Journal: Brain-rewiring after 10+ wasted years

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by newlifebalance, Jan 6, 2018.

  1. Hello internet,

    So basically this is what im gonna do - write my journal to track my addiction - journey of quiting it to be precise. Im doing this for me (egoist!) but also for everyone else who is reading this - i know how hard (wrong word-trigger XD) is to beat masturbation and watching naked shaved bodies as well.
    I ruined my sexual activity for pmo since i was 13. I remember myself ass not too confident (social, girls, and overall) and now when i met NOFAP WORLD, this is pretty much obvious...

    Before i'll start, im gonna tell you story BEFORE i know that nofap world exist.
    (some facts are blurred for keep it anonymous)
    I planned great vacation last year (really amazing, best of my life i think). It was a long trip with lot of students. I wanted to travel alone so i did (over 40 people and i dont know anyone). I beat my little friend the day before holiday (just regular procedure in those days). Social anxiety was normal when you dont know anyone but to keep it clear and short, after 7 days of tripping (physically and mentally – hooked in Amsterdam - after smoking so much weed i thought i would die from oxygen intoxication XD) i landed in warm country for the rest of trip for few days. I shared aparment with few girls and one guy. And, what i noticed – i was confident enough to meet new people, normally talk with strangers, no social anxiety anymore, every night i slept with two girls in bed (i was in middle covered with shaved legs and fragrant arms).
    That's how i did it – one night after party at the beach one girl said that she cant sleep alone – then, more-male part of me said – okay lets go. I took them for one, large bed, flirting, talking and laughing. And what i've also observe – during this "nofap-trip", girls looked at me different, treated me different. Especially one, who was super hot for me – i knew that she adores me – lot's of hugs, lying in bed with legs tangled on me etc.
    You'll ask me – did something more happened ? I'll say no – it was first time that i was on NOFAP streak, so maybe this benefits doesnt gave me so much to do something more, idk.
    So, why i was confident and IN CONTROL ? Because i did NOT made love with my hand during this trip! (i was too busy these days for partying, travelling, surfing).

    My previous girls experiences ?
    Well, i know your first question - im not a virgin (since i was 18).
    BUT i did not have solid relationship for a few years now. Why is that ?
    It is based on REWARD - you've got this on a daily-fap-basis - your brain is attached to feeling, that YOU ARE REPRODUCING!
    But, to be honest, YOU ARE NOT! You just fake it, but your brain doesnt feel it, he just produce dopamine and semen like you need it...
    That's the reason you feel like you dont need women - and i've experienced it. Now, when im on Nofap streak, my brain think - "sh*t man, why you can't multiply like you did for a over ten years ? Why don't you find a warm vagina to use your force to make babies ?"
    And only now i feel this urge to find a women, to make great relationship with her, make love and even share my portion of chips.


    Okay regarding my "concious" journey, what i did so far:

    - Beginning Nofap journey – November 2017
    - Relapsing after few days – this process occured few times, i just cant stand blunt pain of blue balls (i cannot focus, sleep, all i see is two big problems down there – exclusively for me).
    - Finally beated blue balls period – i'm atheist but when it comes to balls i prayed every night that they will not explode.
    - After 10 days it is much easier for me, i got more control over addiction so my confidence is rising much above average. Im the master of my balls not other way.
    - 30 days behind me – felling proud as f%&#k, i would be not suprised if someone would give an order for that (or statue – i cant imagine how it's gonna look like).
    When im awake i can KILL A SQUIRELL with my morning wood. Or two.
    - THAT'S IT – that was my challenge – 30 days – after i came (again wrong word but cant find synonym) from winter holiday (that was 34th day) i decided to reward myself (if you know what i mean).

    BUT of course that's the first grade of my nofap journey. I began it when i wanted to boost my testosterone – i regularly attend to gym for building mass (since last year). So what i was thinking, if my semen just cast away 2-3 times per DAY, maybe that's the case and i started reading. I came (pls use another word) to article which clearly communicating "AFTER SEVEN DAYS OF KEEPIN SEMEN WITH YOU, YOU WILL GONNA BE REWARDED WITH TESTOSTERONE SPIKE". Okay then, i ll try this i thought. Then i decided to relapse after 8 days just to observe 7 day spike. And that day, a normal day in work but there was so much emotions in me – if i was freak out, i was freak out, if i was happy i was happy etc.
    In those PMO days i was know as person who has calm and peace in mind, doesn't freak out and when i had a car accident – after a winter car glide – i said 'that's not good actually".


