Jeff's Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by JWhitsitt, Jul 10, 2012.

  1. JWhitsitt

    JWhitsitt Guest

    Hi, I am a 51 year old guy who has had an internet porn addiction for about 20 years. The severity of the addiction has fluctuated, but in the last few months it has been worse than ever. I am acting now because of ED. I cannot have sex with my wife now without Viagra and sometimes that does not work. The Viagra gives me an erection, but sometimes I cannot ejaculate.

    Reading about the physiology behind the problem has helped me in deciding to act. Looking back over the past 20 years I See more clearly how my addiction has affected my life. It contributed to the failure of my first marriage although there were other issues. I do not want to repeat that mistake with my current marriage.

    Yesterday I deleted all the porn from my computer. I am committed to do this. I appreciate the support this forum provides.

    Thanks, Jeff
  2. makebelieve

    makebelieve Member

    Hey Jeff,

    Welcome here! I've been realizing too lately how my addiction to porn has been a big factor in the failure of my last two relationships. I hope that you will continue on your way, and discover a lot more about yourself and solve your ED problem and maybe much more!

    Good luck
  3. Forgive Me

    Forgive Me tmrw belongs to people who prepare for it today!

    Hi Jeff,

    welcome to the forum.

    I am fascinated to know how you initially got attracted to porn as you did not have high speed internet like many of us when you were young. And what are your thoughts on how porn has become mainstream now and what it was like 40 years ago?
  4. JWhitsitt

    JWhitsitt Guest

    Thanks, makebelieve!

    The encouragement is very much appreciated. I think this forum will be a key to my success.
  5. JWhitsitt

    JWhitsitt Guest


    My path is probably not atypical. In puberty (pre-internet) I remember looking at women's underwear adds in Sears catalogs; sounds pathetic now. I also had the Farrah Fawcett poster (older guys know exactly the one I mean). From that I graduated to buying porn magazines at gas stations. In college, I actually improved somewhat because I was so busy with school work; it kept my mind off of it. But I did sneak off to softcore and even some hardcore movies in theaters. After college and starting job, I would go to adult bookstore at lunchtime and use video booths. This was about the time internet took off. I worked at a university so had access to high speed internet. At first it was still images, but clips followed quickly. Then you really had to dig for them, but the last few years the youtube like porn sites have made access very easy.

    Thanks for making me think about this. It makes me realize that it has been a life long problem.

    I'm ready to solve it!
  6. Forgive Me

    Forgive Me tmrw belongs to people who prepare for it today!

    It has been a life long problem for me too.

    Good luck and i hope you make a full recovery.
  7. JWhitsitt

    JWhitsitt Guest

    First really strong temptation to view porn; even went so far as to think about the scene I wanted to go get.

    Was able to force myself away from the computer and take a walk. This is not easy!

    Thanks for support!
  8. makebelieve

    makebelieve Member

    No, it's definitely not easy. But taking a walk was a good decision! Maybe you could put a first goal for yourself, something like 10 days without PMO? Maybe it will help you not to relapse. And maybe you can think of a mental approach to block the memories of scenes? A place that you went to and that was inspiring and important to you, that you visualize in your head and that you can get to when the temptation becomes stronger?

    Just continue!
  9. JWhitsitt

    JWhitsitt Guest

    Thanks for the good advice! I'll try your suggestion.
  10. JWhitsitt

    JWhitsitt Guest

    Day 4 - no PMO

    So, this morning woke up rock hard. Wife noticed and jumped on it (almost literally). Came close to finishing before ED kicked in. She had at least one O which was good. However, she had to leave for work so I did not O. The point of telling this is that in the past I would have been frustrated enough to use porn to MO, but his time I did not. Small victories!

    Thanks for listening!

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