Intense Withdrawals - Chronic Addiction

So I'm experiencing very strong,scary withdrawals.Im on day 12,not that it really matters what day I'm on.

Extreme anxiety that no amount of breathing exercises or meditation can help,it's crippling to the point of being unable to function.

Extreme intense fatigue,weirdly I have not experienced any insomnia (knock on wood).During my last long reboot way back in 2013,insomnia was by far the worse WD symptom,and last time the withdrawals were nothing compared to this.

I've had other more minor symptoms,upset stomach/nausea,headaches,aches and pains,loneliness and some depression - although I think I'm just depressed about how shitty I feel.

To put it bluntly I cannot function,period.

Very fleeting minor urges,easily controlled though because the WD's are scaring me so much.In a weird way I think it's good that it's hit me this hard,it's nailed home just how severe my addiction was.

The very bizarre thing is that it seems to come in waves.Like a bi-polar type thing.I can feel like I described,laying in bed freaking the fuck out - and a few hours later feel relatively calm and much better,and then repeat.

I consider myself a fairly strong minded person,I've had some scary shit happen to me - injuries and stuff,and to be honest I have never been this scared in my life about anything.

I'm very worried that I've caused some serious irreversible brain damage - another thing hit me today:

That I've never read about anyone else edging or using as much as I have.

I'm talking 5-10 hours of edging per day,for literally years.id say it's been this bad for about 5 years.

Hermit crab lifestyle,social anxiety through the roof etc - so I say again,I've never heard of anyone death gripping and edging for on average I'd say - 6 hours a day at least for 5 or so years,I had been PMO'ing for way longer than that,however it didn't really start having life destroying effects on me until about 5 or 6 years ago.

I know we're told to not compare ourselves to others,it's hard not to!

Spangler a dude here,the author of 'wack addicted to Internet porn' whom I'm sure some of you would be aware of - in his book he says he was an addict at "only a few uses per week".

And he had fairly severe porn induced issues,ED etc.

I've told my friends and family about my addiction - to put what I'm going through in a nutshell,this is what I told my mother yesterday while going through a severe wave of symptoms:

"Mum,I'm scared - I feel like a full blown junkie and I've never felt this bad EVER...I feel as if I could faint,and start convulsing on the ground".

Then I came into my room and starting crying like a child.

This is hard for me to say,I'm not a pussy - this is worse than coming down from MDMA,it's just so weird!

I now know what heroin addicts mean by 'the sickness'.I don't actually have your typical porn urges - i just want this sickness to go away,that's the only way I could see myself relapsing at this stage but I won't.

So has ANYONE experienced anything as intense as this? Particularly the waves of bad/good?

It's fucking bullshit man,I can't believe It,honestly I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Also,this took a good 5 days or so to start kicking in - so I'm 99.9% sure it is porn withdrawals,however it's hard sometimes to accept because it is so hardcore.

Another thing to add - I had a cold/virus thing about 3 weeks ago,but I'm over it now.And 2 weeks before I started this run,I quit weed.I was smoking heavily for around 2 months and PMO'ing - by heavily I mean I was high every waking minute.

So maybe the combination of the quitting weed and PMO in close succession could have shocked my brain or something?

Would really appreciate any kind of feedback on this one guys!!!!

Aussie.

EDIT:

What I'm really scared of is that with some other addictions,alcoholics,benzodiazepines and I think heroin - it can be VERY dangerous to quit cold turkey,without medications.

Im actually scared I could fucking die from this! From my brain just going into dopaminergic shock or some weird ass fuckin shit bra.

know that must sound weird,but fuck,man.

I even considered going to the doctors - however that scares me having to go out and face people feeling like this - fucking hell this SUCKS x1000000.

 

Quitting more than one substance at a time can throw you in wd quit strongly and suddenly.

My suggestion would be to just take each day slowing. Rest/sleep when you can, go for a walk or go to a social class or meet up with friends to help take your mind off things in the beginning.

