In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by axebattler, Dec 28, 2019.

  1. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member


    I use another similar forum and have a journal there. I had a previous account here as well (edit - I was "occams_razor"). I've been using this new account mainly for private messaging, but it feels a little weird not having a journal here as well.

    This year is coming to an end. It's been a good one for my recovery. I barely watched any "actual" P at all this year. I didn't go too mad on the P-subs either. Online chat and related things were/are a big part of my addiction. I haven't had quite so much success avoiding online chat, but I've made progress there as well.

    Plenty of progress remains of course. It's not just about avoiding the bad stuff, it's about finding solutions to the underlying problems.

    I'm on:
    • Day 27 of no M or O or deliberate use of P-subs
    • Day 6 of no online chat
    • I think it's been several months since I saw "actual" P.
    I don't plan on obsessing about day counts however.
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2020
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  2. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    I had a reset on New Year's Eve. I used a chat room and looked at a P-sub or two (P-sub MO). Online chat was as worthless as ever. The same can be said for P-subs (it was actually a Ted-talk lol. The talk might have been helpful for someone, but not me).

    That was Day 30 of no M,O or deliberate P-subs and Day 9 of no online chat. I'm not sure if I did any "bad" chat during December, but either way I shouldn't do any online chat. Like I said, it's worthless anyway.

    I did a type of meditation a couple of times earlier. It left me very relaxed afterwards, and helped my mood which has been a bit low in the past few days, perhaps for "New Year's" reasons. I should definitely keep doing that meditation.
  3. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    This is a fairly neglected journal! I am logging in every day, reading around the forum and occasionally doing some private messaging. I also recently became a "Staff Member", so I'm able to delete spam and things like that. I'm not a "proper" moderator though.

    Recovery is going well this year. No issues so far, except maybe fantasising. It's hard or impossible to totally eliminate fantasising in my opinion. Some may disagree. I've already debated that subject with someone on another forum. Of course there are different kinds of fantasising as well.

    Last Monday, a week ago, I had a wet dream. I don't get those too often.

    Anyway, best be going for now. Perhaps I'll change the name of this journal.. (edit - done)
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2020
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  4. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    First reset of the year, due to online chat and a P-sub. I guess the chat room contained P-subs too.

    Stress was a big factor.

    Anyway, moving on..
  5. Merton

    Merton Well-Known Member

    Hey Axebattler, sorry to hear of the reset. But your program keeps getting better and better and you are doing great. As you said, moving on.
    axebattler likes this.
  6. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    Day 3.

    I think I'll take a break from the site for a week. Obviously I'm not taking a break from recovery though.
  7. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    I'm back earlier than expected. I'm on Day Seven I guess.

    When I reset last week (chat room, P-sub), I also had a chaser effect reset on the same day. That's a bit unusual for me these days, to give in to the chaser effect, but I was having a pretty bad time of it emotionally.

    I'm a lot better now, but it's a reminder that I need to work on some deep-seated issues, if you like.

    Anyway. Back to the axe battlin'.
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  8. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Any idea out what's causing you to feel stressed and making you want to escape from real life by using online chat rooms?
  9. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    It's a pattern of small things rather than one big thing. Many of the small things happened years ago but had a big effect on me, and can sometimes make my life difficult nowadays in strange ways. Personally I don't find it helpful to talk really openly about all my problems, past and present. If that suits you, great, but it doesn't suit me.

    I've written stuff about my history with chat rooms before, maybe I'll find it and put it in my next post. Cheers.
  10. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    By having fairly open discussions, I've received some great advice from people on this forum, sometimes in unexpected ways. But I take your point of course, we should only share what we're comfortable with.
    axebattler likes this.
  11. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    I've been on forums like this one for a few years now. I've talked about things fairly openly, as well as in private messages. Talking about things can help, but can also harm if you're not careful about who you talk to (that includes many "professionals").