    So, what i'm doing nowadays ? I'm exacly at 15 day streak of NO PMO, i've already observe benefits of that.
    - Deeper, greater voice
    - I dont give a f%&k
    - More hair on arms, hands, legs, face, even on fingers (not that much but really noticeable)
    - Better relations with women, like they know your much greater value (and you know it too).
    - I'm charge, i wasnt happy of office job position - i just told it to my boss, he made a flip with another guy in another division and i will get better cash.
    - Better social interactions, more jokes and keepin better conversations
    - I've started few important, delayed things which i've ignored
    - I got it mind that im in control of everything and if im need something i will get it sooner or later.
    - I feel myself more masculine than i was before journey, pretty much obvious.
    - Most noticeable thing - EYE CONTACT - i can do this until someone feel uncomfortable XD
    - I look at girls in more healthy way now, i mean i don't really care so much about fit body and scale above 7 or 8. I just like all the girls, but more like inner part of them (not what you think of XD)

    Thanks for reading my first smelly sweat. I planned something shorter, not a piece of poetry but i think it can help others to believe that there's something behind keepin semen for yourself :)

    Peace!

    P.S.
    I've got a girl in apartment who share it with me and i'm planning to take her out, today she asked me for number. I will share more deatils when we'll hang out.
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2018
  2. BuddhaPunkRobotMonk

    BuddhaPunkRobotMonk Administrator Staff Member

    Hi newlifebalance, welcome to YBR! Seems you already know the benefits of not PMOing. Wish you the best on your reboot! If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask me.
     
  3. Thank you for your support!
    As i mentioned in first post, this journey is a bit selfish, cause nobody can 'sense' some things which are in my head.
    But it definetely helps me more when i know that someone actually read this journal.

    When it comes to question, when i was reading this article about testosterone spike in 7 day, i thought about 'reset counter' every 8 day (one day to be sure that spike occured), to keep it on higher level than normal. I was wondering is it worth it...
     
  4. Day 17

    Full of energy, had a great gym training today, i feel like i can save the world.

    When it comes to main topic - no urge, no cravings, no nothing.
    It's all about your willpower, when you're weak you're gonna have no control over yourself, and this means you have no control of your life.
    It's sad but it's true - i know for sure, that i would be better, more developed person if i wouldn't fap for over 10 years.

    I dont think i will make reports every day, i have no time for this. Oh, another idea - when you're starting nofap period, BEST WHAT YOU CAN DO is to be really BUSY! Find time-consuming hobby, make new friends and talk to them, stay a little bit longer in work, whatever - you just don't have a time and circumstances for make love with your hand.
    Althought i think that WORST you can do is to watch yt videos about nofap, read articles, forums etc too often. In the beginning it might help for motivation, but as long as you think about nofap, you'll find yourself think about it - that's the fastest way to RELAPSE!
    Long story short - BE BUSY!

    Peace!

    P.S.
    I will ignore that girl from apartment, if she will be interested she will call, im not that needy.
    She's weird by the way, i remember a conversation when i asked her 'what do you do after work, do you have a hobby ?' and she said 'you're asking werid question'.
    DAMN, is it logic ?
    I would rather hook a new girl to meet someone new, that's the next fresh step of my journey so stay tuned!
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2018
  5. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    Hey man, you have an interesting story and you seem like an energetic, full-of-life sort of guy. I bet you are the life of every party!

    I think you are on the right track about not over-doing it reading about PMO and obsessing over it too much. But I would suggest that also includes thinking a lot about the benefits of retaining semen. Personally, I believe those benefits are way over-stated. This isn't magic. People who are addicted to PMO waste a lot of time doing it, don't feel as energetic, can feel low about themselves, and may have trouble relating to real women and getting excited by them. So when you stop doing PMO you will notice more time, more energy, perhaps feel better about yourself and relate better to women, and over time feel more excited by the real thing. These are all tremendous benefits, but I think it's important not to have unrealistically high expectations that can set us up for disappointment when the real benefits come at a slow and steady pace through a long time of endurance and resetting our brains to more healthy levels. Getting physically fit doesn't happen overnight. Getting mentally healthy doesn't either. Both of them take training and patience.

