MID-DAY UPDATE The fact that I have to come in for mid-day updates tells me a lot about my state... I've spend all day so far reading contracts and comparing production partners for one of my original productions. Fine print sucks, and all of these offers are really hard to compare. Anyway, I just recognized that it feels like I am going in circles, I feel very much frustrated and am craving some instant gratification. Curiously, I do not feel any real urges directly for PMO; what I do feel yet again is a deep-rooted sadness, loneliness, and desire for intimacy / romance / belonging. In the back of my head I am also dwelling on a thought: Two weeks ago my attractive colleague, of all people, invited me to join a new creative group, and I am pretty sure there will be a meeting tonight. Yet I am not sure how to feel about this, and I don't feel like texting her about it. On the one hand I know I should back off and not see her any more than I have to — for I know I must not allow myself to develop a crush on her — on the other hand this new group is also a great opportunity to meet new people (incl. new women), expand my social contacts and network. It was actually very friendly of my colleague to invite me, too, so I feel that the reasons in favor of attending outweigh any reasons I have for the contrary. I just need to be aware that this fuels a somewhat lingering anticipation cycle within me, and the very real danger of feeling unsatisfied afterwards. Anyway. I'll have another good HIIT workout coming up in about two hours, that should do the trick. Back to work.