It's Finally Time to Change - Journey

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by baco_bacon, Mar 4, 2016.

  1. baco_bacon

    baco_bacon Member

    25 days... feels good guys...

    Also had a moment of bliss last night meditating... I struggle maintaining a consistent meditation routine so I don't feel my progress is very optimal, but last night I meditated before bed and it felt great. Going to meditate now before I get my day started.
  2. baco_bacon

    baco_bacon Member

    I think these past few days have really been the only time so far I've actually felt "different..." And that's awesome. Honestly the first couple weeks I was (and still am) struggling with edging, so it was preventing me from obtaining the full benefits. I hate saying benefits as much as I hate saying superpowers, but, frankly, that is how it feels after nearly a month without ejaculating and only edging a few times. The past 3-4 days have not been a usual part of my "routine" though - I had 2 finals today and my last final tomorrow, and have been super stressed with studying/work this entire week. Those combined with studying on enhancing drugs truly makes it difficult to gauge progress... That being said, adderall or not I still used to have EXTREME difficulty focusing on a single subject and now I've been grinding all day. I also used to take naps nearly every day (srs) and would procrastinate and just nap for 2-3 hours, wake up to it being nearly night time and - lo and behold - I still wouldn't have the motivation to study.

    Ie: today I woke up, ate breakfast, went to a job interview and practically got offered the position and i'm waiting to hear back now. Then I went to school, reviewed a bit of math, and took my math final pt. 1, which I think I did well on. In between classes I studied for my nursing final and got an 89 on that. After nursing I got home, laid down for like 15 minutes, ate dinner, shaved/showered, and have been studying math for the 2nd half of the final tomorrow for the past 4 hours...
    I can't wait until i'm done with my final tomorrow. REALLY looking forward to working out directly after and just releasing some built up energy.

    Besides increased concentration, I also feel my skin is looking healthier. Healthier/glowing skin combined with cutting is starting to make me feel exceptionally better regarding my appearance. I have gotten morning wood about two times now - one this morning and one a few days ago. I'm so confused when I wake up. Haha never quite realized I wasn't getting them I guess. Oh and [NSFW] my balls are extremely full right now. Like honestly, it's ridiculous. Cold showers aren't nearly as dreadful. I have it set at the coldest my shower can go to but sometimes I wish it can go colder because I'm *almost* comfortable in there. I made a cute girl in my math class laugh quite a bit when we were reviewing prior. Flirtatious interactions feel fucking amazing and i'm ashamed to say they are few and far between these days..

    It's only been 27 days, but these are the little things i'm noticing now. I don't want to make this post a "success" story because I don't even feel a quarter of the way recovered- but things are starting to look up a bit. :)
  3. baco_bacon

    baco_bacon Member

    Well. I hit 30 days. :D Actually had my first wet dream the other night. I woke up directly after I ejaculated and freaked out because in my dream I was jacking off then woke up to realize I hadn't!!! The day before I wasn't feeling good at all and just overall not myself, so possibly a coincidence that my body decided it was time for a natural release. Felt pretty bleh the next day and part of today. Now i'm feeling awesome. Work starts up again tomorrow. Let's keep this streak going and hit 90 days.
  4. baco_bacon

    baco_bacon Member

    Almost 34 days... This is good streak guys... i'm learning a lot more about myself and i'm only a month in. Overall i'm feeling so much more clear headed and my focus is increasing a bit. I can read entire articles without skimming through and i'm wanting to read more. I just began Think and Grow Rich by Napolean Hill, so i'll be updating on how that book continues to help me grow and change. If anyone is interested in what I've been reading these past couple months, here are a few: The Power or Now by Eckhart Tolle. I kind of had negative connotation of it before I began because of how popular it has gotten, but it really forced me to think about my actions and its principles have stayed with me since I read it over christmas. I plan on reading it again, or at least parts of it, sometime soon. A couple books by Khalil Gibran - The Prophet, Broken Wings, and Tears and Laughter in particular. He is very poetic in his philosophies and they are extremely entertaining to read. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. I'm really enjoying it, but it is an incredibly slow read. A few pdfs and ebooks on lifting (muscle and strength pyramid books by Eric Helms) and it's allowing me to shift gears a bit in my workouts, in turn motivating me more. Those are some examples of what i've been reading. An immense goal of mine was to read more. OVERALL I just want increased focus and motivation, but I truly believe reading and learning is how to obtain those characteristics.

