Jebus journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by jebu, Mar 21, 2013.

  1. jebu

    jebu Member

    Day 404:

    Just a little status update for you all.

    It is coming close to two years since I joined this forum. It has been great to have an outlet for my troubles and struggles.
    I have found that the more I share of my troubles the less is the burden. It has been great to have the support I needed to get on to another track in my life.
    Generally things are much better now and I feel that rejecting urges is easier than before.
    Rewiring and breaking free from the energy-draining curse of PMO addiction is not an easy struggle for anyone. Having the support from other forum members is invaluable.
  2. imout

    imout Active Member

    never realized you are from Norway. I have spent MANY summers in the northern fjell.

    I have been here almost 2 years, too. And I see it the same way as you.
  3. jebu

    jebu Member

    Day 512 & Day 1

    I had to reset my counters. But I do not feel bad about that.

    In the two years that I have been on this forum I can honestly say that I have made a positive change to my life.

    Todays indulgence in old habits felt no way really good, only a short release of dopamine that could be felt. Quickly gone again.
    I was captured by my addiction, it did not feel really good and I had to use a lot of energy and time to get to MO from P.

    To summarize; I feel that I am not easily stimulated by P anymore. My brain has changed.
    I think that two years is maybe not enough time to erase my 30+ years of self-abuse and overstimulation.
    Old habits die hard.
    The good thing is that my life is better and I am using very little energy to combat my old PMO habits.

    This is definately not a step backwards to square one. I just had to reset my counters, thats all.
  4. jebu

    jebu Member

    I was in a slump today. Bored, out of energy, feeling miserable.
    So I gave in to a PMO session even knowing that will only dig me deeper down in my slump.
    Sometimes it is tough to stay motivated. No exercise, eating badly and not taking care of my self was what lead up to this.

    The best way I can justify my stupid action is that letting my self down was a way of taking up new resolve to do better.
    That makes sense in some way.

    All that said, It has been over a year since I last posted something in my journal and I have definately made serious progress from when I first started out.
  5. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    Hey, my friend! How's it going?
  6. jebu

    jebu Member

    Thanks for stopping by my journal, Guy.

    Things are going on like normal. I have no real reason to complain and things are generally good.

    I got some good advise about "taking back" some days for doing my own activities undisturbed. I should prioritize taking time to do the stuff that is for me.
    Giving of myself to improve everybody elses lives will eventually deplete my resources. I am generally being almost too nice with others.
    It's a habit, I guess.

    Oh; and so you do not misunderstand; Walking along with you taking your ups and downs as my own only gives me more strength.

    I will enjoy this weekend. I hope you have a good weekend too.
  7. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    I SO get this.

    It's strangely freeing to know my success is linked with yours and yours with mine.


    YOU have a good weekend, too!
  8. jebu

    jebu Member

    Thank you, Guy. It helps to have your support. Triggers and moodswings come and go for me throughout the day and making the right choice every time is easier knowing that we both are dealing with it.
    I am very happy you have come to my aid and that I can help you along to a better future.
  9. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Keep pushing forward, brother. Together we can all do it. We have to show the young guys that it's never to late to take on life and swing it by the tail.
  10. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    I'll be leaving for a bike around the lake, over the bridge and into the City compound park. It's cloudy, possibly rainy here -- but I'm looking forward to the ride.

    Today's been a tough start for me. Writing here instead of "coming there" was a more difficult choice than it has been for the past two weeks.

    I'll be thinking of you, brother! Have a good day!
  11. jebu

    jebu Member

    Felt a real "need" for "release" today. Feeling low and not too good.
    But I made the right choice and have not given in to old bad habits.
    It did not take too much effort and I know now that I am in control of my feelings instead of the other way around.
  12. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    Hey, Brother J!

    Question -- what do you feel about MOing to sensation only? For me, that's a shower jerk -- fast, sort of a clinical jerk...because P thoughts have been messing with my head.

    Would you reset to xero or start a second counter?

    You are my paraclete and I value your thoughts.

  13. jebu

    jebu Member

    Thank you for asking. It is a difficult decision and I will try my best to give you answers that I think are helpful to you.

