Journal - Failed Again

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Aussie_85, Feb 9, 2013.

  1. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Hey Aussie, saw you profile was deleted? Everything OK bro??
     
  2. Sammy3000

    Sammy3000 We are no longer the hollow men

    Aussie don't leave us hanging mate..

    And time is an illusion. There is no "this time" or "that time".

    It is always now.

    The way I've gotten this far in this journey by finally understanding this.
    Past and future don't matter because we only remember them or project unto them.

    We only have now.
     
  3. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Aussie dude I was involved with a girl my freshman year of college... She sounds eerily similar to sandy bro... In a relationship (hers was abusive), cute as a button, claims she liked me and wanted to be with me, cut herself.

    Dude, run away. As fast as you fucking can. The more emotion you invest in this girl the more of a nightmare it will be. Trust me.
     
  4. Sammy3000

    Sammy3000 We are no longer the hollow men

    Yeah that's what I was saying. Ever since my horrid experience I see a little bit of danger in the actions of every girl so in my advice I usually dial it back.

    Running away is probably a good call. Don't look back. Radio silence.
     
  5. Aussie_1985

    Aussie_1985 Guest

    It's me guys (obviously) I deleted my old account because I really got effected by the negative shit people kept feeding me,I won't use any names.anyway I've come up with a new recovery plan - no computer,no Skype on phone,no sandy - no women.women are in the future for me,all they do now is trigger me in various ways.ill be posting here way less - I'm on my phone now.i saw you guys posts and felt like I had to re register and just ignore any haters criticizing me,being judged or confronted really is an issue for me - giving me shit about relapsing and telling me to "man up" "this is the last time I'm posting here" does nothing for me.i know I'm screwing up and I come here to vent - if you don't like that then just don't even respond.i have to much to deal with than to be upset by being judged by people on here.i know I have a pretty good life,a nice house,I'm handsome - good family and good opportunity in life.BUT in my current depression that doesn't matter - I'm suffering a lot mentally,just because I have a nice house and shit doesn't make me immune to a mental disorder - my pain is real and it's crippling.girls should be the LAST thing in my mind at the moment.i booked a 6 day employment/job seeker course that starts on the 20th of Aug.my 28th b day is in 13 days.my goal ATM is to finish this course and have my license by the end of next month - and of course the most important thing stayin clean.sorry for not being around here much in the next month or so guys - really hit a point of having to take drastic action.having my iMac stored in my mothers room helped me get my 6 day run HEAPS - the only issue was feeling rejected by sandy,who I've said farewell to btw,but kept the door open for the future.anyway - be back in a few days or somthing to check in.just gonna keep soldiering on I guess.take it easy guys - peace.
     
  6. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Looks like we're both born in the same month.
     
  7. Aussie_1985

    Aussie_1985 Guest

    Just had to write about what happened to me today boys.Ages ago I posted about 'the Facebook chick.for those of you who haven't read about her,i used to hang out,we're good friends - I lived with my mate and her years ago - she's a 10 in my eyes,we got along really well.anyway skip forward 5 years and I formed a weird PMO addiction fueled obsession over her.id photoshop her Facebook pics,MO over them etc.tbh I MO'd over this chick hundreds and hundreds of times,with a very wide variety of strange 'rituals' and techniques.like having a pic of her on the screen at the same time of a close up pussy masturbation vid,fantasizing that its her vag etc.i think it (the obsession) kinda stemmed from the 'what could have been' factor.her and my mate broke up and she was pretty much keen as for me a few years ago but I bitched out because of my current issues.so anyway today - I was chillin - and got a random Txt from a random number saying "heyoooo it's Jayne" (FYI her real name isn't Jayne,note the unusual spelling of Jayne - this is why I thought 100% it was this chick) my heart rate literally went up.i stared at the text message for a good minute.so I wrote back "hey long time no speak,how's things" we texted back and forth like 6 times,then she asked what I do for work - I white lied lol,said I had been laboring (construction) - then she comes out with "oh so are you still going to school?" We'll,I havnt been in school for many years so I thought WTF - she said a few more things that didn't add up,I asked her who's number she thought mine was - and it wasn't me.lol,she has the exact same unusual spelling in her name as the Facebook chick - different last name (yes she gave it to me) - so yeah...fucking weird.ive never had a wrong number txt convo before - just think its kind of trippy.
     
  8. Aussie_1985

    Aussie_1985 Guest

    Massive urges - no motivation to work out.going to look around for some kind of sex therapy or in person support group - starting to doubt if I can do this on my own with no real world help.thr thing is I'm dealing with really bad depression,anxiety AND porn addiction. They all feed of one another.
     
