where someone is patting themselves on the back for stepping outside their front door or picking up the phone to call a girl for the first time or crossing the road.

    I'm not saying thats you but many members on here write these kind of success stories that have nothing to do with pmo.
     
  3. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Oh no, I agree that we shouldn't banalize success. I'm not 100% over pmo (once an addict always an addict, I guess), which is precisely why I'm not sure about writing it. Though in the other hand, it would be a more realistic success story, and not the "I've become ripped, rich and a total women magnet because I've stopped masturbating" kind of story.

    Maybe if the forum was about recovery from depression I'd be more entitled to writing something. Either way, I've been a bit busy lately and writing huge texts in English drains me of my mental energy. Right now I'm getting ready to server the cord between me and this forum, so that I can walk away with a smile on my face.
     
  4. BruceWayne

    BruceWayne Building the life I want, day by day...

    Being over porn is part of it but the strides you've made in personal development is what's most important IMO. If you keep going in the right direction, I firmly believe the porn will eventually go away on it's own.

    Quality of life goes up = Porn use goes down.
     
  5. Chammorrow

    Chammorrow Member

    Hey Cid,

    Glad to see that you are progressing. You don't have a counter up but I can still tell that you are happy and content with where you at. There's comes a point when the numbers of days and so forth doesn't matter at all anymore and it's about knowing that you have tamed the addiction. Sometimes the addiction can get the better of us, but overall if we are the masters than we are 'healed'.

    Seems like you are ready to move on from the forum, that's good man, I think it's time, we both began here at around the same time. The journal is a good way to hold accountable but after a while it has served its purpose.
    I wish you the best of luck mate.
    In your life endeavors and in abstaining.
     
  6. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    @BruceWayne: couldn't agree more.

    @Chammorrow: thanks man. I totally agree. I felt that by counting days I was "abstaining from porn", which gives me the idea of something temporary. Kinda like a diet, you know. So I decided to remove my counter and just not care about it.

    Some may say that you're only healed if you never ever fall back to it (and they're right to some extent), but like I said I agree with you. As long as the addiction is under control and not hindering your progress as a human being, you're good. Sticking to that mindset has proven essential to my recovery.

    Last month was the first time in 2014 that I've relapsed more than the month before, but december is being very good.
     
  7. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Couldn't agree more.

    Being turned on by porn doesn't make us monsters. And masturbating doesn't make us worthless.

    We're not robots and it shouldn't be expected that we lead these perfectly clean lives. The cyber day and age we're living in is rampant with sexually stimulating content. Adjusting to it isn't easy, and trying to avoid it all together is damn near impossible.

    Set goals completely unrelated to porn and see them through. Do your best. Live your life.
     
  8. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Sooo, guess who's back nearly 1 year later?

    Ok, I'm not "back". Tbh I really just wanted a PMO counter. I've set a goal of 96 days, which will be kind of a special date to me next year, and I know that abusing porn until then will basically ruin it.

    I have no idea what's going on around here, lol. Is any of the guys I used to talk to still around? Anyway, this year has been kind of "meh". I've relapsed countless times (I still keep a spreadsheet), fell off the wagon with my depression a few times, but it's not that bad. Also had a few bad experiences with PIED, though I did got laid a lot more than any other year of my life.

    Anyway, I really feel like I need to get away from porn and simply resisting it hasn't been working for me lately. That's why I made a counter.

    I hope everyone is doing fine.
     
  9. BruceWayne

    BruceWayne Building the life I want, day by day...

    Nice to see you back Cid. Wish it was on better terms.

    Most people are still here to some degree.

    You'll get it back under control. This is just a bump in the road, that's all.
     
  10. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Thanks, BruceWayne!

    Had a fairly frustrating sexual encounter last night and ended up relapsing today out of spite + anxiety for some stuff I gott do tomorrow morning. It was day 16 of no PMO and I felt like the counter really helped me get here, so I'm keeping it.

    I think I'm gonna give myself some time away from sexual encounters. Had a bunch this year, so I'm totally over it, it's not really a big deal anymore. To be honest I don't really care much about it right now.

    It's weird. When we're making out or even talking I feel 100% into it, but as things escalates I start to feel distant, my mind wanders and I start having some ED. Did a bunch of testes not long ago so it's definetely emotional + PIED.

    Anyway, back on track immediately. I'm journaling to myself mostly but thanks to anyone reading it.
     
  11. Hey Cid! I guess it's good to hear from you again, although not so good that you're still struggling with porn addiction.
    Did you finish your career already? Have you had any girlfriend or any serious relationship this year? Why's the date you mentioned important (the one you set on your counter) if i may know lol?

    Anyways, good luck this time around.
     
  12. HOLY FUCKING SHIT CID I WAS JUST READING MY JOURNAL AND FOUND THIS YOU POSTED YEARS AGO

    WEVE WASTED 3 FUCKING YEARS WITH THIS SHIT

    THIS IS FUCKING DEPRESSING, QUICK MAN THE BATTLESTATIONS

    THIS IS MY LAST FUCKING CHANCE

    WE GOTTA GET THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW

    RIGHT FUCKING NOW

    NO MORE EVER AGAIN

    NO GOING BACK
     
  13. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
     
  14. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Yep. 3 years.
     
  15. Big Lebowski

    Big Lebowski Member

    Fucking mad time flys.
     
  16. porn eats time and the thing is one relapse can lead to months of relapsing and before you know it its ben 3 years like nothing

    well fuck this
     
  17. I can relate to this. Procrastinating the reboot is a big issue for me, but it never really gets easier, so postponing it is actually the worst you can do, as you actually get more addicted.
    I had way better streaks in 2012 and 2013 than 2014 until now. 2 years ago I became stuck into this addiction more seriously.
     
  18. same exact thing has happened with me

    you hit the nail on the head

    you have to have the porn is not an option mentality all the time imo

    from 2012 to now ive slowly become worse and worse

    especailly summer 2014 to now causefrom there on i was apathetic

    i was peeking all the time

    thers no going back, and theres no such thing as using in moderation or half quitting

    all ideas just lead to more and more porn use and the addiction becomes worse
     
  19. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Holy shit, so nice to see you guys again, David, gameover, General, BL... guess most of the old crew is still around to some extent.

    I hope everyone is doing fine. I'm currently resetting my counter because I "kinda" relapsed today. Edged to porn, then some time later I MO'd. Would feel a bit dishonest to just ignore it so I'm back for a fresh start. Made it to 38 days, my longest run in a while.

    2015 was a weird year for me but quite good overall. I've graduated, dated a LOT and had more sex than the rest of my life combined. Had some issues with PIED but I've noticed some significant improvement in my last sexual encounter (which was last saturday). Depression and anxiety have been very low and the addiction hasn't been much of an issue either. Except for the unreliable erections and low sensitivity, it barely bothers me.

    Last but not least, I overcame my sexual frustration. My lack of sexual encounters at age 25 was a big issue for me. It made me feel disqualified, like I was losing a very important part of my life (and I was). Seems like all I needed was a few wins to figure that one out. I still would like to have more encounters without any PIED but sex in general is no longer the most important thing in my life. It's a weird but comforting feeling.

    I've tried to install K9 on my phone but it did not work. Does anybody know a good porn blocker for Android? That would help me a lot! Well, that's it for now gentlemen. I wish you all luck in this journey. Very nice to see you guys again, even if the circumstances aren't all that great.
     
  20. WAY TO GO MOFO

    glad to hear things are going well for you

    a small relapse wont set you back just keep on going

    and glad to hear you dated a bunch

    GOTTA FUCK EM ALL

    till next time

    Generalisssimo Jack D Fapper
     

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