[1 day clean] Hello everyone and noone, I relapsed yesterday and thought "Why not use this as an opportunity to start a journal?". I do not intend to write daily or all too often; I just wanted to create this and update as it fits. Maybe it can help me looking back at what and how I thought during certain times and maybe (far into my surely successful future) it can help someone else struggling with this addiction. I am 27 years old and have been using porn - more or less heavily - for over ten years. For the longest time I did not see a problem with it, as masturbation and porn use is so normalized in todays society. A couple of years ago I first began to be irritated as I noticed that I cannot quit this thing if I wanted to. I didn't feel negative consequences, but when I tried NNN or something similar, I could not get to a streak longer than a week or so. Over the course of time, my use of porn got worse and became more than a habit. At times I would regularly fap 3 times a day - often consuming porn without even masturbating or being in a private setting. After many half-assed attempts to quit this thing, I committed to ending this about three months ago. I achieved a couple of weeklong streaks but also kept failing. I view my situation positively, I think I am on the right path - but there still is a very long way to go. Porn for me is emotional comfort. In times that I am stressed or struggle with real-life obligations, I tended to use the most. Over a year ago I started pursuing my Ph.D. which also represents my greatest struggle. I have made nearly no progress in this time and I at least partly blame my porn problem. It severly damaged my dopamine-system and therefore my ability to focus. Ironically, it quickly became a vicious cycle: get frustrated over the (non-)progress with my thesis -> use porn/stay up late -> can't focus -> no progress with my thesis -> even start peeking at work -> and so on... The key to success is betterment in the rest of my life, which will hopefully stabilize me emotionally and make me able to withstand the temptations of porn. In the last weeks I have began working out again, I am experimenting with meditation, I set myself a strict (and healthier) sleep schedule to help me at work, I installed many blockers on my devices and I obviously try to all-in on my thesis in hope of finally seeing some progress. Before relapsing yesterday, which was a result of oh-so-innocent peeking, I felt a renewed energy that lasted for over ten days, that I haven't felt in years. I do not attribute this to the not using of porn solely, but to a better living situation in general. Input or questions are very much welcome!