    I found something I wrote about chat rooms / online chat in general:

    "A significant part of my addiction was using chat rooms. Sometimes they'd be normal chat rooms, sometimes adult ones. I'd sometimes fantasise about meeting up with people from the chat rooms. I even suggested meetups before but I or the other person wouldn't go through with it in the end.

    I wasn't a big dating site user, but every time I've tried them something about me tends to idealise the women on there. It's like they're somehow all amazing just because they're on the website. I remember once a girl who I've talked to a few times in my life gave me a "like" on one of these sites and it made me incredibly excited. Some things she had written on her profile put me off contacting her but it remained pretty exciting. Shortly afterwards I happened to see her out in public and I didn't want anything to do with her. There was no excitement whatsoever for various reasons I won't go into.

    I kind of suspect that for women it's often the opposite. Men on the sites seem a lot less appealing than they would in real life! So both genders have a distorted view. That's my opinion anyway.

    I'd advise not using any kind of chat room if they're a problem for you in any way. When I first tried chat rooms I hated them. Years later I got into them more and more. Often I'd use them on Sundays after being out with "friends" on Saturday night. To this day Sundays can be tricky for me when it comes to the addiction.

    I've known for a long time that I shouldn't use chat rooms or dating sites. I'm generally good at avoiding dating sites now, but I still struggle with chat rooms occasionally. The main thing is not to binge, but I'm hoping to 100 per cent eliminate online chat."
  12. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    What do you class as P-subs if a Ted talk can be one?

    I think fantasies are always likely to pop up, almost subconsciously - especially for long time fantasiser. the trick is just to accept them and bat them away, not to dwell and build on them.

    Online profiles can be idealised because all you see is a curated presentation of someones life.
  13. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    P-subs are a very broad category. A P-sub could be a picture of a fully-clothed woman, a picture of a woman in a swimsuit, a music video, a video of a woman exercising, and so on.

    I agree. A particularly dangerous combination is waking up from an erotic dream, and then lying in bed fantasising. Much better to get out of bed and do something.

    Yeah, and they can be P-subs also.
  14. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    I agree with you about P-subs. They are things which reinforce the brain pathways we are trying to dissolve, it can take a long time to recognise this.
    axebattler likes this.
  15. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    I had a reset on Monday, to P-subs and online chat. It was a 27-day streak.

    It's funny that I wrote that in my previous post. That's basically what happened on Monday. I did a lot of things right afterwards, such as going for a long walk, but eventually I gave in. A combination of high-libido, low-motivation and stress perhaps.

    Anyway, the main thing is to keep moving forward.
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2020
    positivef and Merton like this.
  16. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Thats tough. It can be hard to stay focused after doing a number of positive things.
    axebattler likes this.
  17. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    I had another reset. My inability to handle chat rooms is almost amusing.

    So the simple solution is: don't go to chat rooms. I try not to but it's really easy to make some excuse to take a look.

    I was psyching myself to do something positive on the computer (work on an online course I've started) when the urges kicked in. Oh well.
  18. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    If you're doing online college courses, is free until july 31st. This has never happened before, it's just to do a public service as colleges are shut down. They are one of the more expensive providers, it's great.
    positivef and axebattler like this.
  19. Livetolive

    Livetolive Member

    I get the urge of online chatting I myself have decided to take a week long break from saying sites. Sometimes we can make loneliness an excuse to go back to them.

    If you start having urges, just get off your computer. Will power is like a muscle. No matter how strong it is it will eventually break. If urges get too heavy for your own will power "put it down"
    axebattler likes this.
  20. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    It was weird. I was looking at this forum, getting ready to do some online course stuff and then I got "excited" by urges to look at chat.

    I did turn off the computer but then I returned not too long afterwards and of course ended up in a chat room. At first I was thinking this chat room is really stupid but of course it didn't end well. Could have been worse though I suppose.

    I've only been to chat rooms on three days this year. No P this year.

    That's pretty cool, thanks.

Share This Page