Drink lots of water to keep hydrated throughout the day as I'm guessing you can be dehydrated

And no you don't have irreversible brain damage, just a overstimulated burnt out brain that needs a break.

Good luck

 

The only way is to wait it out until the symptoms go away. I felt like this for over 15 years. Abstinence does help, but you've got to stick to the plan. It's non-linear and, like you said, comes in waves. There's nothing really that I could do to make the symptoms go away, except waiting. Working out and living healthy, tried it and still doing it, but it's not a game changer. If the brain is messed up, waiting and abstinence is the only option. 10 hours of edging, every day, took it's toll.

 

Hey,

About 1 year ago, I was PMO'ing and edging for about 5 hours per day. Plus searching for porn which gives me 'the kick' I needed. It was becoming very hard, because I knew most stuff related to my rather extreme interests.

The first time I abstained for longer than 3 days I felt like I got a fku. Plus the feeling that reality is kinda flawed. I couldn't put my finger on it, but everything was kinda off/wrong/weird.

I relapsed very often. But in the end it reduced my PMO'ing greatly. From 8 orgasms and hours of edging to 2 hours edging and 3-4 orgasms every 2-5 days was a great step. Then I reduced it to 1 - 2 orgasms plus a bit edging every few days and so on...

Eventually I had a larger streak with only a bit of withdrawal symptoms. I relapsed because I didn't use my energy. The time I used to fap normally, was empty.

But the withdrawals were over.

In my current streak there were no withdrawals at all.

Cold turky is the best way to get away from porn. It will save you time. And it ji not dangerous, why would your body be in danger when there are no more receptive females? Actually it will get stronger to be able to mate with the next receptive female...

Opioid-addictions are sometimes beaten with lowering the dosage over a longer period of time to prevent symptoms. At least when you got addicted in a hospital. Sometimes they give a low dosage whenever withdrawal kicks in, till it stops.

But that costs time and can be dangerous, too. You could think of 'it' as a ultimate cure to your problems.

Go cold turkey if you can.

Withdrawals (the hard) only take 5 to 8 days.

 

Thanks metal,long time bro - I'll have to catch up with you soon.

Yeah I guess the scary thing is that I haven't really read or heard of a guy like me fully recovering.

The unknown is always a daunting thought - I'll do whatever it takes,but if it takes guys like Noah (Spangler) I think he said it took about 6 months,and gabe 15 months - both of them didn't edge like me and fapp for hours on end,well Who the bloody hell knows how long I could take to fully rebalance.

Even if I just get a decent amount of energy back in a few months and a lessening of anxiety - I'd be pretty happy with that,at least I'll be able to function at a basic level and start getting my life in order.

I kind of view this addiction like tobacco,100 years ago they had no idea how toxic it was,they actually thought it could be good for you! So who the hell knows how deep the rabbit hole goes with this porn thing.Maybe it could cause some kind of brain damage or a tumor or lesion of some kind from long term neuro-chems firing out of whack causing scarring or clotting or some other bullshit.

Doesn't really matter now,all I can do is apply all the current known knowledge and have faith that I can heal.


@rebooting 15 years? That's rough man,how long was your longest hard mode run?

@karyehs yeh dude I can relate to the reality thing being off,a kind of 'de realization' (look it up) feeling.Its comparable to being scattered the day after ecstasy or speed,this is worse though...how weird is that?

Will be interesting to see how my body reacts over the next few weeks,I'm just hoping for a slight improvement so I can start running on the beach in the mornings and hitting the weights - then I'll be able to put up with rebooting for years if need be,but I do need that,I need my exercise! if it was like this for months on end id probably lose it mentally and have a nervous breakdown.