    If you continue to supply your motivational system with Porn you will not want to do the other stuff that is good for you.
    After all, this has been your most accessible source for dopamine and that is a habit you will have to stop or you will not get accustomed to lower dopamine levels.
    So, staying away from Porn is your #1 priority. To do so, you must engage in other and healthy activities that hold anticipation, exitement and joy when fulfilled.
    If you can, prioritize social activites that engage you with other people. You might even start to consider taking classes to learn new things or go to group classes at your local gym.
    Exercise, hobbies and other things that you like are also things that will help you stay away from Porn.
    If you get bored or tired you will most certainly want to have a dopamine "shot". That is why exercise and healthy eating helps A LOT.

    I fully understand that you want to take a shower jerk. But keep in mind that you are rewarding the Porn thought network in your brain by doing so.
    If at all possible you should not give in. And the need for "release" of sperm is a myth. Your body is fully capable of handling all that by itself.
    And you will very quickly fall back to old habits if you do so.
    Bear in mind that a quick jerk off in the shower is not the end of it. Why should it be? You will only want more of if. And you know you can supply this any time you want.

    You should begin to think about how you can talk to your wife about your sexual desires and needs. You two need to have a "talk".
    If you know that having a "talk" about sexual needs is too much too soon, start by showing her that you care about her.
    Cuddling and feeling the warmth and touch of someone you care deeply about will certainly take the "edge" off your need to jerk off.
    I think your wife needs to feel safe and taken care of. It is your job as a husband to do this. But not without getting taken care of in return.
    Often men and women do not talk enough together to understand each other. And everyone needs caressa.

    Work a little with the thought of using your "itch" to motivate healthy changes in your life. Getting through the tough "low" times is important.
    You have jerked off a thousand times before. Making it 1001 times will not make a big change. Stopping at 1000 will. Resurrecting your normal sex life will.

    Take control of your life and make it better. You have just started out getting there. So do not fall back to old habits when you are establishing new and healthy ones.
    This is of course tough. Very tough. But you CAN do it.
  14. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member


    This was what hit me square between the eyes:


    Thanks, brethren!
  15. jebu

    jebu Member

    I seem to have worked my way through the slump that I have been in for about a week. I feel both energized and motivated to do stuff.
    I dislike the down-periods in my life. But I like the up-periods. But I guess I cannot have one without the other. Kind of a yin-yang thing.

    Anyway. I feel good today. I am happy that Guy is walking alongside me and that we are supporting each other.
    Today I am going to enjoy the sunshine and healthy nice things in my life.
  16. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    Jebu: Thank you for walking alongside me.

    It is currently extremely difficult with my parents. Mom in hospital; dad here -- hell on Earth.

    BUT -- my head and heart know that if I PMO, even though it will feel nice for a moment, I'll feel WORSE afterward not only plunging me over the edge, but dragging you with me.

    So I am staying the course for now. All I can do is one hour at a time.

    Thank you, Man Across The Sea!
  17. jebu

    jebu Member

    Good going, Guy. Thank you for walking alongside me when times are difficult for you.

    We are getting closer to your initial goal of 30 days. That will be a very nice starting point for getting even further away from PMO.

    One thing that is easy to forget with PMO is that not only does it trap us in a vicous cycle. It also deprive us of the incentive we need to address other issues in our life.
    Not only will you be stronger if you stay away from PMO. You will also have the willpower to make good changes.

    Again, when things are difficult for you, be more social and even sometimes share your troubles with other. You will get sympathy and understanding.
  18. Guy_Stewart

    Guy_Stewart Well-Known Member

    Hey Jebu, how are you?

    You haven't posted for several days -- "What's up?"
  19. jebu

    jebu Member

    Hi Guy. I have been away for a few days on a hiking trip. Using the internet was not a part of the trip.
    I am back again.
  20. jebu

    jebu Member

    I am taking a sabattical from the YBR forum. I will check in again in a couple of weeks.

    And NO, this does not mean that I am going off for a PMO binge or something like that.
    I will perfectly well manage to stay clean. You CAN rely on my counter to be accurate while I am not here.

    See you all later.

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