    I've been talking (well snapping,texting LOL) a girl I work with for the past couple weeks. I won't allow myself to get attached or emotional if plans don't go my way so i'm just being relaxed about it and whatever happens essentially happens. That being said, I doubt it will go anywhere but it's just fun to have these interactions. I saw her at the gym and drove her home tonight and we seem to click, in a flirty and bubbly way. Maybe i'll keep updated on that, but like I said I'm choosing to not get involved.

    Got a job at a memory care center and begin training this weekend. That means i'll be working two jobs, probably 30+ hours the first couple weeks, and taking chem/bio for school. This might be a tough quarter, but i'm trying my best to progress as quick as possible. That means I need to keep this streak going and to do that remain intrinsically motivated.

    Hope if any of you reading this are enjoying or learning from this journal. I do enjoy letting my mind be at ease and reflect on this experiment.

    EDIT: BTW had 2 wet dreams so far. My second one was two days after my first lol
  5. baco_bacon

    baco_bacon Member

    Just about 36 days... almost past my previous best 4 years ago at 44... and holy shit let me tell you this is the most amazing I've felt in a LONG time... maybe years... I completely understand these moments and emotions are fleeting but it's incredible to be experiencing what i'm feeling at this very moment. I feel high. I feel f*cking great right now. I also hung out with said girl tonight for a little bit. Was pretty damn nervous walking over to her apartment but we seemed to click and get along really well. Not a whole lot of awkward pauses, either. :) I kind of wish I wasn't so busy all weekend so I could get a night to hang out with her before school gets rolling again, but I don't need to force anything. After hanging out I went to the gym and had ridiculous energy levels despite cutting. Veins were popping and I just felt awesome overall. Took a while to settle my nerves down because of how good I felt, and this time i took a cold shower not to wake up, but to focus my energy and calm down a bit. I realized a new reason to be taking cold showers. Not for all the physiological aspects nor for the benefit of decreasing your arousal/excitement, but to allow your mind to stop thinking about all the bullsh*t things it tends to get carried away with and just focus. It may not be a traditional mediation technique but it sure works for me.

    I begin training for my new job this weekend and going to be accumulating 35+ hours in 3 days of work between both jobs. It would be a lie to say I'm looking forward to it but i'd also be lying if I said i'm absolutely dreading it. 36 days ago, i'd be anxious about this coming weekend for days in advance. Now i'm just worried about energy levels/when i'll get time to workout LOL.

    Starting tomorrow i'll be ridiculously busy for a few days. i'll try my best to update but it may be closer to day 40. Let's keep this streak going. :D

    EDIT: forgot again to state I had my 3rd wet dream.. so it's been one every other night the past week lmao
  6. baco_bacon

    baco_bacon Member

    39 days! On break in between shifts so just want to give a brief update, but here are some new positive experiences/thoughts right now:

    1- hung out with lady I have been talking to and that went really well..:) wasn't too awkward and basically "netflix and chilled." Hanging out with her at least once this weekend so who knows if something gets started between us. I figured if I feel there is some positive tension between the two of us I would put in effort to make it work, but if not then I won't stress.
    2- not feeling at the risk of burnout despite this past long weekend. School is about to start so that will definitely influence stress levels, but overall i'm feeling less generally anxious about everything right now. Haven't flat lined since the third week and don't imagine I will anytime soon.
    3-anxiety while stoned is becoming less and less. I haven't been smoking that much during this process(in comparison to before) because I wasn't enjoying weed as much and felt like it was probably time to slow down while I reboot. I'm able to maintain a positive mindset which lessens my social/generalized anxiety.

    Those are the most prominent feelings i've noticed. Still need to make more time so I can study/read more.
  7. baco_bacon

    baco_bacon Member

    Some urges tonight... Just need to fall asleep and forget about em..
  8. baco_bacon

    baco_bacon Member

    Wow - I thought it had only been a couple days since I last posted, turns out its been almost a week! That can mean either one of two things: 1) I'm lazy or 2) I've been busy with life. Thankfully, it's the second option.

    I've been working my new job on top of my other job, getting the first week of school straightened out/organized, i've been hanging out with said girl, and overall enjoying life a bit more.

    It's late and I need to wake up in <8 hours so i'll keep this update short, but here it goes.

