Hi. I am new to this site and would like to introduce myself. As most of you I have realized that I have been rewiring my brain for the wrong reasons for a very long time. In my case, I have been doing it for somewhat over 30 years and my constant search for new ways to get off. I am a straight guy but have been led to crossdressing and other fantasies. I have had several fetishes that may or may not be considered normal. Although I have had two meaningful relationships for many years I still kept on PMO and even O during sex was difficult without thinking of things I would think of during PMO. I have two children that I care for very much and I want to be a better person for them as well. But my main motivation is becoming a better person for my own well being. Then all the people around me will benefit as well. After discovering yourbrainonporn.com I finally found some patterns I could relate to. My main concern now is that I feel P and M are not rewarding and are draining my energy and resouces. I wish to have a better life without feeling tired, depressed and drained. I have come to the realization that I am sort of numb. There is little that excites me this scares me quite a bit. 3 weeks is the most I have managed nofap on my own without relapse. None of the people around me are aware of my addictions and the reason for me being less focused, angry or tired. And I do not dare to tell them as they will most likely consider me a weirdo and shy away. Also, they do not need to know it all. My addictions are private to me. I do need some backing at times since I am evidently not capable of rebooting on my own. My hope is that I can receive some help here when I need it and that I can contribute to helping others too. I MO'ed today. I hope it is the last time.