I've got to keep striving

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Kick, Nov 14, 2019.

  1. Kick

    Kick Active Member

    Hey. So I tried this whole no porn, no masturbation thing a while ago. My old journal is here https://yourbrainrebalanced.com/forum/index.php?threads/journal-positive-steps.27387/ probably don't read it. It's kinda' cringe. For the shortened version it goes like this:

    Be me, be a smoker for years 17-23~, be a pothead 16-26~, do acid, do MDMA. PMO a lot while stoned. Deathgrip like crazy and even add in some a** play in September/October. Yikes.

    I Try get out of the rut. Go to the gym, quit smoking, quit pot, have some poor quality relationships. Riddled with anxiety/depression, take SSRIs, see a psych.

    Despite all my setbacks, I always try to escape from my fiendish ways. Always try and climb towards the light. Something good exists in me.

    I last PMO'd while stoned somewhere in early October. Since then, I didn't MO - until today (a 30ish day streak). Was a weak erection. Just happened while I was reading a book. Felt a tinglin' down there. Next minute I'm cleaning myself up and taking a cold shower. I will say in that 30ish day clean period I took some good steps and over the last few days some things which have crippled me for ages like a lack of self confidence, lack of creativity, lack of drive, were starting to awaken...

    In the last month, since quitting pot, I'm hitting the gym 3-4 times a week, the sauna 2-3 times a week, reading, working, seeing friends, playing and writing music, meditating once or twice a day, and doing some pelvic floor work (light kegels, with heaps of reverse kegels and PF relaxation techniques). Trying to avoid shit habits and cultivate good ones. For fuck's sake. I'm 26. Not 16.

    The next things I'm going to try add to my good habit list include
    • drinking green tea (good for the brain and the penis apparently)
    • get a sleeping pattern going
    • ask out some girls, try rewire
    • Cold showers
    I might not post again for a while. I think these sites are great, but they're easy to obsess over, like social media. They're also a reminder about what you're trying to do - a great man once said "Never let the left hand know what the right one is doing", and yet here I am, stating my clear intent to go fap free. I wish anyone reading this all the luck in the world. Remember why you're doing this.
    baywalker likes this.
  2. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you're simply an addict, be it drugs or porn. Maybe it's time to figure out what that's about and not quite worry about the specific addiction, since that's only a symptom of the real problem.

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