 

@Aussie

They weren't 15 years non-stop, actually. I was kind of lucky that I got desensitized zo quickly. When I watched porn, I always MO'd quickly without edging. I used porn for 15 minutes, got an O and then quit cold turkey from P and MO for 2 days. That was my pattern. I PMO'd about 3 times a week. When I was so desensitized from porn that nothing excited me, I quit porn for weeks or months and only MO'd on fantasy. Sometimes when I was too tired, I quit MO as well and went full cold turkey for months, at one time up to 2 years no P or MO. That was when I had financial problems and needed to pass all tests for uni. I couldn't afford to lose my focus so I quit masturbation and porn for 2 years straight and got my uni degree. After my graduation, I got lazy and PMO'd nearly every day. Two years ago was the worst. I PMO'd twice a day, every day. My dick got limp and I couldn't get it up with anything unless I stimulated it for 30 minutes watching the porn girl of my dreams. I had ED, total desensitization, anxiety, depression and all other problems.

How you cope with your porn and masturbation problem depends on your situation. For me, it was the lack of a gf and the fact that I fell in love with a couple of porn girls. When I PMO'd, I felt like I was having sex with her. I was very lonely and kept PMO'ing to those girls because I had such a crush on them. Meanwhile, girls came along in my life that had a crush on me, but I ignored their feelings. I friendzoned all of them. I put them all aside and searched for new videos of porn girls that I had a crush on.

Your situation is probably far more difficult. If you are capable of getting aroused for 10 hours straight and edge, you mess up your brain so much that it takes a lot of discipline to get out of the vicious cycle. Especially since you also used drugs. I don't know how you do it, but if I would watch porn, I was so bored after one or two hours that I had to quit. A lot of porn that I watched was for the aestetics of the girls, for the art of the erotica. I just found it nice to watch galleries of pretty naked girls. I stopped getting aroused by porn after about 4 years of porn use. From that point on, I only watched porn and MO'd to it out of boredom, but nothing excited me anymore. Now, 15 years later, I felt arousal for the first time since my early college years. I hugged a girl in December and felt a rush going through my body and an erection popping in my pants. I haven't felt that since I was a freshman.

Just keep pushing through man. There is no magic pill. The only way to overcome this is through stubborn willpower and not giving in, no matter how hard it is. I was on the same boat as you last year. I remember the horrible urges. I just HAD to fap. My dick had this tingling sensation that forced me to wank, but I refused and suffered a lot while abstaining. It took about a month before the urges went away. The urges are almost too irresistible, I know. But you need to stop fapping. Letting go of porn was easy for me. Quitting masturbation was much harder. You'll get there. Just have patience and don't give in the urges.

 

I would say that WD symptoms can be extreme, that is why most people fall back and relapse. I can relate to freaking out and then calming down the next minute only to freak out again. My WD symptoms are similar and often times very painful. If I am able to hold out while I am overcoming the urge I can break down and start crying. Sadly for me I am stuck in a rut trying to get out right now.

 

Alone identifying the terrible feelings as withdrawal symptoms can help extremely. In the beginning I didn't know I was feeling like I had a severe cold because of withdrawal symptoms, so I fapped.

 

Do not ever communicate with me again. I was going to post a screen capture of that Private Message, but I decided I'm better than that.

You have serious issues, and as long as you have the mentality of that filth you sent to me your progress will be stagnant.

Goodbye.

 

You lack any kind of humility Tobias.

Instead of just messaging me back,saying that you weren't interested in talking to me - you ignore me completely,not caring or considering how that would make another person feel.After I tried to offer my opinion on your thread,I even asked if I could message you before i did.

Serious issues? Yeah buddy it's called addiction,something you - and the poster boys of these forums have not experienced.

 

So what? This forum has turned to a "who has the biggest addiction issue" contest? That's pathetic.

And by the way, Tobias, if you were "better than that", you would have dealt with Aussie in private, without posting this in public.

Back to the subject, this can help you Aussie: http://yourbrainonporn.com/what-does-withdrawal-from-porn-look-like

Basically, anything can happen with the withdrawal symptoms. It doesn't just mess up with your dopamine; but also your serotonin, GABA, glutamate, and even stress. From this weird, ever-changing mix, you can have all sorts of issues. And since insomnia is probably one of them, everything get even worse because you can't heal properly at first. So buckle up and hold on until the storm passes.