    I think it is healthy for us to look ahead in our imaginations to the kind of men we want to be, the kind of qualities we want to have, the job and hobbies we would like to develop, and focus attention day by day on developing those positive things. More focus on the good new things we're putting into our lives, less focus on the negative things we are trying to remove from our lives. So I would love to hear more about who you plan to be, and how you plan to become that man.

    Best wishes to you, you're off to a tremendous start.
     
  6. rami

    rami New Member

    wtf you could really SLEEP between tow girls!
    how could you possibly close your eyes?
    you are the luckiest man in the wold
     
  7. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    LOL Rami you are hilarious! :D
     
  8. Day 24

    As i said, i'll make an report once a few days due to lack of time.
    Over 20 days - what changed ? Pretty much nothing, confidence is still here and i'm getting passioned about all the girls i met.
    I'm little bit sleepy cause i didn't slept good this week, i dont know what could be the reason of that. I also catch myself imagine girls (undressed tbh) before going sleep and just when im awake - do you think is it bad for brain rewiring afer that much time spending with my hand (i dont mean lookin at sunset with it).
    So basically i have control over it, just that moments are keeping me with it urges.

    We've been tired from partying and day-activity, but i thought about threesome, who wouldnt ;p
    Everytime i see this picture with two girls aside, my confidence is boosted immediately, that was amazing feeling btw.
    I dont treat myself as a luckiest man, i would be him if i'd find a girl to spend time with a few times a week.
    And that's the smooth transition to another reply:

    Well, that's the kind of post that make me better and help me develop as a person.
    Regarding beginning - yes, i treat myself as a energetic sort of guy BUT im introvertic.
    And i dont think it's a bad thing anyway - i used to think of it as something that i can be shame of - that introvertic is someone separated from society (that's my mind attitude like 8 years ago, glad it changed).
    I really like the people around me but i have days when i just want to be alone with my own world.
    What's important - people treat me better when i treat myself better, that the way it is.

    According to reply, it starts to be a long post already - who i plan to be ? I plan to be someone who have always something to say, and who has always someone to talk to.
    Simple but it could be deeper - when i said 'someting to say' i have in mind, that i must travel, explore the world, know a bit of it to be able to say something about it, share experiences etc. When i said 'always someone to talk' i mean people who really understands me and i feel comfortable with.
    I plan get a girlfriend finally, cause that's the pain which last a few years and just know i realized that.
    I plan make more money that i did in last year - now i have a 'breath' which means two months without any 'money-making-activity' (i spent a lot of time searching for new ideas and reading lot of forums so i decided to get a little fresh mind).
     
    Squire likes this.
  9. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    Great to read another post from you my friend, I'm following your story with interest.

    I'm an introvert too. I used to think it was better to be an extrovert but now I love the way I am (and find extroverts fun for about 30 minutes and then they get on my nerves). It just means that you and I renew our energy, recharge our batteries by being alone, and we spend energy when we talk to people. Extroverts are the reverse. They recharge being with people but get drained when they're alone or have to do quiet work. It takes all kinds to make a world.

    You have some great goals. I wonder if you have any ideas about how you could start taking small steps toward those goals today? So for example, if you don't have the opportunity to explore the world today, are there any places in your community you can explore? Or books you could read, or good videos to watch that would teach you about more distant places? You can start to become a really adventurous, cosmopolitan man of the world by using the resources you already have today. I wonder how you could start taking small steps toward your other goals too?
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2018
  10. I've read some articles about introvertism but nobody put this that way, which is logic and inspirational tbh.
    Small steps ? Yes, that the most consistant way to make someone better at any thing. It's like every day you do something to make yourself closer to your goals. Putting yourself in 'deep water' and uncomfortable state is also great idead but not at all things.

    Im thinking about community - going to travelers meetings - i've got a great club in my town which organize that kind of events.
    But what i really want is to develop many sources of income and that way i can do more a more things, meet more and more people, travel more places. When i described my holiday in first post - that kind of situation occurs once/twice a YEAR. So you can predict im working full time job :(

    DAY 27
    Did smth happened ? Yes, i have a small back injury recently and i can't go to the gym :(( i've got physiotherapists for tomorrow
    Last one-two weeks i had a bad mood overall, dont know why, hope it doesnt have relation with quitting PMO.
    I mean its not a regular bad mood but i feel like my brain works in other way... Some days are really awesome and some are just a emotional wave. As i remember, i didnt got that frame of mind when i was PMOing.
    Today i thought about go back to PMO, i felt a little bit unmotivated, and dont know why. Maybe abstaining from gym training caused it ? I can't release stress another way and im looking for substitute ...
    Anyway, i'm not gonna do this (yet?) I also think about overrating benefits of PMO, maybe it's placebo ?

