It's time

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by JDoe, Aug 20, 2012.

  1. JDoe

    JDoe No amount of pixels is ever gonna love you back...

    Thanks Zed. Yeah, I do find myself going to a real good place when I listen to that man speak. We even put him on in the car when we're going for long drives with the kids. I like the idea that my boys will grow up having heard such wisdom from a young age. And they even ASK me to put him on now! :eek: They sit there and listen intently, instead of bickering with each other. I am seeing slow but very real changes in them as I expose them to more and more of this. I love what I am seeing...

    I am well. Working in an active A&E department is an endless learning experience. I leave every day with a feeling of gratitude, and the certainty that it has not been just another day of my life squandered and without any real meaning. I am feeling more and more aligned to my purpose, as I grow into it. It's a growing and not a dying.

    254 days. I don't look at the counter very often anymore. It doesn't hold a lot of meaning now, though I acknowledge that it once did. This is my life now, and it's not the life it once was. I am happy for that in so many ways.

    My woman and I are in such a beautiful place...really new territory. The old bumps in the road come up from time to time, but the way we roll past them is so completely new. There is growing ease and grace. I almost look forward to the bumps now...because I love witnessing the way we manage to move through them.

    I need to ask of the men involved in the mentoring: who would be willing to step up and be the gatekeeper?
    I have been at it for two months now, and feel like it is maybe time to pass the torch. It is not a huge commitment of time. It just means monitoring the thread for new requests, and responding/forwarding them via PM. I can fill anyone interested in on the details. Please let me know if you feel the calling.

    Love to you all.
     
  2. youngoldie

    youngoldie Onwards comrades - we have to go back!

    Hi JDoe,

    About the mentoring I will think over. I'm not yet decided - I have as well a lot of new things to do.

    What I would be interested: How do you see your sexual life now? You told u that you have regularely sex with your wife. Would it be a big disturbance for if you had no possibilty to have sex or orgasms? I'm asking out of personal reasons and because of many guy complaning that their women cannot fullfil their needs.

    And, BTW: Have you made more research with the multiple orgasmic approach?
     
  3. JDoe

    JDoe No amount of pixels is ever gonna love you back...

    Hi youngoldie. So far, you're the only man who has stepped forward with the possibility of keeping the mentoring thing going. I appreciate it. If you decide not to, that is also totally respected. It's just something I need to start planning for, as I have the sense that my days on this site are probably nearing an end soon. I am hopeful that someone will be willing to continue to 'water the plants' when I'm gone. If not, then that's how it was meant to be and I'm OK with it.

    Happy to answer your questions regarding my sexual life. My sexuall life now is the best it has ever been - and I do mean ever. That's just the simplest way of putting it...though I could probably write volumes on the complexities of exactly what that means. (I won't...because every man has to find his own 'roadmap' - so to speak.)
    It is an endless and beautiful process of discovery. The greatest irony, is that with the sense of true fulfillment I am now experiencing - it has lost its grip as the 'all encompassing' thing in my life. I no longer obsess over it the way I used to. It is simply a healthy part of who I am...in a place of equilibrium with other facets of my life. It no longer dominates my thoughts, generates anxiety, or sucks energy from other areas of my life. It is nourishing, and playful, and enhances the love I have for my woman and the world around me.
    Everything is different.

    "Would it be a big disturbance for if you had no possibilty to have sex or orgasms?" Honestly, I don't know. I'm not interested in living a life like that, personally. So, to do so would mean living in a way that is not congruent with the man I am. Therefore, my suspicion is that it probably WOULD create some sort of disturbance. I find that anytime in life where I'm not being congruent with who I am, then some sort of discomfort is bound to arise. It's inevitable. One cannot live in conflict with oneself without some sort of problems manifesting as a result. It's why I became a PMO addict to begin with, and I suspect this is true for many (if not all) of us here.

    But you asked more specifically about "...many guy complaning that their women cannot fullfil their needs" so I should probably address that. Here's my thoughts.
    Women do not fulfill my needs; I fulfill my needs. I either choose to be with a woman who I can fulfill my needs with (and I intend to fulfill hers too, because that is one of MY needs as well!), or I suffer. It's that simple. No woman is responsible for fulfilling my needs. I am. I either put myself into a relationship that nourishes me with what my soul craves, or I do not - and I pay the associated costs.
    But the responsibility is all mine. It always has been.
    I choose the life I live - be it sexual or otherwise.

    On the multiple-orgasmic approach, I've actually backed away from that for a while. My experimentation with it, that I wrote about some time ago, suggested to me that I was probably rushing into something that I might not have been ready to do just yet. I still occasionally self-pleasure (without any O or intention of O, nor any fantasy), and have found no ill-effects from that at all. In fact, my ability to delay ejaculation until I feel like I actually WANT to, when having sex with my wife, has only improved more and more - and I attribute some of this to this practice. Currently, I feel like I can have sex basically as long as I wish before O - and the sex is really satisfying for both me and my wife. So there really is no great motivation to push this further right now. I'm quite happy with the way things are, and so is she. I may revisit it in the future, but for right now - I'm a very happy guy! ;) Maybe further down the road...I don't know.

    I hope that helps mate. Sorry for such a long delay in answering. Busy days for me right now...
     
  4. better_reward

    better_reward High-speed connection is an oxymoron.™

    Another gold nugget JD. I see you may be leaving the forum soon, so I just wanted to let you know I value your insightful contributions. You introduced me to some life changing concepts. I still chew on a lot of your sharing and video. Seriously.

    You're on awesome path. Keep riding!!!
     
  5. Zed.

    Zed. Steady as she goes...

    Fucking brilliant JDoe - magnificent stuff indeed. You're an inspiration and a light to everybody here my friend, it's going to be sad not to have you around when you finally ride off into the sunset.