Force yourself to live like you think is best; it will help you heal faster, and become a habit that will keep you away from ancient/new addictive behaviours.

I don't know about benzos/heroin, but (unless you need medical/professional care), the standard advices apply to you. Abstain from using any kind of drugs, eat healthy, sleep well (as best you can - very important), do some exercise everyday, meditate/do Yoga, take some cold showers. Usually I would say that meditation and cold showers are optional but in your case I would say it's mandatory - the deeper in it you are, the more powerful the treatment should be. Try intermittent fasting too - not at first, but after a few weeks it can help you. At least try to spend 12 hours a day without eating/drinking calories.

And of course, deal with your emotional issues - it will be very hard during the initial, intense withdrawal phase, but as soon as you're able to do it, face your demons. It's important.

 

Did you ever consider giving more than ONE DAY for someone to respond to a PM? But no you just jumped to conclusions like you tend to do. I've told you before to allow time for people to respond to you, what will you be like when you get a GF? You haven't learned anything. I'm done with you a third and final time.

I feel like the forum needed to know what kind of person they're giving advice to. The language he used was absolutely disgusting, he's lucky I don't get him banned.

 

That's the thing: we give advice to people who need it most.

Sometimes, like it's your case, we can't give advice to some people because we feel antipathy for them. That's fine, don't try to help him if you don't feel like it, but trying to discourage us from doing so is unkind.

 

Just posting to say I acknowledge your sentiment Newnes. This will be my last post in this thread and I'm not going to engage with Aussie henceforth.

 

Newnes,

I've read and watched everything on YBOP.

What I've been experiencing though has been so overwhelming and intense,that it's very hard to accept as "normal".Its just a complete loss of functionality,I have had some minor lulls in the severity the last few days - so that's promising.

Without sounding to harsh,I'm just sick of all the airy fairy success stories of guys who only fap a few times a week for 30 min sessions claiming it's ruined their lives.

I've edged and death gripped (at least 6 hours a day,usually several times a day up to 12 hours a day sometimes with one orgasm,after I felt "satisfied" with the hundreds of vids and pics I'd used)for so long I've damaged the skin on my penis,lost any sort of resemblance of a life - and I am very ill because of this addiction - yes,I am blaming most of my problems on it because before porn I was fine.

And yep,I have anger issues and I over think shit - so what? Sick of feeling judged.

 

Aussie, i understand your anger and frustration. I've been on this forum before, i had 2 previous accounts which i deleted. This was done out of frustration because i felt i wasn't going anywhere with the recovery and because i didn't always feel like i was being heard or something like that. That's on me though, not anyone else. If anyone understands what this addiction is like it's the guys on this forum, whether or not the magnitude of their addiction is comparable with ours. As is expected, sometimes tensions are high. We can't take it personal and need to deal with it in a better way.

More important than making yourself feel better, is learning how to deal with the moments of frustration, that's when the addiction gets the better of you.

I also edge for hours. I recently created a topic discussing if i should delete all my porn lol I asked this because i keep downloading videos; i can do this a whole day, constantly seeking, downloading, previewing, and just have 1 orgasm at the end... then delete the videos. I've done this over and over again.

I'm currently unemployed, so i have alot of free time, and the addiction has taken a tighter grip because of it. A year ago i was working and because of that i was able to go a few more days without PMO. At the time i had 2 big panic attacks which scared the hell out of me. One i was at work and i started losing sensation on my left arm and face and feeling a tingling sensation on the left side of my head, i felt dizzy and had trouble breathing. I went to the hospital because i felt i was having a heart attack. The other i was at the supermarket, waiting in line at the cash register, i started feeling dizzy and chest pain and fainted. Some guy lay me on the floor and raised my feet and another went to go get a cup of water with sugar. They were pretty awesome. These were panic attacks; i'm completely healthy, i eat healthy, i don't smoke, drink alcohol or do drugs (i've done it in the past), i have no heart problems; i checked this out obviously.