    @EDIT
    you know what ? i just came to nofap video (i dont watch it often), where people were complaining about same thing - after 14 days or so, there would be flatline where your motivation is going down and you feel no benefits of nofap LITERALLY.
    so thats the next challenge after blue-painful-balls

    P.S. That girl... in my flat... we've been arranging a meeting in spa (sauna and all) for relax and when it came to go out (we talked about yesterday's evening) she asks could it be in Saturday ...And that's a little bit disregarding so i'll ignore her to the time she'll arrange a meeting (she has still my number).
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2018
  11. rami

    rami New Member

    glad to see you going so far
    It seems like keeping busy is working for you.

    why are you waiting for the girl to start contacting? Is it the norm for the girl to start the calling ? why it is disregarding ? maybe she is busy. or was it the way she said it?

    be well soon and keep busy
     
    Squire likes this.
  12. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    Great idea going to travelers' meetings, clubs of people with similar interests. It will really help you with PMO to stay socially connected with people, not feeling lonely and isolated.

    I think regarding your long-term life goals, finding ways to take small steps toward them is important. But it's also important to figure out how to be content now, even before reaching those goals. What happens if you never make a lot of money? Can you be happy learning about far away places and talking with others about them? What happens if you can't go back to the gym for a long time? Can you find some low-impact ways to get exercise at home, even just walking or lifting some light weights. Something to keep the habit going and feel like you're still making progress. Will you be happy only when you find the girl of your dreams, or can you be content while you get to know girls and treat them like princesses? If you can figure out how to be content with what you already have, then you can be happy all your life. If you'll only be happy when you meet some far away goals, then if you don't meet some of those, you may be choosing to set the bar so high that you can never find the joy of living.

    There are so many people who have a lot of money but are desperately unhappy. And so many who do not have money who have great contentment and joy with a more simple life, with family and friends, and with faith in God. I hope some of these things will bring joy to you that you don't have to wait for.
     
    newlifebalance likes this.
  13. Day 30/0

    It's time to confess...
    I didnt control myself this night, smoked some weed and the urge was huuuuge. All started with a little small idea "what would be the pleasure to do this after 30 days". Then next thoughts were goin to my mind - 'relapsing is a part of quitting' and that kind of sh%t.
    Long story short i've relapsed, i've had smth like hangover today, especially when i was awake in the morning. Now i'm after gym training and my strength's goin back which is fine. I don't know what to think about it anyway, i'm gonna accept it and begin the next, longer streak...
    But i felt today like a total junkie, like i couldnt stand the resistance of thoughts, like that was stronger than me... weed also made my concious mind worse ...

    You seems like a very wise young man. My goal should be change the way i'm thinking, not the next zero digit on the bank account. I'm creating pressure for myself, needlesly - and that's not healthy for my brain and attitude...
    Everyday i'm gonna create a affirmations which will help me enjoy little things and feel content all the time, not only when the next goal is erased from my long list.
    As you said, joy of living is the key.


    I was emotional that time, like i was angry that she changed mind twice, but that's the way it is when it comes to girls... :D
    So, we went yesterday to hotel spa for relax, talking practicaly all the time. She is so hot, especially only in swimsuit... Next meeting is in initial stage, she propose to hit another hotel with spa.
    Hope that'll be not another friendzone. You cant really define it when it IS actually friendzone, especially in the beginning. But i dont want to push her and ask for more after one meeting.
    My strategy is to make a step, and wait for her step... Don't know if it'll work but i'll find out...
    A good option would be meeting with other girls, not only one at a time, cause my brain is so focused only on that one... Apps on phone doesnt help, i mean i got matches but it's hard to ask for a meeting the girl that i want...
    Maybe the daygame will solve it ? Guys spending half a day talking to stranger girls and asking them out :D

    @edit - important - it's the day of relapse, and you know what i feel ? that urge to get a girl got out completely. I know that it's gonna come back soon, like a week or so but now i realized how pitiful it is... it's like gettin a substitute for a girl ! nonsense!
     
