Hello internet, So basically this is what im gonna do - write my journal to track my addiction - journey of quiting it to be precise. Im doing this for me (egoist!) but also for everyone else who is reading this - i know how hard (wrong word-trigger XD) is to beat masturbation and watching naked shaved bodies as well. I ruined my sexual activity for pmo since i was 13. I remember myself ass not too confident (social, girls, and overall) and now when i met NOFAP WORLD, this is pretty much obvious... Before i'll start, im gonna tell you story BEFORE i know that nofap world exist. (some facts are blurred for keep it anonymous) I planned great vacation last year (really amazing, best of my life i think). It was a long trip with lot of students. I wanted to travel alone so i did (over 40 people and i dont know anyone). I beat my little friend the day before holiday (just regular procedure in those days). Social anxiety was normal when you dont know anyone but to keep it clear and short, after 7 days of tripping (physically and mentally – hooked in Amsterdam - after smoking so much weed i thought i would die from oxygen intoxication XD) i landed in warm country for the rest of trip for few days. I shared aparment with few girls and one guy. And, what i noticed – i was confident enough to meet new people, normally talk with strangers, no social anxiety anymore, every night i slept with two girls in bed (i was in middle covered with shaved legs and fragrant arms). That's how i did it – one night after party at the beach one girl said that she cant sleep alone – then, more-male part of me said – okay lets go. I took them for one, large bed, flirting, talking and laughing. And what i've also observe – during this "nofap-trip", girls looked at me different, treated me different. Especially one, who was super hot for me – i knew that she adores me – lot's of hugs, lying in bed with legs tangled on me etc. You'll ask me – did something more happened ? I'll say no – it was first time that i was on NOFAP streak, so maybe this benefits doesnt gave me so much to do something more, idk. So, why i was confident and IN CONTROL ? Because i did NOT made love with my hand during this trip! (i was too busy these days for partying, travelling, surfing). My previous girls experiences ? Well, i know your first question - im not a virgin (since i was 18). BUT i did not have solid relationship for a few years now. Why is that ? It is based on REWARD - you've got this on a daily-fap-basis - your brain is attached to feeling, that YOU ARE REPRODUCING! But, to be honest, YOU ARE NOT! You just fake it, but your brain doesnt feel it, he just produce dopamine and semen like you need it... That's the reason you feel like you dont need women - and i've experienced it. Now, when im on Nofap streak, my brain think - "sh*t man, why you can't multiply like you did for a over ten years ? Why don't you find a warm vagina to use your force to make babies ?" And only now i feel this urge to find a women, to make great relationship with her, make love and even share my portion of chips. Okay regarding my "concious" journey, what i did so far: - Beginning Nofap journey – November 2017 - Relapsing after few days – this process occured few times, i just cant stand blunt pain of blue balls (i cannot focus, sleep, all i see is two big problems down there – exclusively for me). - Finally beated blue balls period – i'm atheist but when it comes to balls i prayed every night that they will not explode. - After 10 days it is much easier for me, i got more control over addiction so my confidence is rising much above average. Im the master of my balls not other way. - 30 days behind me – felling proud as f%&#k, i would be not suprised if someone would give an order for that (or statue – i cant imagine how it's gonna look like). When im awake i can KILL A SQUIRELL with my morning wood. Or two. - THAT'S IT – that was my challenge – 30 days – after i came (again wrong word but cant find synonym) from winter holiday (that was 34th day) i decided to reward myself (if you know what i mean). BUT of course that's the first grade of my nofap journey. I began it when i wanted to boost my testosterone – i regularly attend to gym for building mass (since last year). So what i was thinking, if my semen just cast away 2-3 times per DAY, maybe that's the case and i started reading. I came (pls use another word) to article which clearly communicating "AFTER SEVEN DAYS OF KEEPIN SEMEN WITH YOU, YOU WILL GONNA BE REWARDED WITH TESTOSTERONE SPIKE". Okay then, i ll try this i thought. Then i decided to relapse after 8 days just to observe 7 day spike. And that day, a normal day in work but there was so much emotions in me – if i was freak out, i was freak out, if i was happy i was happy etc. In those PMO days i was know as person who has calm and peace in mind, doesn't freak out and when i had a car accident – after a winter car glide – i said 'that's not good actually". So, what i'm doing nowadays ? I'm exacly at 15 day streak of NO PMO, i've already observe benefits of that. - Deeper, greater voice - I dont give a f%&k - More hair on arms, hands, legs, face, even on fingers (not that much but really noticeable) - Better relations with women, like they know your much greater value (and you know it too). - I'm charge, i wasnt happy of office job position - i just told it to my boss, he made a flip with another guy in another division and i will get better cash. - Better social interactions, more jokes and keepin better conversations - I've started few important, delayed things which i've ignored - I got it mind that im in control of everything and if im need something i will get it sooner or later. - I feel myself more masculine than i was before journey, pretty much obvious. - Most noticeable thing - EYE CONTACT - i can do this until someone feel uncomfortable XD - I look at girls in more healthy way now, i mean i don't really care so much about fit body and scale above 7 or 8. I just like all the girls, but more like inner part of them (not what you think of XD) Thanks for reading my first smelly sweat. I planned something shorter, not a piece of poetry but i think it can help others to believe that there's something behind keepin semen for yourself Peace! P.S. I've got a girl in apartment who share it with me and i'm planning to take her out, today she asked me for number. I will share more deatils when we'll hang out.