I currently can't seem to go more than 2/3 days. The longest i've ever gone was 15 days; this was when i first joined the forum 2 years ago actually. But i usually start shaking and getting tunnel vision and also can't seem to function properly. I'm still trying to figure shit out. I'm still here though, and i feel that mentally i'm better equipped than what i was in the past.

Sometimes you need to express your anger, but then you need to take a step back and understand where it's coming from, learn how to deal with it and take responsability. If you're constantly reacting to others and to all the stimulations around you, you won't get over this. You can't control others, but you can learn how to control yourself (i'm also talking to myself here).

 

Aussie, I used to squeeze very hard when I did the death grip. I've done that for 20 years. My sensitivity was gone. When I quit fapping for a few months, I do regain a lot of sensitivity. Last year, I could finally feel sensation on my shaft, something that was gone for two decades. You don't need to abstain for ages. I had to squeeze very hard to reach O, but now I can reach O with a very light grip. As long as you give it a rest for a while, it will heal. If you want to be sure, visit a doctor. Self-diagnosis might not be a good choice when you think the skin is really damaged. Perhaps visit a dermatologist.

 

Yeah man I've been trying (and succeeding considering I'm on my longest run in over a year) to control my ..what I'll call "addiction emotions".I find myself getting either angry or sad/upset over something and in the moment,it's either pure rage or misery - and it can come from all angles,anyone or anything - usually the thought of someone judging me or disliking me,friends,family,and people online.rationally I KNOW this is a normal part of life,there's going to be people that no matter who you are - they will dislike you or not agree with you,rejection is a normal part of life - it somehow works me up though,especially when I'm abstaining.

Then after it,like now I realize just how either small it was,meaningless or that I was just outright in the wrong and sound like a crazy person - like with Tobias,he's completely right and I'm embarrassed about it.And now feel terrible about it because he's a good guy,it's done now though so I'll try and forget it.

At the end of any emotion is nothing - and I guess I'm at least learning that.Once an emotion or feeling (withdrawal waves) passes it's over and it's just nothing...Im not sure but I think this is the key to beating this addiction,controlling how we react to emotional things,whatever that may be for you/us.Im way past "just being horny so I'll fap".Im in deep bra and it ain't pretty.

My brain feels broken,it tricks me - during those periods when I'm like that are when I get the biggest urges - it's been the cause of many a relapse.

I did the same thing dude,I'd download vids pics all day edging over them - O then delete it all,I did exactly that!

man fainting and the stuff you described is rough,that would've been quite scary.I felt as if I was about to faint.But after it...I was fine.

So even though u had worse withdrawal symptoms than me,you were checked out and you were ok medically.Hopefully that gives you the confidence to go all the way and put up with it next time,scary shit this is fellas.

I'm considering taking a break until I stabilize a bit,from the forum - I'm finding it hard to concentrate and formulate conversation - it's a scattered feeling.On the other hand I AM getting really good benefits from the forum - at a time when I need it the most - others don't deserve my rage or disrespect though,so I'm kind of torn lol.

Aussie.

 

My sensitivity improved so much when I did a 3 month hard mode reboot back in 2013.

Even now on day 14,the appearance of it is already improving - I have no doubt that it's just superficial soft tissue damage that will repair with time and emu oil.

I'm also going to start using my "manhoods" again,check them out - I'll be using them in hopes of dekeratinizing my glans - basically the head of my dick looks rough as fuck,it's common in circumsized men but in my case has been worsened by my crazy death gripping action.

Cheers man.

 

There was no need for that Tobias, deal with it in private and move on.

There is no good trying to sully someone's name on here, we are all struggling in our own way. Rise above it and see that it was just Aussie lashing out due to frustration of his situation, rather than taking it to heart