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2018
  14. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    Do you find normally that smoking weed makes your struggle with PMO more difficult, or just this particular time? One of the main reasons I do PMO is anxiety. But now one of the things I use to help with anxiety is CBD oil. It is an extract from weed that has a calming effect without the THC that causes a high or intoxicated feeling. Maybe you would find that a helpful alternative.

    About girls, my advice to you would be to focus on developing some interesting hobbies and meet girls while doing those things. So if you want to be a physically fit guy, or a guy who travels, it would be best to meet a girl who also likes those things, right? Then you could do those things together. If you talk to a stranger on the street or in a bar, you have no idea what her interests are. You just know you like what she looks like. Instead, talk to the girls at the gym or at the travel club, even if they don't look perfectly like what you are looking for. You'll find someone who is more compatible with you and the lifestyle you are building.
     
  15. No, i smoke just for fun (always with friends, last day i smoked alone) but that day something broke in me and it just happened. I dont have much anxiety, for me it's more about a bad habit which i programmed in my brain.
    When it comes to a girls, i would do that (talk with strangers) for a reason - it could help me become a better, communicative person with less anxiety (in order to have a things which you diidnt have, you have to do things which you neved did).
    Althought it's always better to meet a person which match with your interests and hobby - you have always a topic for conversation.

    So.... Day 6/0
    Why did i relapse ? Basically, when i started a first one-month journey, i had a goal. A goal which was inside me and keeping me outside urges. I realized, that now i dont have a target to stick to it.
    I relapse today after a huge urge after gym - fit girls in leggins did their job xD

    But you know what ? Now, when im concious of it, i can just write the goal here - so, what i'll do now is to define my target - 60 DAYS. You read that, i read that so everyones know if i can stick to the plan.

    It's more than number - practically it's related to my longterm goals.
    More time to develop an income, develop myself as a person, become more confident and valuable.
    Girls ? In order to get a girl i need to have a motivation to do this - i'll not have it until i stop making love with my hand. Semen is what make ourselves a man so i want to keep it as often as i can.

    It's my promise-post so whenever i'll have an urge i'll look for benefits and goals which i'll achieve - to keep myself clean.
    When it comes to attitude - i dont have a "relapse hangover", i still have energy to do things which i planned to do today.

    TIME TO GROW UP AND BECOME A MAN
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2018
  16. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    Hey dude I ran across something on the internet that made me think of you and your love of travel. Someone wrote about how he traveled the whole world and didn't do all the tourist things, he just walked around the streets like an ordinary person and he felt like one of the local people, really got to see what everyday life was like. Then he said that he did that by using the Google Earth app. It's worth a thought, man. You have internet access, you can use the app, zoom in to street view and just explore, any city you want.

    Good attitude, good job getting back up after your stumble. You're going to figure this thing out.

    But hey, here's a thought. You're a man right now. Even with your PMO struggles. Even if you don't have a girlfriend and you aren't having sex. You're still a real man, and you're here among men talking about men's problems. I think being a man has much more to do with taking control of your own life and not just letting things happen to you. And you are taking control by coming here and working hard to overcome something you've identified as a problem in your life.

    You're a good man, and you're doing a good job.
     
    newlifebalance likes this.
  17. rami

    rami New Member

    I am holding you to it and I know you can do it.
     
    Squire and newlifebalance like this.
  18. Thanks bro !


    It's a great idea, which i used actually a long time ago, i did this at work, walking around in Dubai :D awesome experience even if you're not there for real :D
    Thanks for support man, it means a lot to me right now. I dont know whats happening to me but i feel weird since few days. There's a period of day, mostly when my work is coming to end. I feel this creepy emotion which reminds me that i dont have anyone since few years (girl). I mean i feel such a lonely man without a girl now. This emotions doesnt exist such a long time, never felt something similar (maybe few times but it was less extreme). It's a mix of sadness and loneliness (i cried last night because of that, like i need it, and i've dont remmeber when i cried last time, weird thing).
    I have really great friends around me and thats keepin me in good mood, but when it comes to be alone i feel like shit.

    Im trying too keep messaging girls who are candidate to something more than a friend but they dont show any interest (i can recognize it of course). I dont know if i must be more involved and show more interest or can i just leave it and wait for their, even small move... Im not needy and i dont want to chase girls like i've neven had one...
    What would you do on my place?

