Is soft core porn okay

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Log, Dec 29, 2017.

  1. Log

    Log New Member

    I would say that I am addicted to femdom that is why I am on here. I have a girlfriend and sex was okay but it took a while for me to cum. Also I sometimes suffered from ED. Me and my girlfriend got into a big argument about this and that’s what made me want to stop watching femdom. Recently I stopped watching femdom for about 5 five days, but in between those days I watched soft core porn, not videos just pictures of women online. Within those days I got hard very easy with my girlfriend and the sex was great.

    My question is it okay if I watch soft core porn, just pictures of women. Or is this counterproductive
     
  2. BreakTheAddiction

    BreakTheAddiction New Member

    No it isn't okay. Think of it like this, if an alcoholic asked you if was okay to just have a drink on the weekends, would you tell them it was a good idea? Do you think it'll end with that, or will it just end up with them drowning in alcohol again?

    The point of porn being bad is that it hyper-stimulates the natural reward mechanism in your brain that is wired for sex with a real human being, pushing it past what your brain is equipped with handling.

    This is what fosters the creation of the addiction. This talk in brain about using softcore porn, or just pictures is your addiction trying to trick you into feeding it. The porn is sabotaging your ability to enjoy sex with your girlfriend.

    Stay away from all forms of sexual stimulation that isn't based in reality with a real person. Trust me, you want become re-sensitized to sex. It is so much better. Porn also triggers fetishes you truly don't have only to increase the amount of excitement and stimulation you experience from watching porn because you always need more and more to continue to satisfy the addiction. So if you truly want to discover your true sexuality this is another important thing for you to realize.

    So what do you want? Do you want to really connect with your girlfriend in bed as well as in your relationship, fully enjoying it? Do you really want to connect with yourself, discover who you really are sexually and emotionally without porn distorting everything?

    I'd hope the answer is yes, and if so, stopping it all is the only away.
     
  3. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    I think @BreakTheAddiction said it straight. No one has ever been addicted to femdom. No one has ever been addicted to porn. Porn is just a means to an end. A dopamine hit. Time to wake up. Waking up sucks, by the way, because I have been there. Time to quit using artificial sexual stimulation to produce a dopamine high. It is not bad or good that you watch certain categories of porn to get your dopamine fix, but, understand, regardless of your category, you are using that to get a dopamine fix, a dopamine rush, a dopamine high.

    It is OK to watch soft core porn if you want to stay addicted. But...If you don't, do the hard 90. Look it up. I am inviting you to this side of free. It is not so bad over here, except, we do not watch porn, over and over, daily, for years. Not sayin' I don't miss it, cause once you give up that high, you, do, but once you give up that high you, own you. Porn does not own you. This is an open invitation to own yourself. I am inviting you to own yourself.

    Time to take off your chains.

    W.
     
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  4. Log

    Log New Member

    Thanks guys. I’m gonna start my journey now. I haven’t watched femdom since the 12th but I’m just having trouble telling myself I’ll never watch porn again. Which means I’ll never see big titties and ass ever again. My girlfriend is great but she doesn’t have a porn ass. I will be okay though because I love her and she’s the main reason why I’m stopping.
     
  5. BreakTheAddiction

    BreakTheAddiction New Member

    Your girlfriend might not have a 'porn ass' but she is real. Those big tits and ass you see on a screen, isn't real. It isn't happening to you. You aren't experiencing it. You are watching other people have sex, while you sit, alone, touching yourself. Think about that. You really don't want to give that up? You want to hold on to that sad reality?

    Your girlfriend is real, she is with you in the real world, you said you love her so I'm assuming she loves you too. There is no comparison between 'porn ass' and love with a real person.

    You are making one of the biggest mistakes with porn addiction, thinking you are losing something. That never watching porn is depriving yourself of something. That is a lie. You aren't losing anything, in fact you are gaining all the things it kept from you. It is like a prison without walls, you don't know you are in it and it even convinces you that you enjoy being there, but it is only because you don't know what it is like to be free from it. Once you do you'll see the chains you have been wearing, you'll see you've been kept from being the person you should be. There is no loss here, only winning. Focus on your life and your relationship with your girlfriend. Build your connection. Trust me the fulfillment you experience will be real and lasting unlike the emptiness and disconnection porn leaves you with.
     
  6. 57yrold

    57yrold Member

    No.

    Do not look at porn. Do not look at porn substitutes like booty pics on Instagram, etc.

    Find something else to do. Meditate. Exercise. Go for walks in nature.

    Anything to keep your eyes off the pixels and your hands off your junk.

    Best of luck! NO PMO!
     