  9. Aussie_1985

    Aussie_1985 Guest

    I fucked up.shouldve gone by my gutt instinct and ignited sandy as soon as she started giving me bad vibes.i worked out,felt really flat though - and dropped her a text - no reply.so I guess I blew it,sigh.heaos cut up at the moment,just gonna try forget about it and remind myself that she's just some Internet random - plenty of fish in the sea as they say.
     
  10. Re: FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

    bro, look at my signature, it's your only chance. Where all other help fails, there is one hope.
     
  11. Aussie_1985

    Aussie_1985 Guest

    If there is a god he forgot about me many years ago.
     
  12. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    The only person responsible for your success or failure is yourself
     
  13. Aussie_1985

    Aussie_1985 Guest

    No shit mate.
     
  14. DancerMan

    DancerMan Guest

    Dude!

    I have depression, anxiety and porn addiction too... Its a fucking struggle, I get it. It might not show here though. However for perspective and It is the first time I will be saying it here, a month ago I tried to kill myself...

    But I am moving on. And there is no way that I could have done it without the help of my family my GP and my psyche. There is NO shame in opening up to your folks about what you are going through and asking for help. I did and it was the best thing I ever did along with saying EVERYTHING to my GP and got a mental health plan which allows for free (depending on who you see) sessions with a psychologist. I didn't need the discount, but it certainly helped :)

    Of course you don't have to say everything to your folks, I didn't, but just enough for them to see that things are not right and give you the support you need.

    So just do it! :)

    If God exists in your life (even if you think he has given up on you) see it as a challenge he has set for you, to make you stronger. It is up to you to accept it.

    If not (like me), take responsibility for your own life and accept the card you have been dealt.
     
  15. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    You guys are simply wasting your breath and time giving advice here.

    Don't you already know?? Aussie isn't like anything you've ever seen before - we're dealing with a new form of life which is called a Biodriod -a rare special kind of machine that has been implanted with an advanced self sabotage device from the future, that our minds have never experienced let alone seen.

    Us mere mortals are light years away from truly understanding such a phenomenon - At this stage we are only aware that such technology can cause one to lash out at others trying to help, ignore critical advice, and force one to continue doing the same thing over and over again and make them wonder why they're in the same place. It's truly something we've never dealt with on this planet since human life appeared on earth 2.4 million years ago

    Human law don't even apply here; Not even God or Jesus has seen anything like this before, because they're just too stoopid to understand or care about such an advanced being.

    Only someone who the biodroid is yet to meet in the future, who can travel back in time and who has done 9999000 days no pmo - is capable of advising this new breed of life form on how to remove such a complicated self destructive device.
     
  16. Aussie_1985

    Aussie_1985 Guest

    Thanks bro - sorry to hear about your suicide attempt but glad that you got the help you needed! My family knows everything except for my porn addiction.there about as supportive as they could be,there's nothing else they or anyone else can do.its like...EVERYTHING becomes hard and like a task - going to an appointment,leaving the house for any reason etc.akrvkugh lately even though I've been relapsing heaps I'm really starting to feel more comfortable in public/out and about.i was speaking to one of my mates today - grew up with him,I miss him (no homo) and my other mates - it's been over a YEAR since I've seen ANY of my friends.your right bro it's hard to portray exactly what were going through on here and I'm the first yo admit I have a whinge - but that's just how I deal with it I guess.anyway my mate suggested I go to the gym with him - deffinatly a short term goal of mine to join the gym - really think it would be AWESOME for me in every way,pushing my comfort zone to the MAX.Also - whim the next few weeks I'm gonna grab a 6 pack and go catch up with my mates for a night.
     
  17. Aussie_1985

    Aussie_1985 Guest

    .

    Relax mate,jeez.
     
  18. Aussie_1985

    Aussie_1985 Guest

    I know you were only joking metal.the thing is man I'm really over this whole "well Aussies having a whinge and keeps relapsing,he didn't follow my instructions so I'm just going to belittle him in his own journal & state how ill no longer be talking to him".it really makes me feel unliked.dont take it personally guys - this is my thing I'm dealing with and you seem to be taking offense because I'm not bowing to your every command.self esteem is a big issue for me,I was pretty much never going to come back here after I deleted my old account.i feel hated again here like I'm the black sheep,I feel like stroking my fucked up cock for 6 hours to weird shit again.winder who the next person will be to give up on me,any takers.
     
  19. Aussie_1985

    Aussie_1985 Guest

    Truth is I came back here because I've got nowhere else to go.fuck I hate this shit,fucking hate it.
     
  20. Sammy3000

    Sammy3000 We are no longer the hollow men

    I'm going to be honest man.

    Look around this forum. A lot of people here relapse. It's part of the recovery process.

    Don't let people's behaviour turn you off or away from the site. Accept your emotions and let them flow through you. After all they're probably in the same boat as you. Frustrated and battling this same demon. Even if it comes off backhanded or borderline malicious they're posting on this thread not because they hate you but because they care about you...
     

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