    Hope to see you here for a little while yet... Big love to you pal.
     
  6. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Hi JDoe,

    I realize the importance of your conviction and that you will leave us... can you consider just dropping by once and a while? I had a friend at my old forum, a really great man, who was at about 300 days when I was at 130, a very inspiring guy... he stopped checking in I missed him, then I stopped checking in. Well, I did not realize how much that accountability really meant ... to both of us. I relapsed at about 158, I sent him a message a while back expecting him to be all good, I was embarrassed to tell him I had failed but was back trying again, whoa... he had also relapsed...

    Just say hi once and a while?
     
  7. JDoe

    JDoe No amount of pixels is ever gonna love you back...

    Thanks Zed, RR, and fcjl8. You guys are shining examples of the things I will very much miss about this place.

    Yeah, I will probably swing by from time to time...just to see how everyone is doing. I still have a few mentees that I communicate with, and I will at least be coming here to communicate with them until those partnerships end. So, I don't expect to go away entirely. It will just become a lot less frequesnt than it has in the past. Honestly, my activity on this site has already diminished by a whole lot over the last few months. It's a trend that will continue, I expect.
    But I don't plan to go away forever - at least not anytime in the near future. It may happen one day...but not yet.

    We all have to do what serves us. For me, I've spent way too much of my life behind a keyboard - and I know it. :p Part of my path is to move further and further away from that. It's unfortunate that YBR exists solely within that realm...but it's just the nature of this beast. I am thankful that it was here for me, at a time in my life when I really needed it. But that need has faded now. The priorities of my life have shifted, as my inner (and outer) worlds have shifted. All of you have helped tremendously in facilitating this process for me, and my gratitude for that is eternal.

    My father once said to me that the great irony of being a parent is that your primary job is to get rid of your children - meaning to prepare them to leave the nest and go out into the world on their own. It's sad and beautiful and magnificent all at the same time. It has always been that way.
    This site is a bit like that: its job is to carry us along until we don't need it anymore. I don't think any of us want to be coming here for the rest of our lives...even as men completely free of the addiction that once enslaved us. There may come times where we feel compelled to help others with this addiction, and this place provides a great opportunity to do that - without obligation or demand. I will continue to value it in that regard. I am certainly glad it exists, and I have no illusions that it will cease to do so without my presence. There are so many good men and women out there who will come along and do their bit - long after my journal gets buried miles deep in the sedimentary layers of this forum.
    I was here for a while, and did what I came here to do. I crossed paths with some amazing men - who opened their souls to me and helped restore my faith in humanity as a whole.
    I reckon that's about as good as it gets...in life and anywhere else. ;)

    With love,
    -JD
     
  8. Zed.

    Zed. Steady as she goes...

    Yeah man - keep it real my brother!

    At some point in the future I reckon we might just find that beer in your neck of the woods, so don't slip off before saying goodbye mate.

    It's a wonderful life, and a pleasure to see you wading in deeper and deeper. What a change from your early posts. I remember clearly one of your earlier journal entries - not sure when it was at all - you describing taking time to lie on the beach and look at the stars and drink it all in, amazed that you never really did this, or something like that. Sounds like a different man to me.

    I'll be looking out for any future posts from you while I'm here.

    Be well.
     
  9. Confused

    Confused New Member

    Always great to hear words of wisdom from the "Chairman of the Board"............yes, we want our children to succeed and live thier lives but doesn't mean we don't want them to "visit" ...........always love your "visits' and giving us all your energy!!!
     
  10. JDoe

    JDoe No amount of pixels is ever gonna love you back...

    Just saw this and wanted to share it...because it's awesome.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=O8U8Pkod2n4

    Love to you all.
     
  11. bright_eyes

    bright_eyes Master of My Own Mind?

    Man! The church/temple of YBR was just in Sunday afternoon session with that TEDx talk. In the vernacular, that was some heavy, heavy shit.
     
  12. better_reward

    better_reward High-speed connection is an oxymoron.™

    That was awesome, heavy shit... and I might add excellent for bringing focus to what really matters. Authenticity being high up there (as many of us are learning).

    Thanks JD for another gem!
     
  13. Confused

    Confused New Member

    Thanks!!! Being true to who I am, every moment of everyday to the fullest is what I will be.............love you JDoe - what a nice "visit"!!!
     
  14. Zed.

    Zed. Steady as she goes...

    Once again thanks for lobbing a quality hand-grenade over the wall for us there brother, that is a fantastic talk. Hoping you're well, sending you love and big ups my man.
     
  15. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Great video. The sad thing is . . . this world has done everything in its power to hinder us from doing this. Making a living usually requires conformity to a bunch of arbitrary standards that make little or no sense in the real world. Masters degrees are a dime a dozen and even doctorates are becoming commonplace, yet people, in general, are not smarter or living any more effectively.
     
  16. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    I remember seeing your counter at around 150 days and am really shocked that its now near 300. Time fly's and looks like you definitely left that old life behind. I can also sense within the coming weeks you will no longer be around so just wanted to wish you all the best and think its great you took such an interest in the younger guys.
     
  17. JDoe

    JDoe No amount of pixels is ever gonna love you back...

    A friend asked me a question.
    I figured I may as well answer him in public.
    This one's for you, Mark.

    My love to you all.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wU0PYcCsL6o
     
  18. FindingSanctuary

    FindingSanctuary One foot before the other.

    Beautiful.
    Powerful.
    Encouraging.
     
  19. Monkey

    Monkey Everyday is a success.

    Hey, nice job on 303 days! You are getting close to a whole year. Way to go!
     
  20. Dangerous Dave

    Dangerous Dave I don't need a weapon; I am a weapon.

    JDoe! You still around??? Congrats on 365!!! Chuck is back baby!!!!!!!
     

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