    So... I've orgasmed 5-6 times this past week. Not to porn or fantasy, either. ;) I'm mainly posting this so I can reflect on how orgasms have either hindered or helped my progress. Before day ~40, i had only O'd 4 times due to natural release, but now i've O'd more times than that in far smaller of a time span. But, to be honest, it hasn't hindered my progress at all. I've been more horny but I haven't had any porn urges (or M urges). I do feel less of the f*cking SPECTACULAR feeling and highs and lows of no PMO, but all in all my motivation levels haven't been lessened. Honestly, I don't know which one I like better. Obviously it feels good having someone real to help but I am personally a bit worried if it continues I may be slowing down or possibly stopping my reboot.

    Still working A LOT and have to manage school and lifting 5x a week. This quarter will be a grind.
  9. baco_bacon

    baco_bacon Member

    Just edged for about 20 minutes... my mind almost convinced myself it's okay to finish because I've O'd multiple times this week with girl... it took awhile to convince myself otherwise but I got up and made some coffee.. gotta study a bit before class
  10. baco_bacon

    baco_bacon Member

    Gotta be honest, I O'd the other day. Not to porn, though. It was a combination of being drunk (I fell asleep 2 hours prior, woke up at 7:30 groggy/drunk) and being insanely horny because a girl (not the girl I've been talking to) was pretty much saying she wants to walk over so we could hook up. I said no because a) it was 4AM b)I'd feel slightly guilty even though I hardly even have a thing with that other girl and c) I tend to regret hook ups. So me fapping at 7:30 drunk had zero effect on my following day, despite feeling a bit guilty. BUT I'm glad I didn't look at any porn, and i'm also glad I didn't end up hooking up and probably would have orgasmed 3+ times.

    Not updating my signature because I still abstained from porn > O--, and I don't feel it negatively influenced me in any way.

    Besides that, everything is going swell. Still working on staying caught up in classes but overall I feel great. I'm starting to climb more and looking forward to going 3x+ a week. I climbed alone for the first time today and it honestly didn't phase me at all. 50+ days ago I would have never wanted to climb by myself because I am very much an amateur, but today I gave zero fucks and conquered 5-6 different routes. It felt great.. So.. climbing 3x a week, lifting 5x a week, working 30 hours a week, and attending school = a very busy man. But being busy is helping tremendously!

    Also, I've been reading "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill and I've gotta say I'm really enjoying it. Sometimes the book drones on a bit but the messages it puts out are very profound and enlightening. I'm focusing on earning/saving as much money as possible because a really bad habit of mine is spending spending spending, and things are starting to look up in the financial department. I also promised myself that whenever an opportunity arises to make more money I will TAKE it. Not ironically, a couple days after repeating this to myself multiple times per day my dad calls and asks if I can help with the yard (aerate/thatch/apply top soil) because his back has been bothering him. I drove down that night after i got off work at 11 and worked for 5+ hours the following day. I'm going back this sunday to help finish the project and I'm super stoked to say that he is paying me a decent amount of money. It not only feels good for the pay, though. I really do enjoy manual labor/being outside. It's relaxing in a way.

    Also, 53 days is EASILY the best streak i've had. Next stop is 90 days... :D
  11. baco_bacon

    baco_bacon Member

    Day 61.

    Studied all night and about to hit the gym in an hour (5:30AM) now. Can't sleep so hopefully today goes well. Gotta maintain a positive mindset.
  12. baco_bacon

    baco_bacon Member

    Haven't updated in a while and wanted to give my fellow no PMO brothers and sisters an update:

    All is well. Honestly, this quarter has been the busiest quarter of my entire college career, and I've handled it better than any quarter before. Coincidence? Could be a combination of me maturing and taking harder classes, but abstaining from PMO has significantly changed me for the better. I'm no where near where I want to be, but I feel myself drifting closer and closer to how I imagine true happiness feels.