  7. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    Hey Log. Learning this stuff takes a second. You did not get here overnight. You won't get clean overnight. But, I anticipate you will get clean. There are people here trying to help you. Listen to them. You are not addicted to femdom, you are addicted to a dopamine rush. I was too. It is a great high. Time to take off your chains. Time for you to own you. Own yourself. I am being totally serious now. Own yourself. Don't let anything or anyone but you own yourself. Own yourself. This is an invitation. I am inviting you to this side of clean. The Sun shines over here, but, sure, we have rainy days. I am almost 5 years clean. I want to see you on this side of it. I want to see you free. Time for you to switch sides. Take off those fucking chains. Yeah, gonna hurt. Take them off anyway.

    I have absolute confidence you will succeed. Keep going, Porn is not an option.

    W.
     
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  8. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    What's your girlfriend's opinion on it?

    Would you want her getting off to softcore male porn?

    Just some retorical questions, I hope considering them will help you think clearly on these matters.
     
  9. freeman35

    freeman35 Active Member

    You made a step in the right direction and it clearly paid off - things got better with your real life partner. But looking at softcore is not likely to be helpful in the long run, especially if you have concerns about the effect of porn in general on your relatiomship, the chances are that you already know that in an ideal world you would not be looking at any type of porn. But I think it's worth celebrating the fact that you got good results and thats something to build on. There are some people in this world who have porn as part of their relationship and it doesn't cause any problems as both people use it, and maybe thats ok. But, for example, that would never be the case for me - like previous people have said, my relationship to porn is like an alchoholic's relatiohsip to alchohol, so there is no scenario in which I would be looking at porn regularly and finding that was good for me or my relationship. If you are anything like me (and presumably you are if you're on here) then it's best to stay away from it, and appreciate what you have in the real world.

    It's worth remembering though that the real world is full of sexualised media, it;s virtualy impossible for a person to say they would never look at soft core porn ever again because even the average film often contains it these days, but we know the difference between accidental exposure and addictive behaviour, and it is the compulsive consumption of it that damages us, not the occasional accidental exposure.
     
  10. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    "I’ll never see big titties and ass ever again"

    Yeah, you will. Whether you like it or not! Aren't they used in advertising, music videos, videogames, everywhere...

    We are choosing not to seek sexual gratification from images. But I disagree with BreakTheAddiction's idea that this is no loss at all. It's a price to pay. It's a sacrifice. You can say it's worth it. I'd agree! The temptation's still there. As a feeling of loss, it comes and goes. So resisting it is sometimes a struggle. Freedom from porn addiction is worth the struggle, whether you're partnered or single.
     
  11. niskanen91

    niskanen91 Active Member

    Hello,

    I watched almost exclusively femdom in my porn "career" as well :) A lot of people focused on the addiction part of the problem but I think what you're asking is if tube-style porn f***s you up, does the soft porn has the same effect:

    The bolded answers your question. Here's the thing, you already have symptoms of PIED (DE, ED), you are still able to have sex but if you continue watching porn it will get worse, not better. We all know that porn f***s us up giving us PIED, DE, losing interest in real sex partner, arousal problems etc. Soft porn is still a porn and has the same effect, however this effect is obviously lower.

    There are two another things that I think can help you, please notice that I'm speaking from experience as someone who has/had some addictions and used to watch femdom porn as well:

    1) When we are giving up addictions our brain is missing the dopamine hits and is tricking you into some kind of negotiations. Despite the fact that you started cold turkey and promised yourself to not cross the line, the line suddenly becomes blurry. And since you are in the desperate state of the craving, it's easy to cross the blurry line, e. g. in case of smoking (I'm smoking red 100s), buying pack of normal lights, smoking "just one"'; in case of video games, reading reddit related to video game, watching streams; and in case of porn addiction, watching "just pictures", "soft porn", looking at models asses on social media sites etc. etc. it all leads to relapse, that's why strong limits are absolutely crucial, in case of porn I like the old, good "if it ain't real, no deal", which means that all artificial stimuli from the internet should be avoided entirely.

    2) I notice something that you, me and a lot of femdom users are guilty of, which is rationalizing usage of porn by saying that "it's not a femdom so it's a step in the right direction" and sadly this is not true for following reasons:
    a) people who watch femdom porn have mostly problem with porn and not femdom,
    b) if you give in to activity of constant novelty-seeking and getting dopamine spikes you're in a state that can easily lead to changing genre to the femdom, after all, why wouldn't you want better orgasm? :)

    To end up my (probably too) long post optimistically, I have to say that you're still in a better shape than most of us, just by looking at this quote:

    I was in worse shape (sexually) than you when I was 16 and I'm 26 now :p
     

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