It's all the same to you, but...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by That Guy 1975, Jun 21, 2016.

  1. That Guy 1975

    That Guy 1975 New Member

    I've been searching for a spot to park this story, because I haven't told anyone. Not friends, not family, not my therapist even. In fact, I hadn't even heard of PIED until I stumbled across this forum, and reading the stories and struggles from everyone kind of put me into a better frame of mind. I have struggled with ED for years now, and it's been frustrating to say the least. I got Cialis from my doctor and that helped for a while, but only because I needed it when my wife wanted to have sex after a day of masturbation. It no longer works.

    My wife is hot - exceptionally hot. Yet because she's not a DDD+ bra size or a dominatrix or a hypno-slave robot (insert any other progressive fantasy here), I can't have satisfying sex with her. She thinks it's medical because I have led her to believe that, and for a while I thought the same thing. But after reading the posts on this forum I decided to stop watching porn and masturbating to see how it went. And after a week, I noticed a difference. I was able to get a full erection (with help of Cialis) and my libido was in full working order instead of the usual - me worrying if things would work and trying to imagine things like my ex-wife dominating me or forced slavery just to get me going.

    However, as with most things we love, I could not give it up that easily. It started innocently with me checking my inbox for messages from one of my online dominatrixes, then I went scrolling for animated gifs. Then those gifs turned into image manipulations of my sister-in-law, and down the rabbit hole I went. But a new feeling emerged that hadn't before - guilt. Now that I know that my ED is caused by this, I feel guilty for basically denying my wife the best version of me, the one that doesn't ruin great sex (she is great btw) because of porn and masturbation. I'm trying to take the advice from the stories I've seen here, and abstain completely. As hard as it has been, I thought that somehow actually putting my story into actual words I can read and share it with others might help me as I struggle with this. We may not be in the same boat but we are all in the same body of water, and I don't think any of us want to drown. I'm aware this isn't really a support group, and I'm not looking for anything other than a place to put these thoughts.

    If you read this, thank you. I'm sure you've seen a hundred stories like mine and I realize they are mostly the same. But even if you're shouting into an empty room, you're still shouting loud enough to hear yourself. I just need to be better on a daily basis before this gets worse and makes my life more complicated than I want or need it to be.
     
  2. A Streetcar

    A Streetcar New Member

    Welcome, That Guy!

    I found that just be reading this forum and seeing that other people are going through the same thing, I was able to get up the motivation to stop. Not 100% successful, but so much better off now than I was just over a year ago.

    Streetcar
     
  3. Gabriel1960

    Gabriel1960 Self-Actualization Rocks!!!

    Welcome TG. I believe someday we will no longer be wishing to welcome newcomers here, because there will be so many members, that the website will be constantly in danger of crashing.

    All the best to you.
     
  4. That Guy 1975

    That Guy 1975 New Member

    I appreciate the responses - it's somewhat odd to share my story with strangers but it's also encouraging that others have experienced where I'm at and the path I'm on. Since that post I stopped for only a few days before I went back out of frustration; I felt like I was justified to 'punish' my wife since she had been neglecting me sexually and emotionally, so I spent one full day getting sucked back into all of it. It was just a lame excuse to talk myself back into porn to get off. Two days later she wanted to have sex, and despite a few hours of teasing as we waited for my Cialis to kick in, when it was time to get going nothing happened. And I know why, but I can't tell her. She's gotten to the point now where she is asking if there is someone else I would like to fantasize to during sex, or something we could watch so that I can get aroused. It's killing me to see her so upset and to view herself as anything but a beautiful and sexy woman. So here I am, again, trying to resist the temptation so that I can have normal sexual relations with my wife. I know I can get through today, but I'm always uncertain about tomorrow.
     
  5. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    You will likely be very surprised at what a reboot can do for your libido and your erections. Keep at it!
     

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