    Like I said, this quarter has definitely been the hardest. I'm taking challenging courses, I'm juggling two jobs, I'm preparing for a bodybuilding competition in August, etc. I also JUST purchased my first car (1999 Mazda B series :D) and that was a major goal I was hoping to check off soon. Dealing with loans, insurance, licensing, and car maintenance is making me feel like an adult, but I like it. Sure, a LOT of my money is going to be going towards this car for a while, but is it worth it? Definitely. My dad told me prior to pulling out a loan that he wouldn't support me at all, and while I initially wanted to plead for help, deep down I realized that would compel me to learn. It's forcing me to be more aware of my spending and another goal of mine is to be financially stable. I always hoped I would "eventually" be financially stable, but I am starting to realize financial freedom starts with every single decision I make when it comes to spending. That being said, I still have a hard time with being a man of prudence, but I'm actually aware of my actions now. A big issue for me personally is spending unnecessary money on food/toys but I suddenly have more money in my bank account so I must be doing something right...right?

    Time management is alright. I still procrastinate hard (I would consider this procrastinating, but I'm compelled to update), but it is getting better. I'm learning to remove distractions from my life when I need to focus. For example, I'm taking this entire week (actually 9 days) off of working out. I need to. This week has been a clusterf*ck of car issues, studying for my cna skills test this saturday, and regular old work and school. I haven't been to the gym at all since last friday and don't regret it one bit. I spent upwards to 15 hours a week in the gym and it was not only physically but mentally burning me out. Who knows, if I need more than 9 days off then i'll continue to deload.

    Almost done with Think and Grow Rich. It's really good... I also have been able to focus longer when I read ie: instead of forcing myself through 10 pages I can read 20-30 and enjoy it. I want to always be reading a book and learning. Next on my list is the Spirit of Zen by Alan Watts and/or the Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. As you can see I'm still invested in self-help books and Buddhist/spiritual readings. They may not be for everyone or may not even help some grow, but they are definitely helping me stay focused and motivated.

    I've gotten more into bouldering (been going 2-3x a week exuding this week) and REALLY want to progress significantly in that sport. It's fun, correlates almost directly to lifting and overall fitness, and an excellent way to keep track of progress.

    I've learned that marijuana still plays a tremendous role in my productivity and energy levels. Maybe one day I'll be able to smoke frequently again and not hinder my progress, but at this point I'm not sure. That being said, being high used to lead to thoughts/actions PMO, but it doesn't anymore. Now when I'm high I just sit and listen to music, unable to truly focus on anything productive (reading/hw). In summary, I'm focusing on smoking far less frequently, ESPECIALLY if I have to focus. I don't think I have to quit cold turkey, but if I still feel its a problem I will.

    In regards to PMO, the urges are definitely still there, but i've been able to transmute that energy to other activities. I won't lie to you all, I've "stumbled" onto reddit /all about 1x a week but have been able to quickly snap out of that grotesque pleasure-seeking mindset. It's weird, the further along I get the EASIER it is to re-live those horrid moments/hours following ejaculation. Thinking about it now just instantly turns me off to porn. I believe I have highly anxious tendencies to begin, and when I ejaculate to porn my anxiety goes through the ROOF and my productivity plummets. I feel like I can think back to every single time I ejaculated and went about my typical day and relive how I felt... it's scary. But who knows, I watched porn for over 1/2 my young life, so once I recover i'll possibly be anxiety free... God, isn't that a wondrous thought.

    My next goal I want to check off my list is becoming a CNA. I'll update once that goal is checked off 8) Oh, and reach 90 days.... almost there!
    Best of luck all of you 8)
  13. baco_bacon

    baco_bacon Member

    2 hours until 90 days, baby!! No time to celebrate, though. Gotta go to sleep and continue grinding.

    For anyone reading this, I might make a progress/update video to let you all know how I'm currently feeling and hopefully some motivation for others. Let me know if anyone is interested!
  14. baco_bacon

    baco_bacon Member

    93 days. Life is getting better, friends. Obtained my CNA so I'll be looking for a better paying job soon enough. My manager at my current job hooked me up with a perfect June schedule, though, so I'll probably remain here for the time being. 2.5 more weeks and then schools out, paradiso, then a couple weeks before school starts back up. :D

    Next goal is 6 months... Let's do this
  15. baco_bacon

    baco_bacon Member

    Day 145. Will post longer update when I have time. Just wanted to update and let you know I'm still going strong.
  16. Anthony1991

    Anthony1991 I can only blame myself

    If your interested in joining my support group let me know
  17. baco_bacon

    baco_bacon Member

    Been awhile. Went strong for quite some time, and following some life changes I noticed I was falling back into the rut of pornography... was a strange experience because I thought I was done for good, until close introspection did I realize porn was still a problematic issue for me.

    Currently on day 3

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