    P.S. 4 DAYS - days coming in and out, everything in control (my sadness mood also did a lot of work).
    Anyway im thinking about meditation but dont know what time of day to choose. I believe it can help me with more stable mood.
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2018
  19. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    Hey that's interesting I've used Google Earth to zoom in on Dubai as well. I wanted to see what the artificial islands they made look like from space, the one that's like a palm tree. And the Burj Dubai.

    So about being happy. Don't think that finding a girl, or finding the right girl, is going to make you happy. Don't think that a girl is going to be the solution to your problems. Humans have a range of emotions and we just don't feel happy all the time. Our emotions are influenced by a lot of things, including diet, exercise, spiritual factors, and the way we talk to ourselves psychologically, the way we see ourselves and the world.

    If you put all your hope in finding a girl to fix it all, here's what happens -- you have put your happiness off to the future and you've put it in someone else's hands. So you won't feel happy until you find someone, and then if she doesn't make you happy, you'll blame her for that and resent her for not making you happy. And girls will not want to be with a guy who is highly dependent on them, who they're always having to prop up, you know?

    So my recommendation would be to take girls off the agenda for a while. Give yourself a period of time, I don't know, 6 months? In which you are not going to date at all. During that time focus on figuring yourself out better. What is it that is at the root of your unhappiness? What are your dreams and goals? How can you start working toward them now? So you're getting your own life in order and becoming the emotionally stable, confident, self-controlled man who will be attractive to girls and admired by guys. Something that is very attractive in a guy is confidence. It's not just some physical appearance or some clothes you wear or whatever, it's the attitude of a guy who is at peace and in control of himself and not flustered by whatever situation he is in. This is a way of being you can learn.

    I like that you are thinking about meditating. I don't know what your religious views are, but regardless of what they are, science has shown that prayer or meditation does have positive stress-relieving effects. I would encourage you to think big thoughts, thoughts that go beyond your own life and your own feelings, ask yourself the big questions--why are we here on this planet? What is our purpose? What is there beyond this life? Answers may not be obvious or easy, but turn these big thoughts around in your mind. Thinking above and beyond ourselves can be very healthy and can lead us to new and important insights.

    I hope this helps a little bit. I know it's all easier to say than to do.
     
  20. Last weekend has been very productive, i've finally made guitar records for my friend who want to make a song for fun, made great gym trainings as well
    Day 7 was actually spike day - that day i made great progress with weight lifting, talked to a gym girl (assistant but shes cute anyway), i know she has a boyfriend but i want to just meet her you know.
    That day i didnt gave a fuck what anyone thinks about me, in the conversations i was in a flow state as well
    It's related to higher testosterone level, which i want to boost more with supplements - i've bought ashwagandha, longjack and fenibut.
    Last one doesnt have much with testo level, but was recommend by elisha long (most amazing, literally most authentic guy on yt).
    Fenibut can remove social anxiety effectively and i want to try how it can affect me.

    My weird loneliness mood has gone last weekend just right i wrote another post.
    With better mood came confidence which
    came from nofap naturally.

    DAY 11

    Trigger warning:
    Tonight i've had sex with a girl, not a stranger, we've met a two months ago, i saw her like 3 times before.
    I called her that day and invite for a movie. We did not finished the movie.
    It was quick action - she hugged me, i said 'do you like hugs?', she said yes, and i asked 'do you like kissing?'
    Her eyes started to bright and there was no other questions.

    No problem with erection, due to my high libido and lack of stimulation.
    I didnt ejaculated, i wanted to keep my semen for myself.
    I've also learned recently how to have orgasm without ejaculation, it's all about kegels.

    I was in charge that night, it felt amazing to back in the game with girls and of course my confidence was much higher today, even tough i was tired after sleeping 6 hours.




    Basically what i want to found is way to make myself more valuable - run a business, develop myself, my skills, guitar playin, fit body - finding a girl is important to me (especially on nofap),
    but im finding happiness in my hobbies and spending time with friends.
    You have right, absolutely, girl is not gonna makes me happy, but i think of it like a small empty box (theres a lot of filled boxes also) in my everyday life sometimes.
    Im still learning new things, mostly related with soft skills like confidence, flow state of mind, creativity so it gives me a little boost and freshness in my life.
    It's a great idea to ask myself questions that is way beyond my perception and mind, i will try it at the next meditation session.

    P.S.
    I know i can beat my record (60 days), but is it all about numbers ?
    Not about way of living ? Way of spending time ? More productive habits ?
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2018

Share This Page